As We Near World Mental Health Day – Tips For Looking After Our Mental Health 💆

ChristineC1

Hi StarryEyed,

Soz I didnlt get back to you earlier. Been immersed in the garden over the weekend for some therapy against the madness of the hospital situation. Been chasing a new date since last week after being dropped from the weekend date given and now shut down with a reply to my complaint telling me to just wait and that transport has been cancelled. I've been a bundle of fury!

But back to the garden. Love your description of the fig leaves being 'unapologetically large'. They most certainly are, creating a magical carpet of golden hue. Here's a pile I made yesterday.

They tumble throughout the day, adorning all that stands in their way.

Still have a fair few left to collect.

It's a real mix with the unrobing of Autumn and small blasts of colour.

These guys have been a triumph. Got them to celebrate my dad because he loved the vibrant colour and pattern.

I have quite the woodland feel with mature trees creating deep and dappled shade. I can imagine you'd need that in Spain. My parents holidayed there but I've not been. Canaries mostly. Visions of bank robbers on the run in the eighties spring to mind (my sarcastic humour for anyone taking offence).

So my list would be very practical - deliveries, plumbing, heating, etc. I'm sure you have all of that covered already. We have alarm buttons here for falls in the home. GP, NHS, Council would be good for info. I'd be alright with flooding as I'm midway up a bank. Can't really think of anything else. The NHS has a buddy service which I'm going to explore re my agoraphobia. I lead a very sheltered life now. No more partying and going on a mad one for me! It's still hard to accept that this is my life. But creating variety throughout the day helps. I create my textile artworks in winter and garden from Spring through to Autumn. Keeps me out of mischief. If the internet conked out I'd literally not be able to function.

Have a food delivery in a mo so will grab my bags in prep. Lovely having a pal to chat to! I might have mentioned making friends on the bereavement site after my mam and then dad passed. Absolute lifesaver. Reaching out is key in being pro active, whatever that looks like.

Must dash. Lots of love xxx🤩

StarryEyed

Hi @ChristineC1

What a terrible situation with your medical care. I hope you get things sorted! Garden therapy is the best stress antidote - or anything in nature. I adore your photos. The photo with just one fig leaf is perfect proof of what drama queens those leaves are. Just one leaf, and the scene is spectacular. I love the flowers with the chains. Are the chains needed to keep the colour from flight? :) Back in the 80s I had a plant like the one your Dad loved. In fact, I had a jungle of plants, but very few since. I currently have one golden pothos dangling in my patio window. She is so graceful and happy there.

What a lovely memory of Spain for you - knowing your parents were here. I have been to England three times to visit one of my besties in Norwich. He used to live in Spain half the year for five years, but six years ago he fell ill with Parkinson's and hasn't been able to return. Last week he finally had to give up living at home and was admitted to a care home. I miss him so much. He can't speak coherently or write anymore.

What do you mean that you create textile artwork?

Regarding your ideas for a list, I really like that, and have those types of contact numbers but not in one handy list. So I will make that list up to have it on the ready. I started my emergency planning in the spring after the flood and blackout, but it was too hard to do it, because it was too hard to think about an emergency situation. For that reason, I stopped trying. So I started working on it again on Friday past, with the decision to do one little thing every day to prepare. Maybe we can start a thread together, you and me, on preparing for emergency? And hopefully others will join in. Many hands make light work.

((Hugs))

ChristineC1

Hi Starry,

I take pics of everything I do in the garden to create a seasonal catalogue and share with the bereavement group. I find sharing helps others and spurs me on to keep going when each day drifts into the next. I'll be sorting my winter garden, repositioning shady pots because I had to cut away at the fence to add huge plastic panels to deter my creepy neighbour watching me through the fence. It's an ongoing situation. I'd hear comments made to others about the perfume I was wearing, not aware that he was close enough to me to smell me through the fence. And then other times I would see his feet under the fence, or his shadow. I now have cameras everywhere. It started 15 years ago when he moved in. So being out there is to be hyper vigilant. Not exactly the most relaxing experience but I still feel better once I ease into it. My task for today is to get the potted ferns to the little pond and all the filters and pumps from the big because it has dried up. That will be a massive task to empty all the mud and reline. Shame because my plants were doing well.

Your poor friend. You must miss him terribly. My parents moved into an assisted living place where there is help on hand if needed with carers but maintaining an independence. They had a roof garden which I helped rejuvenate. They created beautiful gardens wherever we were. I miss the old garden before they moved. It was a proper cottage garden, a sanctuary for all wildlife. They had bats flitting about on an evening when we'd sit by the firepit after a bbq in the summer months. I miss my old life. Everything I did was with them. Getting upset now so I'll stop there.

I agree with your plan of getting one hard task done a day for your list. Feeling overwhelmed or avoiding things we don't want to do is human nature. I find making a start the hardest and then it will flow. If everyone has the completed list they can add to it. Can't imagine being flooded or having blackouts. I know it happens here, every year. The peeps can't move because they can't sell and can't get insurance. I panic if a fuse blows. I need to be in control. The massive mirror fell off the wall the other week and was only saved by the buddha's in the shrine. I managed to get it trussed up again and recreated the shrine (in memory of mam and then dad joined her there). I was so lucky it didn't smash everything. Here it is.

It is comforting knowing they are together, with my beloved cat, Porscha. Feels like everyone I love has died. I still have two sisters and their families but they are so far away. Babe, I'm getting too upset so I'll go for now. The shrine is a creative space in which to remember them but when I do I can't cope.

Lots of love xxx😥

ChristineC1

Hi Adrian_Scope,

Yes, I reported my neighbour to the police and they did nothing, saying it was a council matter (housed as a vulnerable person because of my agoraphobia). Council said I had no proof because I didn't have cameras in the loft to record him drilling out the wall, and then in the kitchen where he was climbing down through the ceiling hatch. I now have cameras in every room and every window looking out in every direction, including the street and my back garden. He is creepy beyond words and clearly a danger to women. He created a raised platform at the top of his garden fixed to my fence so he could stand on it to watch me. I am currently lining the entire fence with massive plastic sheets to raise the height so his vision will be blurred. This is a middle aged 6 foot man. The number of things I have discovered are too many to mention. The other really freaky thing was when he followed me to my therapy with his mate and I couldn't get parked so had to drive around. I followed his van watching him circle the street 3 times before he realised I was behind him and then he sped off. I do not know whether it was to sabotage my car, wait for me to go back to the car to do something to me. I do not know what he is capable of. He is limited in following me now because I only go to therapy once a week. He was following me to the local CO OP, swimming and Sainsbury's. He openly discusses what he is doing to me with other neighbours. It's the most bizarre situation I have experienced. And the nightmare continues.

😕

Santosha12

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1075445#Comment_1075445

Hi @ChristineC1, please excuse me interjecting on your thread. I've read your posts last week but not replied I'm sorry (recovering from Covid).

I'm so sorry for what you've been going through but seen you've had some very kind and helpful comments.

I just wanted to add have you heard of The Suzy Lamplugh Trust? They have a National Stalking Helpline. If you need it, their number is 0800 802 0300 it's open from 0930 to 2000hrs on Mon and Weds, and from 0930 to 1600hrs on Tues, Thurs and Fri. They're often very busy and ask if you can't get through to complete their online form and they will come back to you.

It goes without saying that you should have the absolute right to peaceful and non-intrusive enjoyment of your home and garden, and not to feel menaced when you're out and about either. I think the police response was appalling (but I don't know their policy etc).

Your posts today about your parents and Porscha were very moving. Being mostly housebound I'm trying to get to grips with improving my garden, being out in nature definitely helps.

Take care of yourself and my very warmest wishes to you.

ChristineC1

Hi Adrian,

Thank you for your kindness and info about the stalking. So many of the established helplines are relationship based. I did have a stalking group who did the risk assessment and it was at the highest level, now reduced because of everything I done to create boundaries, and just don't leave the house now apart from therapy. I don't have anyone to call on locally apart from my therapist. My isolation creates a 24/7 access for him because he lives next door. It all came down to my word against his. He knows how to play the game of not getting caught. Even cleared away all the rubble after the drilling of the brickwork. But the guys who repaired the wall discovered he'd laid a piece of carpet over the bricks to make his access easier. I was infested with rats from his loft. He stole my identity too (passport, birth certif and NI card) but I only realised much later when I needed them for renewing my disabled badge. He is obsessed. When I was up a ladder doing the fencing his sensor light came on and I turned round to see him **** at his window, holding his bits. He has sat in his van waiting for me to arrive home with my sister when she was staying with me for my hospital appts. He was **** apart from a pair of shorts. He listens to my conversations and so I cannot have a private telephone conversation at home. I know this because he gossips about me. I find it odd that this is not a secretive behaviour. The other neighbours are just as vile but he has gone to great lengths to intimidate me. He left me a freaky sticker on my old fridge plug - STIRRER and burned my wall paper next to the boiler. If I had not been decorating I would have never discovered it. I still hear his door open when I turn off my tv to go to bed. He waits in the dark outside until I turn off my laptop. I then hear his door close. He cannot possibly see me with the double layer curtains and blinds I have at all the windows. I love in darkness because of him. It doesn't matter how many times I recall the details it just reinforces my situation.

Hope you are on the mend with the dreaded covid and can get out into the garden. Even sitting watching Nature helps, though it is rather chilly and threatening rain out there. My cat, Sweetie, is nestled in a blanket waiting for me to serve her treats. We have been watching the birds feast on fat balls. Squirrels scamper and spiders survey their webs as leaves fall. I've been gathering another heap of fallen fig leaves. So satisfying banging the branches to get more to fall. Will get back out and potter, moving pots to sheltered spots and making plans for the Autumnal season ahead. Whatever you do, even sitting at a window looking out, being connected will fill you up. It does me.

Getting back out there before my Sweetie comes looking for me.

Lots of love xxx😁

Mary_Scope

So sorry to hear your situation @ChristineC1, it sounds very scary. You are very strong!!

You can report the incidences to the police again if you feel able to or to your local authorities adult social care.

You can also follow complaint procedures if you feel like you haven't been taken seriously. If you need any help with this please let us know.

Please don't hesitate to call 999 if you feel like you're in immediate danger

Santosha12

Hi @ChristineC1, thank you I'm not Covid positive now thankfully but slower than usual in getting my mojo back (well, what little there was to begin with 🫠😊).

I'm not Scope staff, just another forum user, unlike Adrian and Mary and others who are staff - I think if it's got _Scope next to their name, they're all Scope staff (so I'm not terribly knowledgeable but your situation sounds dreadful and I couldn't just 'walk past'). I'm glad you've had a risk assessment, I'd be keeping them updated on ongoing issues but that's just me and I don't know quite how they operate once you've got the boundaries in place). We're here for you; I don't think the staff are on here from 6pm to 10am each night.

Stay safe; your cat sounds very, sweet, as her name implies 😁. I'm in the garden a lot as I've got my dogs who are in and out all day. Sending hugs and wishing you a peaceful evening xx 🫂

ChristineC1

Hi Santosha,

I appreciate your friendship and kindness. Really helps connecting with people. I know I can't change my situation but having the cameras and high fencing seems to be doing the trick. I shout 'RECORD!' when I hear him and he seems to skulk away. I can never really settle or be off guard but it's better now than it's ever been. He used to watch me through the bushes and laugh with the neighbour on the other side to him (a middle aged woman who should know better but joined him in his antics) when I had a panic attack and have to go in the house. He even had a mirror on the shed wall so he could keep tabs on me. He took it down when the fence went up.

It's good having Sweetie as she alerts me to him when he's lurking behind the fence. She's quite fierce with the birds. A real hunter. But adores her mammy! And treats. Gives me the kissing eyes and 'makes cakes' when she's happy (kneading the blanket).

Just waiting for 'The Hack' at 9pm. My tv has lost it's brightness so very annoying. Can vaguely make out what's happening but a bit of a guessing game. Will be in bed soon with my laptop and 'Colin From Accounts'. Love it.

Stay warm babe. Quite chilly today. First day I've had to pop a jumper on.

😱 xxx

ChristineC1

Hi Mary_Scope,

I hadn't thought about Adult Social Care so will look into that. Thank you. I won't bother contacting the police again unless he actually threatens or attacks me, which I doubt he will. I still find living like this intolerable but have no choice. It's a warped reality to the ordinary life I lived before. I've just heard his door and assume that he is now watching me from the dark because I have the lights on in my garden with the curtains open. I honestly don't know what he gets out of doing this. All I'm doing is watching tv. All the neighbours know how obsessed he is. He has no shame.

😔 xxx

StarryEyed

Good morning @ChristineC1

Thank you for sharing your lovely shrine pics. Sharing pics of my life helps me too, as I feel more connected in the world. My favourite picture subjects are flowers, my kitty cat Angel, and friends and family. Here is a pic of some cut flowers I saw yesterday. I love the contrast between the dying flower and the healthy flower.

I know what you mean about the sadness of grieving being overwhelming. And as we get older, there is more to grieve as more people around us die - friends, family and people in the public eye. Sometimes it feels like my sadness will swallow me whole. It's particularly scary because I fear falling into depression again, which is paralysing sadness. So I try to sit with the sadness gently, respecting this emotion. Here is one of my favourite songs for sitting with sadness. I notice in one of your pics that you've written "Bee Gees" on one of the paper strips. So perhaps you'll like this song by them, 'How can you mend a broken heart?'

https://youtu.be/PciJq0qYJj8?si=4xC8TrciX3wPk2fj

Thank you for your encouragement to make a list of emergency contacts. I will start that today. Take care.

((Hugs))

ChristineC1

Hi Santosha,

I love the image that 'sitting with sadness' conjures up. To give it definition helps next time I am engulfed by grief. I just can't seem to 'move on', no matter how busy and motivated I keep myself. I can burst into tears for no reason. So to personalise it, give it human dimensions, should ease the wave when it descends. I'm imaging my Grandma now, sitting with me until the sorrow passes. It is debilitating. All I want to do is be with them. Nobody can describe the feeling of being utterly heartbroken. The chinks of joy throughout the day keeps me going. And friendships online are precious. To share is to lighten the load a little.

My Dad loved those flowers, along with his precious dahlia's. I always helped stake them because they were huge, the size of dinner plates. The old garden was full of jewels and I'd return home with bundles of flowers to adorn my own garden table because my house is so dark. That's why I garden. To feel close to them. I feel disconnected when I'm not out there. I have piles of leaves to bag up when the rain stops. My Sweetie is looking for mischief in the house because of the rain, even though she has the sofa with the taupe, creating a cave. We often sit together and enjoy the rain. Reminds me of camping as a kid. It always rained no matter where we were. Nestled under blankets with a hot drink and puzzle book. That's how I start my day, overlooking the garden, with Sweetie popping in and out through the window. She likes to keep an eye on me at all times.

My mam loved the Bee Gees and I do love that song. The memory tags are a collection of things that make mam special. Dad said he didn't want to be in the shrine and so I haven't added him in. But I will add little sails because he loved his boating. I was forever maintaining it, down in the engine room and scraping off barnacles when it was out of the water for repainting. It's only since losing my parents that I can see how lovely my life was with them. I had no objective point of view because it was my life and I was living in the moment. Everything becomes so precious afterwards. There's a line drawn creating a 'before' and 'after'. I'd give everything to be back in my old life. OMG I'm so upset again.

Good news. I have a new date for surgery in less than 2 weeks. I can only assume they will make it happen this time after all the delays. But I did go into meltdown yesterday after a phone call with a researcher into how people manage to eat again after reconstructive surgery. Mine is simple. They cut out the area and away I go. The only reconstruction will be to patch the area inside my lip where the cancer will be cut away. Spoke to my cancer nurse and he explained it. I'm so fragile at the mo and just go into a panic. Will be glad when it's all over and I can just live life again, even if it is very limited.

Must make a start on the day. I have no motivation at the mo. Sweetie is busy mooching about under the bed after I took the drawer out for clean bedding. Will have to coax her out with some Catnip Dreamies. At least she's not chasing bluetits.

Here's some Autumnal pics from before the rain started lashing down. I have just one climbing rose scrambling through the canopy.

Rosehips for the birds

and a blackberry or two.

Habitat corner is well stocked for hibernating creatures.

Assorted plants are ready to be dug in around the small pond (ferns and palms).

Needs some TLC. Lots of hibernating caves for the frogs and toads. The foxes are probs responsible for the waterfall tray sliding into the pond.

I've been feeding a mother and her newborn for years now. Dog food, sardines, berry fat balls and eggs. Every night around 7. And Sweetie watches for them, keeping guard over the garden. They wait now until she comes in because she's so fierce.

I have lots of leaves waiting for me. You can just make out Sweeties boxes in the background, covered in tarp. Loves a cardboard box and comes running when she hears I have a new one! Soz about the bad pic. Batteries were running flat. That's my excuse!

Still raining. I hope the big pond is filling up again as it's run dry with the ongoing leak. Just a muddy puddle now. Replacing the liner is not a job I'm looking forward to next year. I could just create a rose garden in it but I'd miss the waterfall I'd created. Drowns out the noise of the neighbours and the cars.

Hope your list is coming together. My day will be filled with household chores and cleaning the fish tank. My Elsie is a massive goldfish. Ancient and full of lumps and bumps now. Still precious. She sits with me watching tv. And Sweetie sits waiting for her fish flakes.

Take care babe. Lots of love xxx😀

StarryEyed

Hi @ChristineC1 👋🏼 😊 ❣️😘

What a delight to hear your insights and what's happening around you. It feels like we're hanging out in your garden, chatting over tea while Sweetie sits curled up under a luscious, leafy bush, watching us, with just one eye half open - as kitties often do.

If you were to give sadness an image, what would she/he/it look like?

I too had cancer. It was breast cancer, diagnosed in 2014 just the week before moving to Spain. And a month before that I was diagnosed with peripheral neuropathy in my feet. Those diagnosed were after a lifetime of other illnesses, so I applied for and started disability pension. I'm so sorry you've had a cancer recurrence. Are you going through treatment other than surgery?

Yes, I FINALLY finished my contact list last night. Having read your post gave me the push I needed to finish. Thank you for that. Pretty soon I'll have enough done to start our emergency preparedness thread. I'll let you know here when I start it. Or perhaps you want to start it?

Here are some flowers for you that I've seen recently.....

With much softness and love to you and Sweetie

💕✨ 🥰 ✨💕

ChristineC1

Hi babe,

Lots of love back to you! And if we were sitting having tea in the garden Sweetie would be very much in her own chair, joining in with the treats (she's loving her Catnip Dreamies at the mo) and probs having a wash!

Love the flowers. Thank you. I've been hard at it repotting plants, emptying and refilling the wall planters (lost my ivy as the hessian didn't hold water and so I'm relining and refilling them. So much work.) Large tubs are being refilled with new compost ready for my new roses. I'll have Florabunda and Tee around the seating area and climbers in massive pots running all along the fence with passion flower scrambling over everything. Made a big start on planting in my raised bed yesterday and so today's first task is to water in and then refill the pond and hope it doesn't leak out before I fill it. If can just keep it going over the winter I can reline again in Spring. Not a fave task. Will be stinking! Being immersed in the garden is the best for my wellbeing. The physical labour is exhausting and so I sleep well but also keeps me going in the grieving process (which isn't getting any easier after 4 years of losing mam and now a year for dad). I don't have the dates stamped in my head but I know they're coming up. Xmas is a very upsetting time because I always spent it with them. Getting upset just thinking about it.

Have a week to go for my surgery. No treatment afterwards, thank goodness. I remember how horrendous the chemo was for breast surgery. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that too. So many women do now. Maybe's they always did but didn't realise until it had spread. This mouth cancer is random and there's no lifestyle reason why it happens. I don't drink or smoke, eat healthy and take supplements for longevity. I follow the Rhonda Patrick diet of fruit and veg. I do indulge with crisps and choc now and again. Can you get Cadbury's out there? The Mediterranean diet is the most healthy.

So pleased you made a dent in your list. When I need a push it always comes from left field. I've learned that when I'm stuck doing something I know it will happen when it's meant to and not because I need to control it. Having a more relaxed approach to life is hard for me as I'm very driven. But I do enjoy my down time now, coffee and a puzzle book with Sweetie making cakes!

Off into the garden. It's pitch black by 5 so I lose a lot of time into the evening. I'm always slow on starting the day but Sweetie was awake at 6.30 this morn with the clocks changing. She scrabbles in her box next to the bed to wake me up. Lots a cardboard box. I have them in every room with 3 in the kitchen. She comes running when she hears a parcel being delivered!

Take care hun and much love xxx😁

StarryEyed

Hi @ChristineC1

I'm so happy you like your flowers. Yay!

So your first cancer was breat cancer? If you would like, you could give me the date and time of your presentation to hospital so that I can synchronise with you to send you loving vibes at that time by chiming my meditation bells, lighting a candle then lighting an incense stick. Would you like that?

Yes, we get some select Cadbury products here. Otherwise I would have to move. ;)

Here are some recent pics of my kitty Angel...

In her new basket (can you see her?):

From her mountaintop, waving hello:

Maybe Angel could join you, Sweetie and me in your garden? 💓

Here is my favourite mourning song, which I discovered in May 2023. That was the first time I lost someone very close to me. Perhaps this may speak to you in your mourning?

https://youtu.be/F3W5dabFPk4?si=tZPXLyCHzZOMPXy_

With much light and love to you and Sweetie 🕯️💓😊🤗

MadMilan2019

c/o Milan Ghosh aka MadMilan

StarryEyed

@ChristineC1 on second thought, maybe it's too personal for you to divulge the date and time of your surgery. If you want, you can pick any date and any time for me to send you vibes through the aforementioned steps.

@MadMilan2019 what an intriguing perspective in your poem. Wow. And the imagery is magical. Thank you for sharing that.

Tomorrow I will start the thread on emergency preparedness and post a link here. By committing to this now, that will give me the auto-boost to do it tomorrow. 😊

MadMilan2019

Not my poem, although others say my poetry is very good even excellent, humorous, funny insightful kind etc. However I know Derek Walcott is a master of poetry , a Jamaican like my stepdada Levi. bless his soul.

Thank you.

PS

Pass it on - de poem I mean.

StarryEyed

Here is the thread about making emergency plans:

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/139513/preparing-for-emergencies-and-catastrophes

@MadMilan2019 I agree with your assessment of this poet!