As We Near World Mental Health Day – Tips For Looking After Our Mental Health 💆

Hi Santosha,

I appreciate your friendship and kindness. Really helps connecting with people. I know I can't change my situation but having the cameras and high fencing seems to be doing the trick. I shout 'RECORD!' when I hear him and he seems to skulk away. I can never really settle or be off guard but it's better now than it's ever been. He used to watch me through the bushes and laugh with the neighbour on the other side to him (a middle aged woman who should know better but joined him in his antics) when I had a panic attack and have to go in the house. He even had a mirror on the shed wall so he could keep tabs on me. He took it down when the fence went up.

It's good having Sweetie as she alerts me to him when he's lurking behind the fence. She's quite fierce with the birds. A real hunter. But adores her mammy! And treats. Gives me the kissing eyes and 'makes cakes' when she's happy (kneading the blanket).

Just waiting for 'The Hack' at 9pm. My tv has lost it's brightness so very annoying. Can vaguely make out what's happening but a bit of a guessing game. Will be in bed soon with my laptop and 'Colin From Accounts'. Love it.

Stay warm babe. Quite chilly today. First day I've had to pop a jumper on.

😱 xxx

Hi Santosha,

I love the image that 'sitting with sadness' conjures up. To give it definition helps next time I am engulfed by grief. I just can't seem to 'move on', no matter how busy and motivated I keep myself. I can burst into tears for no reason. So to personalise it, give it human dimensions, should ease the wave when it descends. I'm imaging my Grandma now, sitting with me until the sorrow passes. It is debilitating. All I want to do is be with them. Nobody can describe the feeling of being utterly heartbroken. The chinks of joy throughout the day keeps me going. And friendships online are precious. To share is to lighten the load a little.

My Dad loved those flowers, along with his precious dahlia's. I always helped stake them because they were huge, the size of dinner plates. The old garden was full of jewels and I'd return home with bundles of flowers to adorn my own garden table because my house is so dark. That's why I garden. To feel close to them. I feel disconnected when I'm not out there. I have piles of leaves to bag up when the rain stops. My Sweetie is looking for mischief in the house because of the rain, even though she has the sofa with the taupe, creating a cave. We often sit together and enjoy the rain. Reminds me of camping as a kid. It always rained no matter where we were. Nestled under blankets with a hot drink and puzzle book. That's how I start my day, overlooking the garden, with Sweetie popping in and out through the window. She likes to keep an eye on me at all times.

My mam loved the Bee Gees and I do love that song. The memory tags are a collection of things that make mam special. Dad said he didn't want to be in the shrine and so I haven't added him in. But I will add little sails because he loved his boating. I was forever maintaining it, down in the engine room and scraping off barnacles when it was out of the water for repainting. It's only since losing my parents that I can see how lovely my life was with them. I had no objective point of view because it was my life and I was living in the moment. Everything becomes so precious afterwards. There's a line drawn creating a 'before' and 'after'. I'd give everything to be back in my old life. OMG I'm so upset again.

Good news. I have a new date for surgery in less than 2 weeks. I can only assume they will make it happen this time after all the delays. But I did go into meltdown yesterday after a phone call with a researcher into how people manage to eat again after reconstructive surgery. Mine is simple. They cut out the area and away I go. The only reconstruction will be to patch the area inside my lip where the cancer will be cut away. Spoke to my cancer nurse and he explained it. I'm so fragile at the mo and just go into a panic. Will be glad when it's all over and I can just live life again, even if it is very limited.

Must make a start on the day. I have no motivation at the mo. Sweetie is busy mooching about under the bed after I took the drawer out for clean bedding. Will have to coax her out with some Catnip Dreamies. At least she's not chasing bluetits.

Here's some Autumnal pics from before the rain started lashing down. I have just one climbing rose scrambling through the canopy.

Rosehips for the birds

and a blackberry or two.

Habitat corner is well stocked for hibernating creatures.

Assorted plants are ready to be dug in around the small pond (ferns and palms).

Needs some TLC. Lots of hibernating caves for the frogs and toads. The foxes are probs responsible for the waterfall tray sliding into the pond.

I've been feeding a mother and her newborn for years now. Dog food, sardines, berry fat balls and eggs. Every night around 7. And Sweetie watches for them, keeping guard over the garden. They wait now until she comes in because she's so fierce.

I have lots of leaves waiting for me. You can just make out Sweeties boxes in the background, covered in tarp. Loves a cardboard box and comes running when she hears I have a new one! Soz about the bad pic. Batteries were running flat. That's my excuse!

Still raining. I hope the big pond is filling up again as it's run dry with the ongoing leak. Just a muddy puddle now. Replacing the liner is not a job I'm looking forward to next year. I could just create a rose garden in it but I'd miss the waterfall I'd created. Drowns out the noise of the neighbours and the cars.

Hope your list is coming together. My day will be filled with household chores and cleaning the fish tank. My Elsie is a massive goldfish. Ancient and full of lumps and bumps now. Still precious. She sits with me watching tv. And Sweetie sits waiting for her fish flakes.

Take care babe. Lots of love xxx😀