When we listen, people may remember their worth
Here is a beautiful thought I just came across that can be especially fitting for this forum.
In the presence of another who truly listens,
The soul begins to remember its worth.
~Nicholas John
Here is the short by Nicholas John:
Comments
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Beautiful words @StarryEyed, thank you for sharing this. It really does make a difference to how you feel when you know someone is listening fully and understanding you. Or not even that they fully understand, but they're willing to try and see where you're coming from. Very thought-provoking βΊοΈ
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Thanks for sharing, that definitely resonates @StarryEyed
Just two days ago I realized I have literally a handful of people left from before I got ill. And with the idea that the majority is always right, my soul has crumbled beneath this weight⦠not sure if that makes sense. What I mean is that it took away my self-worth.
But their absence is more about them, then it is about us being ill. Not that I am saying that everyone should be able to deal with a chronic, but it would have been awfully nice to have not lost that many family members and friends.
Indeed, with those few who do express their support or appreciation⦠that is really good to feel, and sometimes astonishing to be honest.
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Beautiful π
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I like what you've written there β especially with regards to "the idea of the majority always being right"
My own self-worth issues stem from abuse within my family but I believe the reason I was more affected by the abuse than others in my family is the sustained invalidation as a result of long-term bullying throughout my developing years at school. I think this taught me to especially take the abuse to heart β in some perverse ways even "embrace" it, as if it was my place or something I deserved?
Going back to the idea about the majority, I think it is reflective of the bullying situation. I can truly look back and think that maybe half a dozen were truly malicious, but the rest just followed along to protect themselves from becoming a target⦠I wonder if this mirrors society where people follow along with opinions: perhaps people perpetuate popular opinions (they either don't understand, or even don't agree with) to keep the dogs off their own back?
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Yeah, I totallyΒ understand what you are saying, @66MustangΒ
People being social creatures, they tend to avoid conflict and choose the easy way out. But when you are the one being excluded, well... that is quite a different story and very hard to deal with - especially on top of all the insecurities of being ill.Β
To keep the dogs off their own back as you say is indeed one thing, in line with this there is the idea or notion that whatever made me ill in the first place could be a risk to anyone else as well. Lack of control is a threat that induces victim-blaming, people might never sleep again if they realize whatever happening doesn't have to be part of life because of a logical reason or explanation. Add to that the idea of the majority and it seems to become a cycle that goes on and on, othering being just one of the consequences.
I hope I am makingΒ sense, not sure if it is really clear what I am trying to say...
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What a lovely thread.
I've personally always disliked myself and about 60% of others do too, well it feels that way, I'm isolated literally almost completely in this world, partly my fault because I've never been able to beat the severity and complexities of my autism and anxiety and partly others for what they've done to me all my life by taking advantage of my weak points and literally a*using me in every way you can think of from boarding school to the present day.
I've seen and been through some nasty things and Despite the ups and downs we see on the forum, there's still overall a united family beneath the surface ,(that's why I returned twice).
There's some special people on this forum and many of them!
π
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Something I find is when I'm in crisis, I can't listen to others or even my own voice. So whether or not I can listen is actually a guide I use to determine if I'm in crisis.
I love this saying - something like this:
We were given two ears and one mouth so that we listen twice as much as we speak.
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That's brilliant
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Why, thank you, @Nightcity I didn't make it up. I just heard it somewhere along my journey. βΊοΈ
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Beautiful words @StarryEyed, truly listening to someone is a skill, and one that few people seem to have. Being listened to, and actually understood, is so powerful.
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Powerful, indeed.
Actually, I think we don't exist until we are listened to. At the very least it feels like it. Waaaay back, in the 70s I think it was, I heard this saying,
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?
The act of someone listening to me makes me visible. I think that's especially true for minorities, including disabled people. Again, talking about the majority voice that by default excludes the minority voice.
I'm just so thankful to be on this forum to finally be amongst my peers so that my disabled self doesn't feel invisible anymore. Here the majority voice is the minority voice. ππ
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To make you laugh @StarryEyed: I remember it being like 'If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, did it happen' and then once changed it to 'If a tree falls in the forest and no one mentioned it on Twitter, did it happen?'
But without trying to be funny, I do appreciate people daring to open up. Especially after all the nastiness we've been through of not being heard. Unfortunately, I trust most of us have seriously experienced that.
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Indeed they're all a variation of the same thing - that if no one is listening, it didn't happen. I know the modern version sounds funny, but it's true. We are all seeking validation, being heard. Including me. Do you hear me? π
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Oh, I definitely see and hear you! Big hug :)
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If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?
If current research is correct, no it doesn't
Look up the double split experiment, if something isn't being observed atoms don't act the usual way.
Its really freaky, and kinda goes into that thinking are we in a matrix.
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Thank you. And right back atcha β€οΈπ
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@rubin16 How cool is that???
You know, it's the same idea behind the current talk of gaslighting, which denies a person's reality. It can actually drive a person insane or at the very least very mentally damaged. So what I mean is not listening in the extreme is a form of gaslighting.
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If a forest has a sound that nobody hears, did s tree fall? π
Reversing it could show some people see things completely another way round but can still agree on the main theme.
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Answers can be damaging, when you truly find the truths about things there is no going back, and trying to function again in society.
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I'm not sure what you mean.
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