Title: The Quiet Loneliness of Watching Others Move Forward ​

pooleemily29

​"There’s a specific kind of ache that comes with watching the people around you find their 'forever' while you feel like you’re standing in the same place. Lately, for me, that ache has started to turn into a real loss of hope.

​I’ve reached a point where seeing successful, intimate relationships doesn't just feel like a happy update for a friend—it feels like a reminder of a milestone I’m terrified I’ll never reach. I’m finding it hard to even imagine the basics of a relationship anymore, let alone the 'big' things like engagement or marriage.

​It’s a heavy place to be: trying to be a supportive friend while simultaneously feeling like I’m being left behind. I’m starting to wonder if that kind of connection is even in the cards for me.

​I’d love to hear from anyone who has navigated this. How do you protect your heart and keep your head up when it feels like everyone else is moving into a chapter you’re still waiting to start?"

@pooleemily29 🤔🫣

SmellyBin

Hi Emily,

That is exactly what I was thinking today - the loneliness of other moving forward, it being my theme this morning and still is… until I read your post that is more specific than the title.

I am sorry for what you are experiencing and understand your suffering, even though it is not similar to my current situation. You should cheer yourself on for being a friend when you are happy for them, yet I also think we need to give ourselves space for the difficulties we are having when other people’s life seem more able, happy, pleasant. I am saying this as much to myself as to you, because it is really hard when to feel stuck and isolated. So yeah, that part I can relate to.

Let me add a link to a conversation about grief I had in a different thread here on this forum about chronic grief, a recurring issue that can have so many different themes.
I don’t want this to be about me, but to explain: last few days it was hard for me that most people get to celebrate the holidays, but not me. And today, quite unexpectedly, I am sad for everyone going back to normal, but still not me. So either way, I feel stuck.
Hopefully you get what I am saying: us chronics have quite a lot going on… it is okay to mourn anything you are dealing with, you get to feel what you feel.

This might not be helpful, but I hope you find someone else here who can relate to this specifically…

Kimi87

I've replied to you before on the same subject, it absolutely sucks all I can say is it's okay to grieve for the life you expected to have, to grieve over not having the things you want while watching everyone else get to have those things. I think time helps, that ache never goes away but it becomes normal and a bit easier to live with.

I've had three long term single friends find relationships this year, unfortunately it doesn't improve my optimism about finding the same, in fact my internal reaction to the third was "f*** sake not you as well!"

I've accepted my ill health and make the best life I can, I've accepted having children isn't in any way possible (it's the lack of nieces/nephews that gives me the real sad feelings), I cannot accept going through life alone living a life that doesn't meet my physical or emotional needs. And why should I.

After a very late start to relationships (almost 36) with a boyfriend who didn't last long, it has all ground to a complete halt for 6 months now even finding any casual relationships have ended despite my best efforts.

I'm 39 in a few months. I feel worse off than when I hadn't got started because now I know exactly what I'm lacking, instead of relying on my imagination fuelled by books, movies, tv shows and watching interactions of friends/ family or listening to them talking about their experiences.

pooleemily29

@SmellyBin @Kimi87 thank you for replying it is extremely having to watch it every year it gets tougher because I don't want to be single anymore id like that serious intimate relationship but unfortunately for me all I seem to get it friend zoned and that really doesnt help either. Im constantly asking myself ' am I ever going to get off this sodding shelf. Its annoying 😑 and even more hesrt ache 😒 for me I think.

@pooleemily29 😀

Ross1975

I'm 50 years old and I've never even experienced someone acting like they're attracted to me for some reason, except for around a year ago when I noticed a woman working at the checkout in the supermarket kept looking at me and then when I gave her the money she winked at me, I keep thinking does this mean she was attracted to me? Is it finally evidence that some women can be attracted to me? Or am I just desperately grasping at straws?

Chris75_

Andi66

For me relationships are scary and confusing. I miss in a way not having someone, but I'm 59 now, so that's long gone. The relationships I had were abusive, the first was my daughter dad . I was taken in later by a narcissistic who treated me terribly, nearly costing my job at the time.

I get confused about how I perceive blokes, how do I know if they like me or just being friendly. This confusion in my weird autistic brain. Causes me to sort of imagine that maybe he does. Then. I get a reality check. My daughter who lives with me, who has asd, bpd, has no problem, she is very pretty though. She's been with her bloke over a year, long distance. So I just got to point of given up. And concentrating on hobbies. I have my pets for company .

rubin16

I really don't get relationships, the thought is alien to me. I've never really felt the need to want to be in a relationship with anyone. I also don't like any form of physical touch, so the idea of having a relationship with anyone really makes me uneasy. Also the idea of being around someone 24/7 would drive me insane.

I'm just happy having friends thats enough for me and the perfect relationship for me.

Catherine21

Relationships for me was something I thought you had to have young teenage me my first boyfriend gosh I was obsessed he dumped me and not understanding the bpd side of me went out of my mind with feeling abandoned I ended up very ill had to be admitted to hospital and growing up two failed marriages and drama yearning to be close to someone but actually hate being cuddled even holding hands and as rubin said being around someone 24/7 Drains my soul the only way I find some sort of peace is away from people sad but true psychiatrist doesn't seem to understand that people relationships trigger me to much

Stellar

Don't read too much into people finding their "forever" partners. Half of them will be divorced in five years cause society forces matrimony onto people, even when relationships clearly aren't healthy for them.

as for me, i'm around your age and never dated. but that's more because i need to leave the uk for my sanity as one of nine globally minded, ambitious people that lives here lol. i'm practically undateable compared to you.

Kimi87

Literally every person who I know that married in their 20's are all divorced... But now all with new partners!

How come some people have no trouble finding multiple partners, but others like me can't even find one 😢