Help With Teenager With Cp

Guest

I need some help with my 17 years old son who has mild CP - I know teenagers are meant to be hard work etc but i am sure a lot of his angriness is focussed on his disability. I think he is being bullied at college and work and he feels isolated but when I try to talk to him etc he just flares up at me making it totally impossible to talk.

I think we are close but amongst this he is having to cope with my marriage break down (two years ago)- he sees his dad once a week so i feel that this can be causing problems as well. I am suffering from depression and hormonal imbalance.

He has a rash all over his body for which the doctor has prescribed cream but my son won;t use it but then sits and scratches and he also pulls his hair out (Trichotillamania) leaving bald patches and he sucks his thumb.

I really am finding it hard to cope with this single handedly and don't really know where to turn- we keep having these frustrating times and each one gets worse- he says I am always on his case but I am only trying to keep him on the right path - his hygiene is very poor so I remind him to shower/clean teeth - to him this is nagging. He won;t eat properly - I make a good meal each night but he will snack on crisps etc during the day - I buy sandwich fillers and throw them away because he is too lazy to make sandwiches. this causes me to get cross because money is tight and i hate wasting food.

He has no social life outside college and work- spends hours on the internet - I have tried to invite friends etc but he just has no interest.

help - any suggestions??

Guest

I need some help with my 17 years old son who has mild CP - I know teenagers are meant to be hard work etc but i am sure a lot of his angriness is focussed on his disability. I think he is being bullied at college and work and he feels isolated but when I try to talk to him etc he just flares up at me making it totally impossible to talk.

I think we are close but amongst this he is having to cope with my marriage break down (two years ago)- he sees his dad once a week so i feel that this can be causing problems as well. I am suffering from depression and hormonal imbalance.

He has a rash all over his body for which the doctor has prescribed cream but my son won;t use it but then sits and scratches and he also pulls his hair out (Trichotillamania) leaving bald patches and he sucks his thumb.

I really am finding it hard to cope with this single handedly and don't really know where to turn- we keep having these frustrating times and each one gets worse- he says I am always on his case but I am only trying to keep him on the right path - his hygiene is very poor so I remind him to shower/clean teeth - to him this is nagging. He won;t eat properly - I make a good meal each night but he will snack on crisps etc during the day - I buy sandwich fillers and throw them away because he is too lazy to make sandwiches. this causes me to get cross because money is tight and i hate wasting food.

He has no social life outside college and work- spends hours on the internet - I have tried to invite friends etc but he just has no interest.

help - any suggestions??

panther

Hi Worried mum

Sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time with things. There is a lot in your post that I can't coment on as I haven't expierenced it.

But I know that I could never talk to my parents about my disability I don't know why I think I felt they wouldn't understand wouldn't be interested or think I was being stupid not such which or maybe it was a combination of all three.

Also when I was your sons age I started to have seizures and was diagnosed with epilepsy. This was something I really struggled to deal with and again wouldn't/couldn't talk to my parents. Things actually got that bad that I used to lie to my parents and tell them I'd had no seizures when I'd actually had 2 or 3 that day. I think by not admitting to them I'd had them was my way of trying to bury my head in the sand about what was happening.

With regards the cp and talking to my parents it took me years before I could talk to them. I'm 32 years old and it's only last year I felt I could talk to them. Then I knew that there was a lot I left out and what I did say was written on 4 sheets of A4 paper and sent to them in the post as I didn't feel I could openly talk to them about it face to face.

Even then they said they didn't really see why I'd felt I needed to write it so I thought I'd failed and would never get them to understand. But in small ways my relationship with them has changed they do seem more aware so maybe some of it did stick!!

It's easier said than done but try not to beat yourself up too much about it. Have you thought of seeing if your son would talk to a counsellor? I also went to a counsellor when I was in my early 20s to help deal with how I felt the disability affected me and my life and I think that helped me lay a lot of things to rest wtc.
Sometimes there needs to be someone totally unconected to you or the situation for you to feel you can open up and be honest with how you feel when I did my counselling only one of my closest friends knew I was going none of my family knew anything about it. Sometimes it's hard to talk and be honest with people when they are so close to the situation.

Just a few thoughts that may or may not help.

Take care

Helen

frenchy

hiya worried mum, i bet you feel like you are banging your head against a brick wall, your son is at that horrible age when you think everyone is aginst you anyway and with a disability thrown into the picture its going to be so much worse, i think helen has given you loads of advice as she has obviously been there and got the t-shirt, i think counselling would be a great idea as you do sometimes have to talk to someone who is not in the middle of it so that they dont know you or judge, when my daughter was diagnosed i spoke to people at work and the immense relief i felt for talking to someone "un-connected" helped no end...
why dont you ask your ex-husband to have a word and ask whats troubeling him, you might just find that he opens up to him as he is the absent parent if you like and he may find it a bit easier to open up to him...
i hope you can sort this out, it cant be easy for you or for your son as he sounds a bit depressed too..
take care of yourself and let us know how you get on in the next few months.
kate xxxx

Guest

Thanks Kate and Helen

My son and I actually spent lots of time last night talking and crying and I see this as a positive step. I think we are going to try and get a counsellor for my son to talk to- he does talk to his dad but all his dad has said is that he got bullied too and its part of life..... so my son feels as tho he hasn;t any support there.

One problems we have is that all the family see the things Phil does as just habits- hair pulling and thumb sucking and either make fun of him or tell him to grow out of it.... I can;t seem to get thru to people that he has a disability- he is very mild and i think this makes it worse- maybe if he was worse and in a wheelchair then people would accept him as a disabled person rather than just a wayward teenager.
I think we will go down the road of counsellors with him - i know he is very worried about the future and how the disability will affect him starting job hunting, etc love and all that... such a heavy load at 17.

Anyway thanks for your advice- its good being on here knowing everyone just understands

Thanks

Ali and Phil

panther

Hi Ali and Phil

Good luck with the counselling Phil. It won't be easy I'll be lying to you if I said when I did it was. But I found one way of getting through it was to do something nice for me after it. Almost like a kind of reward for having done another session and being a step closer to getting things sorted. I'd often get a take away or something on my way home so after the counselling session I didn't have to go home and start cooking!! It helped to see me through the sessions and they were worth it in the end.

We all have those kinds of fears about the future and I think I found it easier when I left home as I didn't just leave home I moved away from where all my family lived so there was just me to do things and only me to see and know about the mistakes I made on the way.

Take care both of you and good luck.

Helen

jillmo

Hi there This is toms mum here

I have a son aged 23 years old he has spad quad c.p eplicey and meny outher problems i am his main carer and i look after him on a 24/7 job i love him to bits i have to wash/dress/change his nappies/fead him /brush his teath and everthing else but he is my son and he needs the care my son carnt do much for himself what i think you should do is to help him a little and be with him aswell he may wont you to help him a little kids do tend to lack in persenell hygeine a bit at that age but you should help him brush his teath ect bacouse his breath will smell outher wise you are a good mum
paulen