50 year old alone and disabled with depression.

dai

I am feeling so low lately and now with knowing i got to go through another board is just getting to hard to cope.Last year i was diagnosed with a swallowing problem I also got arthritus of my hip and suffer from depression and anziety.Anyway I was 17 stone last summer and with 6 weeks i went down to 9 stone since then my depression has kicked in big time so much that others can see it straight away before i could hide it by saying i was in pain with my hip but now i have gone so into myself the hole street knows which dont help i didnt care before what others thought about me but now i am very conciouse of myself the docters have uped my dosage on anti.depressants which i start tonight and i am trying to be optemistic but boy its hard .I got a social worker who i see once a month and she wants me to see a phyciatrist.I always new i had a mental problem since i was 13 and self harmed i had a bully for a dad and got molested by a school teacher for a year in juneiur school so i think that didnt help with my anger and paranoia people were i live dont know how to take me as 8 years ago i snapped through stress i cut my face up but also lashed out to others and they got hurt i always used to ask for help but it was only when i got addicted to heroin i got help and now my worker knows every thing i have been told if i feel down and strest to phone her and she will make arrangements for me to go in hospital.I have also been on a kind of suicide whatch were 2 woman would visit me for half an hour to make sure i was ok.The thought of going to a board and they say i fit for work makes me ill my worker says dont worry she will help fill in the form and help some people have said your genuin so dont worry but reading some of the forums they just out to take money back and not careing about how ill or disabled people are.Well if thats the case some bad things are going to happen to disabled people some will get more ill than they already are some will freeze,starv,crack up and then cameron will have to dish out the cash i think its going to be like a mine field out there if they dont listen to people who are genuine well i think i have said enough if nobody replys i will understand i am a nice guy that has had a cruel up bringin and couldnt keep it bottled up any longer and another thing people who have had it sweet all thier lives dont understand how damaged people can get and not get the rite treatment in time.well there it is. byeeee.