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This thread brings back memories. My son would come home from school and wreak havoc on the house every day. Rip the curtains down, throw all his books and toys down the stairs, shred the toilet paper and drop that down the stairs too, pound on the windows and the doors and the TV and attack his younger brothers.
No wonder both I and his brothers are such a mess now:(
It completely broke me having to say I couldn't cope with him anymore but I should have admitted it sooner and then his brothers' lives wouldn't have been wrecked too.
I couldn't get any meaningful help with him. Respite was already full from families with less need but more ability to shout. All I got was a harness and a big chair to strap him into which was just cruel. Don't foil yourselves into thinking the respite situation used to be better!! Local parents think things are bad now but they have always been bad.
If everyone asked for residential placements earlier they might recognise that proper respite care is a good investment.
I was finally told by the social worker that the residential budget was separate and probably my only way forward as my other children were in too much danger but it still took a crisis for me to accept that which broke the whole family. As a single parent in the spectrum myself I wasn't even offered any help after it happened and now twenty years later I am a disaster and I haven't seen my eldest son for ten years or my middle son for five. Youngest won't leave the house and has no life. He has no support besides me and I am useless.
Don't cling into a high needs child if it is going to destroy your other children and yourself!!
BTW I got really upset that all the talking sessions were aimed at Dads. They assumed that mums had people to talk to but other mums didn't like me as being on the spectrum I didn't fit in at all and they would actually turn their backs on me!!
Now I can't cope with people at all:( I was homeless last year and now my neighbours want to evict me. I had thought I was paranoid but they really are out to get me as they wrote to the landlord complaining about my rabbits and the screening I had put up to get some privacy. I was forced to take the screening down so now going in the garden is an ordeal that I have to force myself to go through every day. It is far from the worst thing I have had to deal with but I am also faced with the knowledge of how ridiculous I am constantly. I shouldn't be so frightened of everything but I am just a wreck.
And social services won't even take a referral unless I can phone them. I had someone call and explain but it has to be me. And they implied there was nothing they could do anyway given the backlog so why put myself through berating myself about it...
Get help before you get destroyed. It won't be easy but it'll be better in the end.
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