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how to change the way i behave

i go t barred from a coffee shop cos people were scared of my learning disability why are people scared of that


  • Debbie_Alumni
    Debbie_Alumni Member Posts: 944 Pioneering
    Hello there,

    It's a bit difficult to answer your question without knowing a bit more about what happened at the coffee shop which led to you being barred. If you would like to talk some more about this with us we'd be happy to listen and see if we can provide you with some information that might help.

    Kind regards
  • hi i was barred cos a girl in there that worked in the coffee shop pretented to be my friend and sawped numbers with me and then weeks later said to her boss she was scared of me i only tryed to make friends
  • Debbie_Alumni
    Debbie_Alumni Member Posts: 944 Pioneering
    I'm really sorry to hear that you've had this experience and it's a shame that the coffee shop feel that your custom is not welcome any more, however they do have a duty to ensure that their staff's well-being is taken care of and if they feel that there is risk then they do reserve the right to refuse to let you in. Making new friendships can be quite difficult for anyone and we can all make mistakes from time to time. I feel that you might benefit from some advice from our community adviser who specialises in behavioural support. The link to her page is If you would like me to ask on your behalf I would happy to do this for you.
  • justme
    justme Member Posts: 6 Listener

    It sounds like a very upsetting experience. Hope you are feeling a bit better.
    Relationships are very complex and hard work for both people who have a learning disability and for people that don't have a learning disability.

    Some people do no understand what a learning disability is and that scares them because people are scared of things they don't understand properly. They are probably not scared of you, they just haven't learnt about what a learning disability is. That is their problem, not yours.

    It might be that they where just being a bit mean to you. This isn't kind but the best thing is just to leave them alone and not get yourself into any trouble

    It might also be because you did something that scared them even though you didn't mean to. Everyone makes mistakes like this sometimes, but when you have a learning disability It can mean you make more mistakes in social situations than others. I can understand this because I have a type of social learning difficulty call 'Apergers Syndrome'.

    Sometimes when I make mistakes or other people are scared/ offended by my behaviour I find it helpful to say something like 'I'm really sorry if I've offended you, I have a disability that makes social situations difficult for me. I sometimes make mistakes, but I didn't mean to upset you' or I get my support worker to speak to them. Do you have a support worker?

    I think the important thing is not to let it get you down and not get into arguments or get angry that might get you into more trouble. If someone upsets you and you just walk away that makes you the better person.

    Also, a good tip would be not to swap numbers with someone unless you know them really well and trust them. Sometimes people can pretend to be your friend, but if you don't know them really well, best not to trust them.

    Hope that helps a bit
  • thanks to you recimend awarness training
  • Debbie_Alumni
    Debbie_Alumni Member Posts: 944 Pioneering
    Thank you justme for taking the time to respond to this post. I found it very helpful and I hope that mrcrillyfromkilken also found it helpful. The advice you've given is really good and I think it will be very helpful for anyone reading this thread.

    Best wishes


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