Dating and relationships
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Problem with requests from son

This discussion was created from comments split from: Hi, I'm Gill, I'm a PSHE Specialist.


  • MixxiMixxi Member Posts: 29
    Thanks Karen for asking that question and Gill for the really useful answer. My son is 9 is largely non verbal but HF Autism. He's a lovely, flirty, cuddily boy, who loves being tickled. Generally not so keen on strangers unless they are glossy-haired young girls who smile alot :)

    We occasionally have a bit of a problem with requests for "hand on your willy". I don't want to freak him out so just go for a firm friendly 'no'.
    I'd welcome any further advice on what I think is going to develop into a rather saucy young man!
    Also, slightly worried that I may have to give up walking around my house in the nude now :( are there no pleasures left to me? :)
  • PSHEexpertPSHEexpert Member Posts: 170 Pioneering
    Hello Mixxi - sounds as though you have a charmer in the making! I think in your case, as he is a bit younger, it would be good starting off by setting some "body boundaries". This sounds scarier than it is and of course will look really weird written down but stick with me! Basically, it sounds as though he is enjoying exploring his own body and is naturally curious about other people's; whilst that is of course absolutely fine he needs to understand which bits are just for him (and that it's just the same for other people too). I usually go with the "if it's in your underwear it's only for you" rule as a starting point, using clear visual cues to support the talk;again I really like the "Talking Together" FPA books for this. The key thing is that if he understands that his private parts are only for him (for now obviously!) it will hopefully reduce any risk of him exploring them more publicly as his body starts to change during puberty, because that boundary will already be in place. It will also give him a sense of autonomy over his body hopefully which will help him to stay safe as he grows up. With regards being nude - I have to say I am always torn here because hey, who doesn't like a bit of time off from clothes? BUT - unfortunately - it can sometimes cause a bit of confusion as children will tend to model what they see and if you're trying to encourage him to understand that if it is in his underwear it is his (and then you can easily translate that to "private" as you go along) he might find it difficult to understand. I hope I haven't ruined your day with that one (and I am really very sorry if I have!). It is just another visual cue and as we know they are a huge help in reinforcing learning. As with my response to Karen below - the key is always friendly, neutral, firm and he's getting all that from you, and he's a tactile happy chappie too so it sounds like he has lovely positive body image which is fab! I hope that was helpful, as I say different things work for different children.
    - Gill 
  • MixxiMixxi Member Posts: 29
    Hi Gill, just a quick note to say thank you for your excellent advice. Okay, so I will miss dancing around my house in the nude (curtains closed, of course) but have sacrificed this pleasure for the greater good. [except when no one is home - don't tell!]
    I know it sounds rather silly and I like to appear a bit flippant about it - but honestly, I was concerned. At least now I feel (a) I'm on the right track (b) I have a plan of things I can do to support him. Thanks again
  • PSHEexpertPSHEexpert Member Posts: 170 Pioneering

    Hi Mixxi, lovely to hear back from you! I definitely think you are on the right track - no doubt about that. I have just found that my greatest tool is consistency because it is so useful for reinforcing what you are trying to achieve, and I think that so much of that comes from what we model and reflect. As an aside, I am glad to hear you haven't sacrificed the naked dancing altogether - it's all a matter of balance! Please do get in touch if there's anything else I can help with.
    - Gill 
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