12-year old son is deaf, undergoing an ASD assessment and refusing school - any advice? — Scope | Disability forum
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12-year old son is deaf, undergoing an ASD assessment and refusing school - any advice?

ClareP Member Posts: 1
I'm mum to a 12 year old boy who is deaf and currently undergoing an asd assessment. He has suspected pdd/pda. We are really struggling, as is his 10 year old sister. He is refusing school, yet school are blaming us for him not going in. He is verbally aggressive and gets very angry and is physical very strong. When anger and anxieties are high he pushes us about. We are struggling hugely as a family. Would love to hear from anyone with similar experiences and would value any advice on how to support his sister. We live in Hertfordshire. Thanks.


  • abstractLucas
    abstractLucas Member Posts: 76 Connected
    I don't really have any useful advice about managing behaviour but wanted to say I'm glad you posted as I'm sure someone will be able to share some of their experiences.  

    It sounds like things are very difficult for all of you right now, and I wonder if there's a way you could access informal carers support where you are? Maybe do a search to find out if there is a carers support service nearby - where I am (Bristol) we have a great support centre and there a Carersline number you can ring for advice or even if you just need to let off some steam!  

    Might also be worth contacting the council department relevant to children with additional needs (sorry to be so vague but these departments are called different things everywhere!) and see if they have any suggestions of how they could support the entire family - you and your daughter as well as your son.  The magic words are "I would like a full carers assessment as I am entitled to under the Children And Families Act 2014". This assessment will have to consider the impact of your son's issues on all of you, regardless of whether he has 'official' diag.  Different councils operate different thresholds but it's possible they might also consider him to be (and please don't let the phrasing frighten you off) "a child in need", which means they would have a number of other obligations to him, and to you.  It doesn't mean you aren't looking after him or anything like that, and has nothing to do with child protection stuff, it just means that he wold be seen as being in need of extra support because of his issues.  

    As for school getting stroppy with you re his reluctance to attend, that's just silly. Ask for a meeting with the SENCO - the special educational needs co-ordinator (every school has to have a named member of staff who is the senco, usually pronounced 'sen' as in send then 'co' as in cooperate) - and explain that your son has these issues and you'd like to find a way to work together with the school to make things better for everyone.  Ask for their experience with PDA and ASD - have they done training, do they have any website links they would recommend for you, because here are a few you'd like them to check out - and then hand them a piece of paper with some links you've found useful.  That way they might not feel so defensive but you might be able to get them to focus on the important things instead of being upset about their attendance stats!
    Good luck, I hope things improve soon.
  • Sam_Alumni
    Sam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,673 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @ClareP how are you getting on?  Would you like to ask our challenging behaviour advisor?
    Senior online community officer
  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 740 Listener
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