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To Take Control AGAIN

unwiselady Community member Posts: 8 Listener

Gave over use of my car (for 15months, a couple of days a week) I took out the Badge of course but as I live in an isolated area I began to feel too trapped when car not at my door.  Insurance renewal due so I became the only driver again and did not share the car.  Almighty row and much else to follow.  Made to feel "we need the car ....etc"

Sticking to my decision but "paying for it".

Anybody help me here with this dilemma?


  • abstractLucas
    abstractLucas Community member Posts: 76 Connected
    edited October 2016
    A tricky one @unwiselady.  If it helps, I think you've done the right thing, and I think the people you loaned it to are being very unreasonable.  If they 'need the car' then they need to go and get their own car - that isn't an excuse for them to have yours!  
    I absolutely understand you feeling trapped when you didn't have access, but that's almost a side issue - it's your car, you don't have to justify wanting it!
    I don't really have any useful advice for how to manage the situation I'm afraid, but I hope it helps to know others are on your side.  Sadly some people close to us know how to make us feel guilty in order to get what they want, and sometimes they use that to take advantage.
    Take care
  • bam
    bam Community member Posts: 326 Pioneering
    My experience since I've been diagnosed with MS azpeople just really want to take advantage of you. They want what you have. I remember when I first got diagnosed I had some girl that I barely knew want me to set it up where she had control of my financial life and she would put me on an allowance. She was married with two really young children. Both her and her husband were unemployed and had no interest in trying to find a new job. So,she wanted me to move into her one-bedroom apartment with her husband and two young children. She told me I could share the bedroom with her two young children. One of which was like 6 months old. In return she wanted me to pay for over half the rent. Then she tried to get me to sign my car over to her. She wanted to give my car to some random in her life. Wynn I said no for everything she then wanted me to "loan" her money. She wanted me to give her over $5,000. After I said no she got extremely angry at me. She told me how unfair and unreasonable I was being with my money. I'd say if you want more money in your life then you and your lazy husband should go out and get jobs. That's the first thing you should do. After about a year of not talking to her I actually found out the reason why her and her husband were not working was because they both got arrested  because of child pronography and they wanted me to pay for their mistakes. People want to take advantage of others because of their illnesses
  • Lynne53
    Lynne53 Community member Posts: 52 Courageous
    I had an elderly friend who died s few years ago. Her son was the Apple of her eye even though he was almost always on heroin.  He took her car and her badge and once a week her picked her up for church and she thought that was good of him.  No amount of telling her it was wrong would change her mind so we used to drive her around.  They say love is blind.  Not too long after she died he also died of an overdose 
  • Philip
    Philip Community member Posts: 34 Courageous
    You've done the right thing, it's your car, you're the one that's disabled, stick to your guns
  • unwiselady
    unwiselady Community member Posts: 8 Listener


    Thank you to those in Scope who have taken time to support me with my very first connection with you all.  It is so encouraging, and appreciated, as believe me, I have been isolated, to "make me pay" to my hard decision ....told "You...really have shot yourself in the foot this time", which I found emotionally hard to bear.

    To have your insightful comments give me courage to move forward here.

    We all have to brace up to vulnerability which sadly some do take advantage of.

    To me, finding Scope, by a sheer fluke, has been very supportive.

    There is obviously a real "community" here.

  • abstractLucas
    abstractLucas Community member Posts: 76 Connected
    How lovely, @unwiselady, that you feel supported, and how poetically you've expressed yourself here!
    Glad that you feel stronger in your resolution to regain control of your car - as you can see from the replies, everyone here is absolutely on your side with this.
    Take care, and stay in touch!
  • unwiselady
    unwiselady Community member Posts: 8 Listener


    Thank you. Though it has been difficult, as nobody want to feel isolated, because change simply has to be made, and you think it will work out, very often it does not go smoothly. 

    I often feel there are too many who have a misconceptions about Blue Badges and seem to believe the holder has got this, and really does not need it.....that much therefore it follows, they can do without it, for a day or two, as it will not be that inconvenient. They will "get by".

     So often now it seems to me you can be backed into a corner and the only way out is to take a drastic course of action, then having caused life to be more inconvenient for others, who is the finger pointed at...well the person who has disrupted what had never been intended to be  the "status quo."  Just a short term measure....for whatever reason.

    The Blue Badge out not to be seen as an emblem of vulnerability.    

  • ScopeHelpline
    ScopeHelpline Community member Posts: 207 Courageous
    Hi @unwiselady

    We'd echo many of the sentiments already expressed here by other community members. 

    Your car is yours; it's your property, and you're certainly under no obligation to share it with anyone, regardless of how much they may or may not 'need' it.  

    You've been put in a really difficult situation by the person/people you have lent your car to previously.  To try and 'guilt-trip' you or make you feel mean (whether this was intentional or not) is unfair.  At best, it shows a lack of consideration for your feelings - and at worst, it's manipulative.  Whatever your reasons, the person/people you've lent your car to in the past should respect the fact that this is your decision to make, and have the good grace to thank you for access to the car for the last 15 months. Their transport needs are not your responsibility and it is not your burden to bear.  

    Glad you're finding the community a useful source of support - feel free to ask any other questions here on the helpline thread or have a poke around at other areas, there's lots to explore!

    Kind Regards



  • unwiselady
    unwiselady Community member Posts: 8 Listener

    @ unwiselady. To SCOPE HELPLINE.

    Thank you so much for these comments.  They have  helped me very much, over a difficult issue.  It often needs the words written, so that they jump out at you ...common sense, yes, Hard to accept, when as you so rightly state there are manipulative motives behind so much of what has occurred. I can see from others plights, that I am far from alone, in being a fair game target.

    The more sadly when there is a weak link seen, in the Blue Badge.   That is not what should be denoted by its ownership.

    On this issue, I have received so much support from Scope.  I will in the future, keep involved ,with this Community and, most certainly engage actively online, when I can.

    My thanks to All.

  • Chris_Alumni
    Chris_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 689 Pioneering
    Hi @unwiselady, I'm glad that you've found the community helpful and supportive, and hope that you continue to enjoy your time here. 

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