"I Have Asperger's: So What?" — Scope | Disability forum
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"I Have Asperger's: So What?"

A_Filmmaker_S Community member Posts: 7 Listener

I found this discussion board via the Scope chats on Facebook.

The title, is the name of a short Documentary I made that shares and explores my life story, living and coping with Asperger's Syndrome.

Here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGYK0Ph6DqI

I hope you enjoy, and find my experiences relatable, resonating or inspiring!



  • Alex
    Alex Posts: 1,305 Pioneering
    Thanks for sharing @A_Filmmaker_S, and welcome to the community.
  • Chris_Alumni
    Chris_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 689 Pioneering
    Thanks for sharing your film @A_Filmmaker_S, I hope that it is inspiring to others.
  • Anonymous123
    Anonymous123 Community member Posts: 27 Courageous
    Thanks for sharing, great video, I was really badly bullied at school too, but I'm not thankful.  I still hate them all 12 years on
  • joannarashelle
    joannarashelle Community member Posts: 135 Pioneering
    Hello @Anonymous123, try not to hate the bullies who tormented you, it's wasted energy. 

    Just be glad you're not like them, bullies are often sad inside, that's not an excuse for them by the way there is no excuse. 

    But bullies feel insecure themselves so pick on others to try to elevate their lack of self worth. 

    I was bullied at school and throughout my life, bullies come in many forms. 

    Rise above them and remember you're lucky you don't have their sad angry outlook 


  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 740 Listener
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  • joannarashelle
    joannarashelle Community member Posts: 135 Pioneering

    couldn't agree more!!

    Getting bogged down with hating them can chew us up inside!
    Hard to reach that point where we let go.. it took me years and years.. I tackled one of my school bullies and asked him what he gained from picking on me (amongst others), he looked pathetic and embarrassed and said sorry.. it didn't take away the pain and torment I suffered as a child and teenager but gave me an insight as to why bullies bully if that makes sense.

    It takes more effort to be nasty to people, when we're pleasant and compassionate with others we feel better with ourselves, and when we're happy we're nice to others.  

    So so it makes sense that bullies are obviously deeply unhappy inside. 

    I will always feel disgust for bullies but at least I know it's their problem not ours. 

    And it really is their problem

    Bullying has always been and always will be, unfortunately it's how some are. 

    But dont let them dull your sparkle xxx

  • bendigedig
    bendigedig Community member Posts: 254 Pioneering
    Hi John,

    I love Film and have always fantasised about creating a film of some sort.  I will probably never achieve this for various reasons but whatever.

    I thought that your short film "i have aspergers :so what" was a concise yet articulate and very honest representation of your lifes experiences in relation to your Aspergers.

    Its great to retrospectively analyse your life isnt it?  I think youve done a great job of that here.

    I hope that you continue to enjoy making films etc.  Keep at it mate..  Its surprising how unimportant your pasions can become when your life takes on greater and greater responsibilities.....  So explore and enjoy the film making as much as you can , cos you never know whats around the next corner!

    I wish you every sucess.  I hope that you are able to grow a carreer from your film making.  I see Channel 4 are quite good for being equal opportunity employers?  Or maybe you are destined to make movies?  Whatever the case keep enjoying it.

    I think the Caravan film could be a cult classic in the making......  Craft it John, dont rush it!   It could be brilliant :). Im sure that there are loads of talented young actors that could colaborate and help turn your story into a great drama.

    Thanks for sharing this work with us and for sharing so much of yourself too.  You deserve a bit of recognition for your hard work, keep it up!  
  • Anonymous123
    Anonymous123 Community member Posts: 27 Courageous
    @joannarashelle @DannyMoore Thanks I guess that is a good way of looking at it.  I'm still not thankful to have been bullied though, but I am thankful I'm not like them.
  • joannarashelle
    joannarashelle Community member Posts: 135 Pioneering
    You're welcome @Anonymous123!

    Took me ages to get closure in my head (longer for my soul!) regarding being bullied. And still struggle not to react, it's just a deep dislike I'll always feel for bullying in any shape, be it animals or people. 

    I work with troubled dogs who have quite often been bullied either from people or other dogs and I strive to boost their confidence, I don't tolerate or allow dogs to bully others when I'm working with them or if I'm out and about but believe me it's easier to forgive an animal, they work on instinct or what they've learnt and quite often the unbalanced behaviour has been learnt from humans in fact I'd go as far as saying the majority of the time. 

    It's takes a heck of a lot of strength not to rise to bullies, but you'll have peace in your soul if you remind yourself it's their problem not yours, it's something they lack in themselves that makes them bully.

    Because a balanced person doesn't bully, they are compassionate to others and like peace xxx
  • bendigedig
    bendigedig Community member Posts: 254 Pioneering

    ive been subject to some pretty severe institutional bullying in recent years..... Yeah bullies come in all shapes and sizes.  Some are really very nasty and have little sense of shame or conscience.  Sociopaths a lot of them.

    the worst ones are those that have positions of power.

    Sadly British society is constructed around bullying.  I think its because those that go the public schools and then end up running our countries think its normal to treat people in this way perhaps.

    its funny when people or establishments profess not to tollerate bullying and then become the worst perpetrators!  Actually it isnt funny at all.  We saw our 11 yr old son (Aspergers diagnosis, like me). Go though hell this last few years because of the bullying mentality of our community, its primary school and the people that run the place.
  • Anonymous123
    Anonymous123 Community member Posts: 27 Courageous
    @joannarashelle I love dogs, I have two, a black lab and a toy poodle.  They are both boys and very friendly with other dogs and people.
    Once I was walking to work and a small dog grabbed onto my leg with its teeth and wouldn't let go so I had to kick it off.  I felt so bad that I had to kick it that I cried, but it was either that or I have a bad injury.  It ripped a hole in my trousers! 
    It's owner gave it in trouble and whacked it too, which made me feel bad, but if it happened again I would report it, so since then I've seen it once again, but it had a muzzle on.
    Must be great to work with dogs though, I just love them.
    I would have a hundred of them if I could!

    @bendigedig sorry to hear about your son, I hope he finds relief soon.  At least he tells you about it.
    I never told anyone because I was embarrassed that I got bullied, so I had no one to try and help me.
    Now I wish I did tell my parents and maybe they could have tried to do something like you are.
  • bendigedig
    bendigedig Community member Posts: 254 Pioneering
    Im so sorry @Anonymous123.  It sounds like youve had some pretty tough times.
    these things can stay with us through adulthood too.  We can learn from our experiences though.  I think?  I like to think, at least I hope that I have.  I like to try and help others too because in solidarity those that are bullied can make a stand together :)

    I remember being punched in the face for no reason by a boy,  I was about 9 or 10 I ran crying to my dad.  I told him what had happened.  He was with some builders at the time building a fire place.   My poor dad didnt know where to put himself.....  He just blurted out "why didnt you hit him back"?   The thing was I just wasnt and never have been a violent person :(. Even if Id had it in me to fight back at the time I couldnt run after him, I was too fat!

    I could tell my dad felt a bit embarrassed by my running to him crying...  I actually felt sorry that Id embarrassed him!  

    Now, looking back he shouldve just given me a cuddle and gone and spoken to the other lads parents....  Somtimes telling people you are being bullied doesnt always work out well...  But I think its always the right thing to do.

    Not exposing bullying enables bullies to do it to other people.  They need to learn it isnt okay to bully.  Unfortunately lots of the people that run our society are terrible bullies...  There is very little accountability.  The police can be horrendous.  I dont want to single the police out but they are a very good example.

    Some bullies don't necersarrily punch people or even call them names... Although this is suprisingly comon!  A housing Association exectutive once threw a computer desk at me and then called the Police saying that I had done it to him!  The most successful bullies are those that do it "passively" hidden, beneath the radar.   Lots of this goes on in our society.  Like I say,  our society is built on it.  Im afraid the problem isnt going away.  In fact I think that its getting worse and worse
  • Anonymous123
    Anonymous123 Community member Posts: 27 Courageous
    @bendigedig  That's why I am glad I have a faith.  I believe the governments of this world are all controlled by Satan the devil, but one day God is going to step in and sort it all out and destroy Satan and all the wicked people.
    I know this is not what everyone believes, but it's what I believe and it gives me a hope that things will get better even though they seem too be getting worse.
    Yeah your Dad should have done that, but hindsight is a wonderful thing as they say!
    I am sure your Dad probably felt bad about it and wished he had handled it differently, he just wasn't prepared and also it's hard to confront people. 
    I dint agree with violence either because it can cause more trouble than it's worth.
    I remember watching something about a woman saying when she was ten she fought back when someone hit her, but she battered the person and the parents pressed charges, so if you fight back it can actually cause you more damage.
  • bendigedig
    bendigedig Community member Posts: 254 Pioneering
    edited March 2017
    yeah.... My dad.  Lol. Bless him.  Hes been passed away a while now.  He was a Excellent Dad really but he had a very difficult upbringing an as a consequence he wasnt very good with the softer side of parenting.  I have no complaints about him :)  I wish I had more or his qualities.

    As for god and the devil and all of that.  Well I dont know anything about whether all that is there or not..  I totally respect and also envy your faith.

    Its not that Im ignorant of the Christian Belief system and its Moral Teachings or indeed many other Belief Systems and their associated Moral teachings.  In fact, I once spent Six months teaching Religious and Moral Education in a Secondary School.

    I actually really interested in religious beliefs and faith and spirituality.

    I just dont have a religion.  Nor do I have a clearly defined sense of a God or supreme being.  Its not for want of consideration or of spiritual searching though.  Im afraid that I just find it difficult to accept that if a God was totally omnipotent that he/she would allow the pain, missery and extreme suffering that exists in our known universe?

    speaking of the known universe though.  Cosmology has some very convincing "evidence" of intelligent design doesnt it?

    when i consider the universe and just how small and insignificant we all are then a sense of calm and resignation comes over me. It confusing to be trpped in your own body and mind all your life knowing about the vast infinite expanse of the known universe!   Then theres the unknown Universe.  Lol.  What do we all know about anything really?   Not much at all given all that there is to know!

    Yes you are right though.  Violence solves nothing.  Yes, to fight back often creates more trouble than there was.   However as Edmund Burke said

    "All it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing"

    dont forget, Ghandi and Martin Luther King faught against the most powerful empire and the most powerful nation in the world, respectively and Defeated their oppressors.  they were non violence exponents werent they.

    Right enough as well didnt David slay Goliath with a pebble?  I suppose you could hardly criticise david for the pebble against such a massive well armed monsterous Oponent?

    some times its not only right to fight back in fact sometimes there  is no alternative or if there is an alternative then it is a terrible one that would make your life not worth living.

  • A_Filmmaker_S
    A_Filmmaker_S Community member Posts: 7 Listener
    Thankyou so much for the overwhelming positive response and feedback! Glad to see debate on here too.
  • bendigedig
    bendigedig Community member Posts: 254 Pioneering
    edited March 2017
    A Filmmaker S

    Good luck with your future projects :)
  • A_Filmmaker_S
    A_Filmmaker_S Community member Posts: 7 Listener
  • Kathy_Bramley
    Kathy_Bramley Community member Posts: 140 Pioneering
    Anyone  who tells me how to think especially in relation to my past automatically joined the ranks of well meaning but exquisitely frustrating people the painful experts and nonempathisers, those that weren't trying to wind me up but interposed all kinds of random alien philosophical urgency were just as bad, teachers and family,  and they don't back off except to abandon you with menaces, unlike the guy that apologized and then took me _being big about it_ as a signal to _revel_ nostalgically in the glory days like he was singing a Madness tune, ah, the affability, the lark of finding different ways to wind me up! At the time I wasn't best pleased, but I didn't say a lot. And actually my brother did apologise for how we were when we were kids, standing up for anybody else but me. I can kind of understand because I became village entertainment, muse, kickbucket, sump for any kind of social aggression, or big up or puzzle people needed to meditate on for their own benefit. I wasn't just there to be the lightening rod as my whole mission in life as I once thought but there was an unhappy fit where it made that kind of energy more likely to connect. My diagnosed son gets that as well, he seems to make being cartoonist villain and hero by turns work for him socially at least but it breaks my heart when it gets bad and don't know what to do, it's worse and similar with his relationship with his sister. I can't think a counsellor would even begin to understand. I found reflecting on and accepting negative emotion and traits quite difficult and still do. I went away and didn't ring my family the whole first term I was away at uni. :-/  Though we did communicate with letters, I think. Thirty nine now and not really had a successful job at anything. I failed uni and got married, still married. 
    Checkouts knocked my confidence, exhausted me.

    But the film is brilliant. Some similar and some different things. Glad your mum was very supporting, John. We've head big ups and downs and she was as supportive as she could be and was lots of good stuff besides. It's emotional to connect with that kind of engaging history, maybe I am jealous (working on trying to admit instances of jealousy) and I am conscious I don't want to drag down on it and be a bad audience. It was a positive story. 
    Autistic mother (they/them) not Autism Mom
  • Kathy_Bramley
    Kathy_Bramley Community member Posts: 140 Pioneering
    And skillfully produced. 
    Autistic mother (they/them) not Autism Mom


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