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Check out our new dating and sex tips

Chris_Alumni
Chris_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 689 Pioneering
With Valentine's Day upon us, we thought it a good time to revamp our dating and sex tips page, with fresh contributions from community members and from community sex and relationships expert Gill. 

Here's a taster:

"1. Don't be afraid to explore

'This doesn’t need to be with someone else, and is open to all kinds of interpretation.  Sexually, of course, it makes sense to be in tune with your body and your responses, physically as well as emotionally, and to know what works for you.  But when it comes to relationships and dating, the idea of exploring can sometimes get a bit overlooked.

"It can be really useful to actively think or talk about your wishes and hopes for how you want a relationship to be, or what you’re looking for in a partner.'" 

You can view all of our Dating and sex tips here.

Comments

  • mossycow
    mossycow Member Posts: 488 Pioneering
    Went to Ann Summer in Newcastle on a rare shopping trip without our daughter and thinking about this thread. Mainly just to break a stereo type but also for the shear fun of it, which lets face it, sex should be fun. And often as a disabled person with weird reactions to touch and chronic pain... It can sometimes be less fun than it should be. 

    I'd say it's taking my husband and me a good 5 years and still counting to get it back on track... 

    Interesting reading this article as it's difficult to write about. But I do think that sex education needs to be much more than penis and vaginas.... This article is  good start. 
  • HaroldMccudden999
    HaroldMccudden999 Member Posts: 2 Listener
    As a severely disabled person I am housebound, but it is nice to know that such advise is on hand, I think your articles are a good
    start. Thank you.
  • Judomandean
    Judomandean Member Posts: 49 Courageous
    edited October 2017
    Where we are disabled (and I am, I have CP) or abled bodied, most of us are sexual being and have sexual needs and desires. Do not feel awkward, ashamed or indeed embarrassed at have these feelings / needs. Sex is GOOD for the body and the mind and makes us relax afterwards. Be who you are, be you. ohAsk for what you want, good luck gang :). I give talks of disabled issues, being disabled and sports for disabled folk [email address removed].
  • disable_mable
    disable_mable Member Posts: 7 Listener
    sex is not good, you have to be able bodied :(
  • matty67
    matty67 Member Posts: 8 Connected
    It would be nice to get to know people with other disabilitys because as they say life is to short .im.mathew im 50yo single now for the last 9 year .feeling lost and empty with not a care in the would its life my life is bleeding away from me with nothing to look forwards to every morning .all i want is the company of a woman with the passion and love with the respect to as i will love and respect them the same way .
    Some morning i just dont want to get up as there is nothing to get up to anymore ..a life with out hope is an empty sole lost and confused and sad .
             Where is the love that we all speek of .its all gone to the rubish tip .
  • Pippa_Alumni
    Pippa_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 5,799 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @matty67, thank you for sharing this with us.

    It sounds like you're feeling really lonely. Here on the community there will be people to listen and chat to, but as we're not a dating service, you may like to check out some dating websites too. You may like to check out this past discussion where our other members share the dating sites they use, such as Meet Up and Plenty Of Fish. Hope this helps!
  • matty67
    matty67 Member Posts: 8 Connected
    Im on there and no one is interested in me im just brushed aside 
  • MKMale
    MKMale Member Posts: 24 Courageous
    I am starting to feel like I will be single for the rest of my life. As a single straight male with health issues, I feel like no one wants to consider a date with me. Even getting a reply from anyone is almost impossible..
  • matty67
    matty67 Member Posts: 8 Connected
    Make your profile like a painting exspress who you are and what you do .discride your self as a loving person say you like romantic walks along the beach hand in hand talk about your future even say about picnic on the beach to even a picnic in the park .if you like traveling tell them the one place you would like to take them tell them your dreams .tell them how beauriful.they are in your eyes .
    Never say anything negative 
  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 43 Listener
    My wife is disabled and meet her online. Got married a year after. Her health is getting worse but I still love her otherwise I wouldn't do things I do.
  • Mike25read
    Mike25read Member Posts: 4 Listener
  • feir
    feir Member Posts: 395 Pioneering
    I have concerns that i will injure my spine more during sex so a bit scared to experiment but have googled some positions to try and there is tips out there. I don't feel i need advice though and will just have to experiment anyway and see what works and what to avoid.

    Also both myself and my boyfriend are incontinent, there seems a taboo around this when it comes to sex? He has been for years and i have been for a year so we've both adjusted to it but still it's something nobody seems to have any advice about? I know sex is not only about the genitals but still because our toilet needs come from that area you'd think there'd be some advice or reassurance about it. Like i have times where i cannot tell i need the toilet (or even tell i've been) and he has that all the time and is not able to even go if he tries to as he has no control at all, we can use bed pads though so it's not too bad if anyone wees but i'm worried if he did poop while we are doing stuff that it'd freak me out and then make him feel bad when he has no reason to really and it is my problem. I feel bad for even mentioning this also but i like my new partner and am falling for him, i enjoy our relationship and feel we are very compatible and will be together in the long term, i want my partner to feel like i accept everything about him and don't want to make him feel bad about himself.

    I would like some advice on how not to make him feel ashamed if anything happens or how not to react badly to it in the first place would be ideal. He uses incontinence products and has toileted in them around me (which he was worried i'd react badly to) and as a carer this sort of thing doesn't bother me (nor cleaning it up) just i've never had this during sex. I also use incontinence products (mine would get in the way during sex though, his would not if we didn't fasten them up). I'd also like advice if anyone knows how to contain poo do that if we do have an accident it will make less mess? Maybe it won't even make that much mess and i am over thinking but from what i've seen so far he is quite messy, sorry if that's too explicit but i'd like the best advice for my situation as possible.

    Please only give nice replies or don't bother as i feel very sensitive about this and was scared to even ask publicly, thank you.


  • newborn
    newborn Member Posts: 724 Pioneering
    @Feir, 3 cheers for you.      Wish I could give info for you, but would like at least to say thanks for posting.   You are sure to have helped people, just by showing how frank you are.  Loads of people will either have nursed or cared for others with the same issue, or else have experienced it themselves.


  • feir
    feir Member Posts: 395 Pioneering
    newborn said:
    @Feir, 3 cheers for you.      Wish I could give info for you, but would like at least to say thanks for posting.   You are sure to have helped people, just by showing how frank you are.  Loads of people will either have nursed or cared for others with the same issue, or else have experienced it themselves.


    Thanks, i was concerned about asking but it turns out he has ED now anyway, oh well just another issue to overcome or deal with and appointments have been made.
  • Charliedick
    Charliedick Member Posts: 2 Listener
    I have got a slight learning disability. ow can I meet a woman similar to me
  • faithlew87
    faithlew87 Member Posts: 3 Listener
    edited October 2018
    I work with women with disabilities sexually and have worked with younger women for there first ever contact and it's all about the patience you both have together and creating that bond to make it comfortable. It's rewarding to know that the women is happy and comfortable as well as providing them with a service which they were too scared to venture or too shy because of their disability, I think there's many services out there but it's just finding the right one and also the right person. People should never judge you for your disability it's how you was born the many women I've met are amazing and to this day I'm still friends with some. There's always hope out there just don't ever give up.
  • Gordonmrln
    Gordonmrln Member Posts: 35 Courageous
    Why not try meeting people at clubs and other places of interest, I recently joined a Gun club because I like target shooting, but I've meet a lovely crowd of people, and the best thing is that by going to a club of your interest you already have something in common with others there and you can build on this, the more they get to know you the more you become a friend, and once you have a friendship set up things can take a change. But the point I'm making is that by getting out and joining a club makes you meet people instead of sitting at home behind a screen, and by the way I use a wheelchair as well and everyone is kind and helpful and I don't mean pity these are genuine people and we have a laugh, plus my shooting coach goes out of his way to help me and make sure I'm at ease with my shooting, only 2 weeks ago I entered my first competition in Elgin I was shooting on a Sunday as I shoot Rifle and he had shot on Saturday as he shoots Pistol, however he said that he would stay the Sunday to give me support and help if I need it, unfortunately his farther in-law was rushed into hospital so he had to leave, but he gave me some pointers before he left, and he also introduced me to someone who was there to help and they did help me, I had a great time met a whole load of new people and I was the only Disabled person there, I finished 2nd in my group which for my first competition was brill, my coach was chuffed as was I, So get yourself out and about it's the only way to meet friends. I lost my wife 2 years back we were married for 25 years the best 25 years of my existence and I will never stop loving her, no matter what happens even if I get into another relationship. We all need to feel wanted
  • newborn
    newborn Member Posts: 724 Pioneering
    So good to hear of your social life and sporting triumph! And how everyone has welcomed you, too. Thanks for posting 
  • julie7193
    julie7193 Member Posts: 1 Listener
    Hi all, I try to look at things in all directions. I have been single and with rubbish people and now in a relationship and recently diagnosed with hsp. I have had a few melt downs and my partner is supportive but also gives tough love.
    I wonder what would happen if I was single again as it’s hard enough able bodied but then I realised, those who see a disability as a barrier would not be the right people anyway. I am sure everyone wants to feel respected, appreciated and cared for. I have been attracted to disabled people, it would always boil down to personality so just be yourself, not try too hard. Everyone gets old , that’s when most disability happens, it just happens ours has come early and so look at what each person has to offer. Yes this is me on a positive day but whilst I am, lol , if your able, get out, try dating sites, but I’d go for more genuine ones where people are looking for a soul mate and not a millionaire or a quicky! Be your self and you will attract the right people, show people what you have to offer! A personality goes a very long way for the right person. There are people out there who like extra responsibility and thrive on helping, look for those and it could be a match made in heaven? Xx good luck xx
  • MKMale
    MKMale Member Posts: 24 Courageous
    I honestly don't know what else to try and I am starting to think that I will never have a chance to date again ket alone have a relationship.
    53 single man with health issues... I'm invisible and ignored
  • KAPTAINKRIP
    KAPTAINKRIP Member Posts: 4 Listener
    I'm single and hetroaged 55 disabled since i was 33 unable to gret out muchthere is nowhere in my town to meet othr disabled people
    i have never had sex as a disabled personliving in est kent they have scrapped my social worker i do have carers but life is very so,itaruy and female company rare all a bit solitary,not surprising when yiou can't meet people half way but it is very solitary
  • Pippa_Alumni
    Pippa_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 5,799 Disability Gamechanger
    I wonder if there's any guidance @PSHEexpert could offer here?
  • debbiedo49
    debbiedo49 Member Posts: 2,904 Disability Gamechanger
    I work with women with disabilities sexually and have worked with younger women for there first ever contact and it's all about the patience you both have together and creating that bond to make it comfortable. It's rewarding to know that the women is happy and comfortable as well as providing them with a service which they were too scared to venture or too shy because of their disability, I think there's many services out there but it's just finding the right one and also the right person. People should never judge you for your disability it's how you was born the many women I've met are amazing and to this day I'm still friends with some. There's always hope out there just don't ever give up.
    What do you mean you work with? Are you an escort?
  • debbiedo49
    debbiedo49 Member Posts: 2,904 Disability Gamechanger
    I feel with my health issues that I would be a burden to a partner and I don’t even try to meet anyone. I’ve been single for most of my life by choice but as I get older it is lonely. How do people overcome feeling like a burden?
  • helenzx6r
    helenzx6r Member Posts: 39 Connected
    Hello...
    I’ve been single 6 years and find dating very difficult.
    no1 is interested as soon as they know
    i have disabilities 
    ive tried numerous dating sites. Ow and totally give up 

    Im also scared of ever being intimate again with a man as it’s been a long time now and I now have painful disabilities to deal with.:( 
  • debbiedo49
    debbiedo49 Member Posts: 2,904 Disability Gamechanger
    I thinking disgusting that these so called free dating sites are not free and you have to subscribe to message. Plus you can't trust that the profiles are real as according to some well known documentary programmes on t v they make up profiles to scam people. So who can you trust? I will just foolishly wait for my knight in shining armour lol
  • Castiel
    Castiel Member Posts: 4 Listener
    There is a man in Norwich in the Gay pride website that's making Sex toys for disabled people, looks promising. 
  • Shannong4698
    Shannong4698 Member Posts: 5 Listener

    I am currently creating a campaign which fights for diverse representation and empowerment in sex for disabled people. If you are disabled, it would be great if you could take a minute or two to fill out this survey. It will really help my campaign, and don't worry - the results are anonymous!

    For those who do not have a disability, it would also really help me if you could share this link, or send it to a friend who might fill it in.

    https://www.surveymonkey.co.uk/r/SKGGGBW?fbclid=IwAR0nje2xZmZyUQOzr4sP_7OIuMpH4tjjz3d3Y1s1cFGWjvOcqF9qSDTIWck 

    Thanks!

  • pieeeter
    pieeeter Member Posts: 22 Listener
    What about have a dateing agency for poeple with learning disabilities there is not one in Brghtion and Hove what do others think about this 
  • pieeeter
    pieeeter Member Posts: 22 Listener
    I would really like to meet someone 
  • gaz1960
    gaz1960 Member Posts: 242 Pioneering
    We all want to meet someone! 

    Unfortunately, there does not seem to be a site that is suitable for anyone with any kind of medical or disability  
  • pieeeter
    pieeeter Member Posts: 22 Listener
    Why couldn't scope start a dateing agency that would be great 
  • gaz1960
    gaz1960 Member Posts: 242 Pioneering
    Unfortunately, scope is not a dating site! 
  • gaz1960
    gaz1960 Member Posts: 242 Pioneering
    Had hoped that they would allow/start a dating part of the site,but can understand why they dont,security and safety to all members! That's paramount! 
  • m_burrell82
    m_burrell82 Member Posts: 104 Pioneering
    There is risk in all parts of life. When you want to reach out to someone there is always all kinds of risk. Those who would put details on any dating service would have to take that Personal Responsibility* that they are choosing to take that risk. There is a risk people not finding someone, feeling so lonely, not being able to take it any more, except I would always say that whenever there is life, there is hope.

    On other parts of the Internet, I have chosen to put so much details of myself to so many people in so many places in the world. I haven't had any problems from that so far that I haven't been able to sort out.

    *Personal Responsibilty - One of the 7 Principals of Spiritualism, which we believe came through a Medium from The Other Side of Life.
  • wpshark
    wpshark Member Posts: 8 Connected
    What a pity that threads like this just get abandoned when there is a great need for them. I have been caring for my wife for 6 yrs now and without going into details, we cannot even share a bedroom let alone a bed. So , I find a huge lack of intimacy and touch  is really affecting me, Anyone else in a similar position?

  • pieeter
    pieeter Member Posts: 12 Listener
    Yes am single I would really like to meet someone 
  • pieeter
    pieeter Member Posts: 12 Listener
    I have a moderate learning dissabillty I would really like to meet a lady who is 49 years old and live in Brighton and Hove 
  • wpshark
    wpshark Member Posts: 8 Connected
    Good luck Old Chap. I really hope you find her

  • gaz1960
    gaz1960 Member Posts: 242 Pioneering
    Been on dating sites for 4 years,on and off,still not met anyone,not even been on a date yet. Got a few messages again this week, strange i only get messages near holiday times,and before lockdowns? And always  from Ladies half way across  the Country, so guessing not really interested, but looking for chat mates? And within a couple of messages, you can tell they are not actually interested in meeting! 

  • wpshark
    wpshark Member Posts: 8 Connected
    Most of the sites are scams. They have false profiles and pics and lead you on until you pay, then they are gone,

  • Cher_Inactive
    Cher_Inactive Posts: 4,414

    Scope community team

    edited December 2020
    @wpshark How is your relationship going with your wife?  I'm sorry the intimacy isn't as much as it once was.  On a thread we posted for Sexual Health Week 2020 earlier this year, we shared some websites that specialise in sex aids for disabled people.  Maybe if you take a look it could give you some ideas?  

    Also @gaz1960 and @pieeeter - have you had any luck on the dating scene?
    Online Community Co-ordinator

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  • gaz1960
    gaz1960 Member Posts: 242 Pioneering
    Cher_Scope said:
    @wpshark How is your relationship going with your wife?  I'm sorry the intimacy isn't as much as it once was.  On a thread we posted for Sexual Health Week 2020 earlier this year, we shared some websites that specialise in sex aids for disabled people.  Maybe if you take a look it could give you some ideas?  

    Also @gaz1960 and @pieeeter - have you had any luck on the dating scene?
    Still no luck. 
  • Cher_Inactive
    Cher_Inactive Posts: 4,414

    Scope community team

    @gaz1960 Ah that's a shame.  Have you been trying to meet anyone on any dating services?  Hopefully 2021 will be a better year, as 2020 hasn't been the easiest year for meeting new people.  
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  • gaz1960
    gaz1960 Member Posts: 242 Pioneering
    @gaz1960 Ah that's a shame.  Have you been trying to meet anyone on any dating services?  Hopefully 2021 will be a better year, as 2020 hasn't been the easiest year for meeting new people.  
    Profile is out there,but if no one looks at it,for whatever reason,then it's not going to make a difference. 
  • Cher_Inactive
    Cher_Inactive Posts: 4,414

    Scope community team

    @gaz1960 Try not to lose heart, although I can understand it being frustrating.  Which dating sites do you use?  Have you tried The Outsiders?  
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  • gaz1960
    gaz1960 Member Posts: 242 Pioneering
    I did look at the website of the Outsiders,but they only appear to meet and arrange things ,mostly down south, not in the Midlands areas. 
  • gaz1960
    gaz1960 Member Posts: 242 Pioneering
    Hhhmmmm.....


    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9082735/Lonely-widower-75-dine-Christmas-Day-rejecting-vegetarians-offer-company.html

    Just goes to show just what is happening, or how delicate online dating,or even as friends,,needed,or acceptable,to even trying to find someone can be,when even just food choices becomes a variable! 
    I,personally, can understand that,i dont eat what is generally classed as foreign food! Im old fashioned! 
    Good old fashioned English pub grub,Sunday lunch,fish and chips ! :) 
    But love a Domino pizza! :) 
  • Cher_Inactive
    Cher_Inactive Posts: 4,414

    Scope community team

     :D Oh me too, I could murder a chicken and mushroom deep pan right now!

    Have you chatted in our virtual coffee lounge before?  I think you'd fit right in because we natter about allsorts and play lots of games!  Although its not a dating club, you could make some new friends.  Give it a think :)

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  • gaz1960
    gaz1960 Member Posts: 242 Pioneering
     :D Oh me too, I could murder a chicken and mushroom deep pan right now!

    Have you chatted in our virtual coffee lounge before?  I think you'd fit right in because we natter about allsorts and play lots of games!  Although its not a dating club, you could make some new friends.  Give it a think :)

    Lol. :)  I love playing games ,that was always my main thing on any,and all forums! (17 years old going on 60+,well in mind only), lol. And yes,best way to make friends online! You  get to find out a persons personality, and sense of humor! And that can lead to friendship! Or more! Yeah right! :/ As if! :/

    I have never done  chatting In "lounges" on sites! Not exactly  "dating" ! 

    Prefer ham and  pineapple myself! ;)

    With wedges! ;) 

    And BBQ sauce! :)

    And i don't drink coffee! Virtual or real! Yuk! 





  • m_burrell82
    m_burrell82 Member Posts: 104 Pioneering
    Once in a pub in Hampton Court I was one of the three guys in the pubs version of Blind Date. I wasn't chosen though.
    That show on television where someone marries someone they hadn't even met. Yes, I'd go along with that, please tell the television people. I'd have to know that the lady was quite a bit younger than me though. 
  • m_burrell82
    m_burrell82 Member Posts: 104 Pioneering
    Then just remembering, that pub in Hampton Court, seem to remember it being over the road from the station. Another place the same side of the station, where they had DSS events. If only I had been on a site like this then- but it was well before the Internet. I would certainly have complained about this Security Guard, the way he treated me, saying about my speech. He totally messed me up with someone.
  • gaz1960
    gaz1960 Member Posts: 242 Pioneering
    Expert advice on dating apps? 

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-8856025/Youve-dating-WRONG-Experts-reveal-NOT-youre-trying-partner-app.html


    Obviously the "expert" needs to brush up on what's happening in the "real World " of dating apps for certain sections of the population ? 

    Just my opinion! 

  • m_burrell82
    m_burrell82 Member Posts: 104 Pioneering
    A site where its free to talk on tagged.com   Tonight I have been sending my details to so many ladies there. Like, I always give so many of my details out. That's my choice to risk it. I haven't ever had any really serious problems doing that. A lot of times they want me to go to a site to verify my details, but one thing I never do is put my card number anywhere. I absolutely insist on that. Not sure whether in this country there is a thing about that way of verifying yourself. I tell them that they just need to ring my carer to check on me, but that doesn't seem enough.
  • gaz1960
    gaz1960 Member Posts: 242 Pioneering
    Wow! A message on a dating site! 

    Im 60,she's 35! 

    Lol,as if! Same message ive been getting for ages,with the same grammer mistakes! Just different photos! Lol   :) Lol. :) 




  • Cher_Inactive
    Cher_Inactive Posts: 4,414

    Scope community team

    @gaz1960 Ah that's a shame!  Never-mind, the new year will bring with it more opportunities.  How are you getting on?
    Online Community Co-ordinator

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  • gaz1960
    gaz1960 Member Posts: 242 Pioneering
    Same scammer every time! Lol. :smiley:

    Im fine! Still alive, still breathing, that's always a good sign! :smile: 




  • Cher_Inactive
    Cher_Inactive Posts: 4,414

    Scope community team

    gaz1960 said:
    Same scammer every time! Lol. :smiley:

    Im fine! Still alive, still breathing, that's always a good sign! :smile: 

     :D Breathing is still a good sign.  How are you finding the lockdown?  If you need any company, you know where we all are so don't be afraid to get involved  :)
    Online Community Co-ordinator

    Want to tell us about your experience on the online community?  Talk to our chatbot and let us know.

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  • gaz1960
    gaz1960 Member Posts: 242 Pioneering
    Lockdown? What lockdown? I still have to go to work each day ,so nothing has really changed much. Apart from the snow ! 
  • gaz1960
    gaz1960 Member Posts: 242 Pioneering
    Just  cancelled/deleted all my  profiles on any and all dating  sites! 
    Waste of time actually trying! 
  • Marrybrown
    Marrybrown Member Posts: 12 Listener
    Your dating and sex tips look great! Thank you for this information! What do you think about dating apps? Can you write any information about online dating?
  • Marrybrown
    Marrybrown Member Posts: 12 Listener
    edited February 13
    I researched some articles and blogs and found this site about dating.
  • csno01
    csno01 Member Posts: 226 Pioneering
    I researched some articles and blogs and found this site about dating.
    Are any of these sites for disabled people? 

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