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Let's talk about sex!

rubberwheels Community member Posts: 1 Listener

I received an email from Sam.  Not sure if Sam is a woman or man.  The title was ‘Let’s talk about SEX!’    Yes, let’s do! This is my take.

I have Cerebral Palsy and am in my early 50s.  I'm a virgin! Not ever had penal or oral sex.  Whilst, it doesn't bother me anymore that I won't experience that joy (other views as I won't know) of oral or penal sex until I die, it used to.  Now, no doubt, all the 'do-gooders' will say 'You never know what's round the corner' and all that absolute rubbish.  Save it as I've heard it for forty odd years.  'Look meet someone special one day.' God, these people droon-on and never know when to stop.  I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me and have sex out of pity more than carnal want.  That fills me with absolute terror.  I don't want a woman, who has had a sexual life and when things goes a little pear-shaped, they'll pretend with me.  Find some other spastic to shag, to ease your conscience, as this one's not being a reciprocal for pity! If life's taught me anything then it's taught me that.


I don't want someone 'special' as I want lots of sex; casual sex, one-night stand (hell if anything stands I'll be pleased!), kinky sex, sex games/fantasies and everything else inbetween.  Meeting just for sex, wild passionate, spontaneous sex.  Unfortunately, that was never an option for me and now in my 50s it never will be.  All I can look forward to is good old patronisation and the 'how many figures am I holding up' mentality.  Or some stupid, head banging psychologist trying to make a name for himself (it is mostly men) wanting to understand why I feel like that.  Who say one thing, but do another.  Get a life you narcissistic, bombastic sadoes! Able-bodied aren't subjected to that psychoanalytical mumbo-jumbo rubbish so why should I?


I've replied to ads from women who say 'they are horny all the time,' 'can't get enough sex’ or 'want no-strings attached sex', but I don't look, or sound, the part, so am not the 'sex stud Mr Universe' they want.  All I get is them messaging me back and writing 'buzz words' so to keep me messaging and wasting money on 'top-ups.'  When I don't message for a couple of days, there's no message of concern over my well-being.  I'm sure no-strings attached sex happens from these sites, but I've never experienced anything or ever will. 


Now, I've resigned myself to a sex free life and vent my sexual frustrations by writing hardcore sex stories (Rubver Wheels) and publishing them on Amazon Kindle, though I haven't sold any but maybe people are reading them for free as I also agreed to.  The site women enjoyed them, snippets anyway, and would say nice things or when 'we're together', but don't really mean it or that would have happened.  Reading my stories, figment of my unexperienced imagination, is good and I hope it takes them to another place.  I am also quite academic, working for a high qualification.  I say that not to boost, goodness knows I'm not like that, but to illustrate that it doesn't matter how academic you are, it means nothing as sex is all I wanted.


It seems, to me anyway, that sex is acceptable to be spoken about, and acted upon, if you conform to societal 'normal' criteria, but not for 'people like me, as I was once told, or the others of the spectrum 'I don't care if you are disabled', but then run off with Mr Able-bodied.  Oh, please give me a break with that ideological nonsense! I want it too.

Society wants a nice, smiley, jovial, talkative type and that is exactly what they get.  So, when I read 'Lets talk about sex' or some other derivatives, regarding disabled and the sexual desires, I crinch.  Someone’s fulfilling their job criteria.  I went to a conference on disabled people and sex some twenty-five plus years ago, and things, from what I see, haven't changed.  As I recall, a list was drawn-up 'disabled have the right to sex' etc, by some head-banging nutcase, and remember thinking God this is like the book Animal Farm by George Orwell where 'all animals are equal, but some animals `are more equal than others.'


This is just my personal view and probably not held by many others.  My only hope from writing this is to maybe make people think.  I was involved with charities for over twenty-five years and don't want to be anymore.  When someone like me expresses themselves in a certain way, they are clawed-in by the 'do-gooders' of an organisation by using buzz words to encourage and flatter one's ego.  I've seen how these people work and thank goodness I'm out of all that stuff.   I study, enjoy life and like living on my own.  



  • Sam_Alumni
    Sam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,665 Disability Gamechanger
    edited March 2017
    Hi @rubberwheels welcome to the community! 

    I am Sam and I look after the community with the rest of the community team, I also send out the newsletters and I am a woman, so hi!!

    Thanks for your very open and honest post, we are happy to discuss all aspects of life and sex and relationships are as relevent to disabled people as anyone else yet often, it is seen as a taboo.

    We have some great sex and relationship tips you can look at here, if you have a specific question you can ask our Sex and Relationships advisor @PSHEexpert
    Senior online community officer
  • Markmywords
    Markmywords Community member Posts: 419 Pioneering
    edited February 2017
    I see your point @rubberwheels

    I am often reminded of the film Monty Python's Life of Brian. In it a group wants to fight for "Stan's" right to have babies even though he can't have babies.

    As for dating sites, Google any of them and you will find hundreds of reports about automated responses, staff pretending to be patrons and fake profiles. Even worse is that there are people who have a fetish for the disabled as you alluded to. That is just nauseating.
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