Relationships

andyj

Is it true that if one is disabled one has to be alone for life?

Sam_Alumni

Hi @andyj I don't think this is true at all, I think that there is someone for everyone, its just about finding the right person.

Do you want to tell us a bit more about yourself? Why do you think that disabled people would be alone for life? 

andyj

If you are disabled no one wants the responsibility of you no one will take the chance that looking after a disabled person isn't a lifetime commitment even though your disability isn't showing your not in a chair or need constant care you mention disability to anyone that is a dating possibility and they automatically think bed pans adult nappies or running around doing things for them.as soon as I mentioned I was disabled to a 40 year of freindship friend of mine she started pulling away and making excuses not to be around me then didn't talk to me any more and since then dating has been a nightmare even when I explain things there is an uncomfortable air so I've given up 

Sam_Alumni

Im really sorry you have had that experience Andy, I think there are people who may not want a relationship with a disabled person but I don't think everyone is like that.

It must be really tough to have friends pull away from you, when I became disabled after years of chronic illness I definitely did find some people drifted away, I think they were ignorant of what disability means and perhaps were embarrassed by it?

Others have talked about their experience of dating on the community and their difficulties so you arent alone in these issues, but I do think that there are also lots of good people in the world who can look past age, gender, colour, religion or disability and see the person. 

Have you tried joining social clubs to meet friends? Dating sites can be a minefield for everyone but maybe just trying to meet friends and have a good time would be beneficial?  I saw recently that some dating sites have started doing cookery, craft or other classes to enable people to meet in a less awkward environment.

Hollands_106_2717_

Hi Andy you are so right it seems people dont want  the problem as they think its a problem i have some male friends in the same position as you.
Try and find some one who has health problems and you will have something in common and a base to build a future on dont give up people are not all the same.

Good luck xx

andyj

Thank you all but I'm done putting  myself in those positions i can't take the rejection anymore  I've done all I'm prepared to do sacrificed all I'm prepared to sacrifice I'll just stick to texting that way I can't be judged on looks age or demenure it's easier that way

bendigedig

@andyj

Im not sure what your "diasability is".   Not that it matters really.

Rejection is bloody hard.  Especially when you are giving a lot of yourself to a situation or an endeavour.

Ive been through it, as have many of us.  Its always a very personal thing though.  Nobody quite gets the suffering like the person going through it.  No ammount of empathy from others makes it any easier to get through.  

Im married so dating is not a problem I face although I dare say that dating my wife again would solve a lot of the problems we encounter within our married relationship!  The rejection Im having to cope with relates to employment

What ever your circumstances,  putting yourself out there and competing for a mate takes balls!  Many arent even getting as far as you are mate!  Some blokes are still stuck in the stalls!

Okay you've had some bad experiences...  Im so used to down I dont know which way is up these days so I hear where your comming from.

"Don't let it get to you mate". I know its easier said than done but Im afraid those words, a cliche though they are have far more meaning in them than we often care to explore.

It takes a bit of delving to put yourself out there in the dating game, particularly if you know people might percieve your disability as an "issue".   

If you aproach the matter with cold logic though...... You have to be in the race to win it......  You have to have your line in the water to catch a fish.

Im spouting all of this as Im comming out of a train wreck that has been my life since 2009.  Hmm thats 7 yrs now?  Wow.  No wonder my wife has been at her witts end with me. 

We all have this inherrant wisdom.... We all know what we should do and how we should feel.  Its just almost impossibly difficult when the emotional odds are stacked against us.

Keep looking for he chinks of light.  

Maybe its time to give the dating game a rest for a while?  Dont switch off your radar though....  There are other ways of finding companionship and a potential mate /partner.

if you kind of know society is a bit ****, (which it is). And you feel the odds are stacked against you, (join the club) then just look at meeting a potential mate/partner as a dice rolling exercise.  I honestly think that it is that random!

its tough rolling a double six but its a certainty that it will eventually happen.  Just keep rolling the dice?

if dice isnt your game try another?  Move from dating to groups and clubs, as Sam suggested?  loads of men and women do this to find companionship that often leads to intimacy.  I used to teach a night class where some of the group were only there to meet members of the oposite sex.

Dont let it get on top of you... too many good people like yourself throw in thier towel before the bell rings !  You dont know whats around the next corner until you have a look:)  Let us know how you get on eh?  Good luck

you dont have any friendly advice on how to get work do you?

andyj

Thank you thst helps alot

laila

Hi @andyj, I lived the same situation when I first started to look for a partner online. I was confused to talk about my diability but when I joined groups ,I didn t need talk about my condition because the others could see it. I think we just need to be confident and wait for the opportunity to occur. It s good to develop some good qualities that give you value within a group. 
   I ve by the way developed a talent of singing then I learned how to play an instrument of music. Now I m welcome among my groups. Good luck.