Fibromyalgia

Catman

Hi folks. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia back in October 2015 and the condition is getting worse. With minutes of waking up, my body keeps it's daily promise as chronic pain releases it's predictable torment. I'm a Dad, Step Dad, Partner and victim of domestic violence. It's been quite a journey to say the least.

I'm still with my partner, have forgiven her but struggle with the aftermath of her violence towards me. This violence took me to A&E, I have some permanent scars, mentally and physically and it saw the boys being taken into care. My partner is an Alcoholic who is bravely facing her demons now and getting help for them. She still drinks however but there have been no physical violence for the last two weeks. When she drinks though, my guard still comes up and I become anxious. I don't know what keeps me on this path other than my undying love for her and the boys. It's a struggle though and a struggle that is compounded by my health condition. 

Are any of you in a similiar place in life? What keeps you going and how do you deal with it? There are times that I awake and simply want to crawl into a ball and shut the world out. Evenings cannot come soon enough when at least I get some sense of relief when I have my cannibis cigarette. All that are involved in my Fibromyalgia treatment are accepting of my 'vice', though sadly I feel a sense of shame of having to do something that I used to frown upon and is very much frowned upon by society in general. I know no other way however of dealing with the torment of pain and fatigue. 

Any views or comments are mostly welcomed. 

jose2

Hello @Catman,just saw your post this evening ,if she is getting help for her problems! ,have you thought about getting help for yourself too,just as a suggestion!, you attending an Alanon group in your area.I found that being mentally and physically abused does not help a Fibromyalgia sufferer,give yourself  a little care and loving .
@jose2

Catman

Thanks Jose.. She blew up again tonight after drinking a lot of wine. She was stressed out after she got off the phone to her Mum. On March 22 this year she bit a chunk out of my nose and fractured my right thumb. I got help through Survive and it went to MARAC, but I refused to press charges or give access to my medical records for that night. I eventually had her back home. I love her to bits but know what she is capable of. It scares me tbh. She was less physical tonight and she's a different person when sober.. I really don't know however, how much more I can take. I'm a gentle, tattooed giant of a man and can handle myself but conversely I'm as soft as they come when it comes to women. 

jose2

Hello @Catman,as I was told on many occasions 'your only as sick as the secrets you keep','do I thrive on like chaos?','do I want help?',or do you want to live in this insanity ? 'am I trying to fix something which is unfixable',do I like been an enabler?','did I want a happier life?.If you like been in this situation ignore the sites and numbers I'm sending to you -   www.al-anonuk.org.uk(helpline 02074030888),and as the one who drinks, the person they are living with will only get help when you are ready (you see ,you have to be ready!).
or XA Speakers.org -the lights are on ax speakers or Alcoholics Anonymous (helpline 08009177650)on this site scroll down to Al-Anon Family Group Speakers.
All care for now

jax55

Hello@Catman I think some time apart where you can both access help would benefit you both. My fibro goes off the scale when I'm stressed so I don't know how you can go on in this way. Please consider. Hugs

Catman

Thanks Jax. She's having a community detox starting Monday. Today I had to be honest to Social Services about the bruised eye and next week I face more questioning about her abuse towards me. It only ever happens when she's been drinking and under stress, but lately it's been a lot.

Catman

Sam_Alumni

Oh @Catman I am sorry you are going through this, I know you have said that you want to support your partner but you do need to think about yourself first,  It must have been hard to be honest with social services about the violence, but it is so important to do that. 

Please do think of your own safety

Catman

Sadly it's continuing and I don't know which way to turn. Things are real complicated now as I've moved in with her at her Mum's place on Isle of Sheppey in Kent. We travel down to Bristol once a week and stay in a b&b in Weston S Mare. Another incident occurred last night due to her drinking and I just don't know what to do as due to selling my home, I'm pretty much homeless now. I just want a peaceful happy life.. Feeling so low right now. 

Alex

Hi @Catman, 

So sorry to hear that things are continuing. Have you tired the Men's advice line? They have a phone line, email address and web chat.

There's also an info PDF on their site which has some info about things like housing and finance.

I really hope you can find the support you need and that things improve.

Lynne53

Speaking from the other side as it were, and from the heart I am still an  alcoholic although it's going on 14 years since I had a drink my advice is that if she is still drinking you are still unsafe.  I am so sorry I would love to say everything is ok but, although I wasn't violent even I didn't know what I was  going to do next. This is a post I never thought I would have the courage to write but I am really concerned for your safety.

Catman

Thanks Alex, yes I've tried the Mens Advice line before and have had a DV support worker, through Next Link and Survive. My problem is I need to be able to talk freely to somebody who will keep what I tell them to themselves, as I don't want to land my partner in trouble as she's on a 13 wk Suspended Prison Sentence. If she assaults me again, she's back inside. 

And thanks Lynne.. I'm also a recovering Alcoholic myself and perhaps that's why I've been so protective of my partner, as I truly know the hell of the disease. In 2005 I shamefully served 5 weeks in Prison out of a four month sentence for assaulting a computer repair man who'd ripped me off. I was battling my own demons at the time and snapped. I quit drinking the following year. I've relapsed a few times since but am prone to Oesophageal bleeds and have landed in Hospital, hence I now maintain my sobriety. 

It's ironic that I'm now classed as vulnerable by the Police and other agencies. Thank-you so much Lynne for finding the Courage to reply to my post.