Disable people Socialising and. intimacy — Scope | Disability forum
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Disable people Socialising and. intimacy

Nauman Member Posts: 5 Listener
is there any opportunity available for disable people to meet new people have friendship and relationships.i find there is very limited scope if one has disability.


  • Sam_Alumni
    Sam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,682 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Nauman welcome to the community.

    This is a topic that comes up quite often, there are some dating agencies that specialise in connecting disabled people, but I wouldnt be able to recommend any of those.

    Do you attend social events or have any hobbies where you can meet others? 

    Meetup is a great site to let you know about local groups to you.
    Senior online community officer
  • Nauman
    Nauman Member Posts: 5 Listener
    It's not easy specially where people don't understand 
  • Markmywords
    Markmywords Member Posts: 419 Pioneering
    You are absolutely right @Nauman .

    The sad truth is that non-disabled people and social groups don't much want to make themselves accessible to the disabled.

    I'd rather not have disabled-only social outlets but that would be better than nothing. Unfortunately even they don't exist.

    Every last one of the relationships websites have been accused of dishonesty to varying degrees.
  • RSW665
    RSW665 Member Posts: 14 Listener
    I won't spend to long here as I've already started a discussion about this, a I have Cerebral palsy and I'm a wheelchair user. I'm good looking and a number of women have found me attractive in the past, they have invited me to dinner and then retracted their offer, my disability always seems to make any relationship a non-starter. I have had a couple of girlfriends in the past but I feel like I'm battling this problem alone(I know deep down I'm not) I would like a chat with somebody on here if possible. Please read the discussion I posted for more detail. Thank You Richard
  • Markmywords
    Markmywords Member Posts: 419 Pioneering
    "Welcomes and Introductions" isn't a good place to start such a discussion @RSW665 .

    Life, work and personal relationships are all competitive. Survival of the fittest still applies.

    Most non-disabled people see no reason to choose a disabled person for anything while they can just as easily choose a non-disabled one.

    Win the lottery though and all bets are off :/
  • Sam_Alumni
    Sam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,682 Disability Gamechanger
    I moved your post @RSW665 so more people will see it.

    I think disability just isn't shown as part of relationships as we grow up, often disabled people are seen as patients or as someone you have to care for rather than just another human being and that gives people preconceptions about a relationship with a disabled person, which of course are unrealistic!

    But not all people think like that, there are nice people out there! 
    Senior online community officer
  • Markmywords
    Markmywords Member Posts: 419 Pioneering
    Well said, @Sam_Scope .

    Society needs to understand and spread that understanding from a very young age.

    No other species varies as much in appearance, intelligence and physical abilities as humans. That is just the natural spectrum of it.

    The disabled need to be accepted as part of the one single spectrum of humanity.
  • Topkitten
    Topkitten Member Posts: 1,285 Pioneering
    Personally I have found that the use of a wheelchair frightens off almost every healthy woman I have contacted through dating agency's. The only places I have had any real interest were in special groups or centres. The volunteers at the disability centre actively encouraged match ups between reasonably suited disabled people (including CP and MS sufferers). The other interest I engendered was at a couple of mental health groups I attended. In the end however I decided against the idea because I could never get them to understand how serious my condition is and how there is no hope of even maintaining my current level of mobility.

    I have lived alone for 12 years now and will continue to do so.

    I don't know if this is the appropriate place for this comment so I have put it separate from the rest so it can be deleted if necessary........ there is a fairly safe site I have resorted to for female company but it's for escorts and even some of those would not see me when I displayed a picture of me in a wheelchair.

    "I'm on the wrong side of heaven and the righteous side of hell" - from Wrong side of heaven by Five Finger Death Punch.
  • Markmywords
    Markmywords Member Posts: 419 Pioneering
    Actually @Topkitten I think it's a subject that should be discussed and without fear of condemnation, discreetly of course.
  • iza
    iza Member Posts: 488 Pioneering
    edited July 2017
    Hi All, 

    I do understand that disability needs to be understood by others and people need to integrate but there is lack of chance for  healthy people meet disable (as long as you to not work in organisation together). Most disable people are isolated, children are forced to leave schools and be partly educated at homes. 
    If you do not integrate or there is  lack of chance for integration than how healthy people should know of number of people leaving with disability?! 
    During my 13 years work experience in London's companies there was not even single opportunities to meet disable person. All the stories I know are from Social Media or books I read. 

    There is no Integration Festival Happening to join healthy and disable together (perhaps if they are than they are organised by little charities to support specific medical condition only). But in the big scale I never heard of any in London. 

    If it comes to dating sites I hardly believe that even 2 healthy people can fall in love these days by having profiles on dating site. Apart the fact 3 of my female  friends got married with men met over the chat on dating sites but it was over 8 years ago.  
    What was the most important few years ago people talked to each other first before they exchange photo or met. 
    Today people look on dating site for visual attraction first not even thinking that photos not always show the personal beauty as some people are less photogenic than others. 

    Hard to discuss on the topic more. 

    I can say only that I never before met anyone on the wheelchair until my mum had to use it herself due to paralysis after stroke. 


  • PSHEexpert
    PSHEexpert Member Posts: 170 Pioneering
    Hello all, and apologies for being late to the discussion - I have been away.  

    First of all I'd second what Sam says about Meetup - I do think that socialising without the pressure of matching up with someone can be much more conducive to making a proper connection with someone as you hopefully get to meet over some common ground.  It is challenging though - I don't pretend for a moment that there is a solid solution, because there's not!  The thing is though, I don't think it exists for anyone really, and it's worth keeping that in mind.

    With regards online dating and so on - you're right, there's a gap.  It's been discussed at length at SHADA (the sexual health and disability alliance) recently, and everyone there was really in agreement that there's not a lot out there.  There is Outsiders (http://www.outsiders.org.uk/ ) - I don't know if you've heard of them - they're good but it can be a bit hit and miss depending where you're located, as of course there are pockets of people dotted here and there.  However, that's a group that's run for and by disabled people, and I appreciate that that's not what everyone's looking for.  

    Regarding the topic that @Markmywords and @Topkitten were introducing above - that of engaging professional sexual services - I think it's really each to there own. There is a website out there - TLC Trust - where there are individuals who facilitate intimate services and who specialise in working with people with disabilities, but it's a very individual choice and certainly not for everyone.  

    - Gill 


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