Let's have a laugh - it's Tell a Joke Day!

Liam_Alumni
Liam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 1,087 Empowering
edited August 2017 in Coffee lounge
Today, the 16th August, is Tell a Joke Day, so of course we want to hear your cheesiest jokes! Whether it's a classic Knock Knock joke or something from last year's Christmas cracker, let's have some fun!

Here's a couple of my favourites:

Two elephants and a tamborine fall out of a plane... Ba dum tiss!

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? TEN-tickles!

What did the duck say to the bartender? Put it on my bill!

Hopefully yours are better than mine! What's your favourite joke?

Comments

  • Blue Frog
    Blue Frog Online Community Member Posts: 352 Empowering
    What did the Zero say to the Eight? Nice Belt
  • Liam_Alumni
    Liam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 1,087 Empowering
    Hahaha, love that one, @Blue Frog! It reminds me of another number-related joke:

    Why was the number 6 screaming? Because 7-8-9!
  • Sam_Alumni
    Sam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,602 Championing
    I bought my friend an elephant for his room.
    He said "thanks!"
    I said "Don't mention it"  :D
  • Sam_Alumni
    Sam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,602 Championing
    What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

    A carrot...
  • Liam_Alumni
    Liam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 1,087 Empowering
    These are so bad, they're good, @Sam_Scope!  :D
  • Sam_Alumni
    Sam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,602 Championing
    edited August 2017
    What do you call a dog that does magic tricks?

    A labracadabrador
  • Liam_Alumni
    Liam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 1,087 Empowering
    Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?
    She kept running away from the ball.
  • Geoark
    Geoark Online Community Member Posts: 1,464 Championing
    How do you knit a dalek?

    knit eight
    pearl eight
    Exterminate
  • Geoark
    Geoark Online Community Member Posts: 1,464 Championing
    A man walks into a bar and said OUCH
  • wheelydad
    wheelydad Online Community Member Posts: 9 Listener
    Shakespeare walked into a pub, and the manager said"you'r bard"
  • wheelydad
    wheelydad Online Community Member Posts: 9 Listener
    If you cross a sheep with a kangaroo, you get a wooly jumper.
  • Liam_Alumni
    Liam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 1,087 Empowering
    Hahaha, thanks for sharing, @wheelydad - love the Shakespeare joke!
  • Liam_Alumni
    Liam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 1,087 Empowering
    Ah, nothing like a good Doctor Who joke, @Geoark - and the 'walks into a bar' one is one of my personal favourites!
  • wheelydad
    wheelydad Online Community Member Posts: 9 Listener
    Elderly man carrying 2"x1" length of timber, to make his wife a clothes prop.
    Young boy (about 9) says "are you a pole vaulter?
    Man replied " no sonny, I  am German, but how did you know my name was Valter?"
  • Geoark
    Geoark Online Community Member Posts: 1,464 Championing

    When my daughter was younger she went to her mum, who was in the kitchen and asked what periods were. Thinking it was something she heard at school my wife began to explain it as best she could for a young child.

    As she was explaining my daughter became more and more distressed and started to cry. Realising something was wrong my wife stopped and asked her where she had heard the word 'period'.

    The man on the telly said we are going to have sunny periods tomorrow.

  • MandyFox
    MandyFox Online Community Member Posts: 8 Listener
    Lol, really made me chuckle today xxx :) 
  • Geoark
    Geoark Online Community Member Posts: 1,464 Championing
    Not really a joke, but life can be funny to.

    I have some nerve damage in my arms and on odd occasions when lifting something, including a cup, my arm will start to shake violently.

    Shortly after starting at my current work location I was filling up a cup with hot water, which involved holding the cup up. My arm suddenly jerked and I tipped a cup of hot coffee down myself. The health and safety officer did a risk assessment and decided I was not allowed to make myself a hot drink any more.

    More recently I missed the bottom two steps on the stairs and took a sizeable chunk of skin off a knuckle when it smacked into a brick wall. My colleagues could not understand why I would not report it, and in the end my manager took me into a private office to ask why I would not report it. 

    I explained what happened with the coffee and she still did not get the connection. So I explained that I had no intention spending an hour, or a morning with the health and safety officer learning how to use stairs.
  • Geoark
    Geoark Online Community Member Posts: 1,464 Championing
    What's the best thing about living in Switzerland?

    I don't know but the flag is a big plus.

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