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Results 1 to 3 of 3 Thread: Cutting ties with a family member, how?

AuraTodd1 Member Posts: 6 Listener
I hope this is the right forum, if not please move to the correct one. Thanks.

I hope you didn’t mind me posting this but I would like some advice as what direction to go in please? I’m sorry this is a bit long winded but I would like to know what the best option is please?

I’m going to call my cousin X (for obvious reasons)

Cousin X lives up north and has a sister who has adopted my son, he was taken away from me because of my learning difficulty and disability. I see my son at Christmas and during the summer holidays when I come up to visit my aunt who is the mother of both my cousins.

Cousin X (her son) is the one I am having problems with. He says nasty comments to me which is under the belt sometimes, and also mutters sarcastic comments under his breath thinking I cant hear (when I do, if he knows he doesn’t care anyway). He’s a loner and hasn’t many friends, the one best friend who did stand by him, (and who defended him at school when everyone else was bullying him) he drove away through his immature behaviour and won’t have anything to do with him any more. My cousin done some bad things to him in the past like ruin his 18th birthday party by mixing drinks then being sick in front of all the guests’.

Also My cousins sister’s husband doesn’t like cousin X which he can’t understand because he’s says he’s never done any harm to him, I could give him a List! Lets start off with ‘mouth into action before brain in gear etc...

Her husband doesn’t like him in their house, and won’t talk to him when he is around. Once he said cousin X couldn’t come into the house one afternoon when my aunt had to pick up a book, so she said she wouldn’t come in either which didn’t help the situation.

I have Aspbergers and Scholiocis and sometimes it’s hard to deal with cousin X when he starts making ‘digs’ as I call them. I’ve always ignored him but it’s now getting to the point where as he’s getting older (50yrs) it’s getting worse. I was in a violent relationship (with my sons father) which didn’t help and having to listen to my cousin X’s jibes didn’t help. I’ve never had one bit of encouragement from him. His sister doesn’t help, she defends him to the hilt and that is possibly putting a strain on her marriage, to be honest (being brother and sister) their both very negative. My Uncle (their dad) was the same but not to the level cousin X has taken it.

He’s in a long distance relationship, she’s a really nice lady but doesn’t really know what it’s like to be with him full time. Every woman he’s been with in the past has dumped him after a time because he likes to control people and is too bossy for his own good. They keep saying they want to live together which isn’t really going to work for two reasons. She works over there and the state the UK is in at the moment it isn’t the best idea; also he would probably drive here away with his possessiveness anyway.

The last straw was last week when I visited my son during the school holidays. My aunt was getting tea ready and cousin X said to me, that there was a film right up my street called dumber and dumber. My dad didn’t hear because he’s deaf, so I said there is one called thicker and thicker suited to him. I probably shouldn’t have retaliated and just ignored him but he got very moody with me and sarky and started shouting at me in front of everyone even through I was only two foot away! My aunt later said he has a temper, and I said yes but he doesn’t know how to control it does he.

He also seems to get jealous of other people which I ignore, and is very racist referring to Indian people as Packie’s, don’t even mention gays (he hates them too).

I think it’s time I cut ties with cousin X, but I feel trapped in a way because his sister has my son who is 14yrs and I don’t want to lose contact with him. I have been told he is not my child any more and only his biological mum (makes me sound like a washing powder).

No good me writing him a letter as cousin X doesn’t take a blind bit of notice of anyone, his silly sister is the only one who will stand by him (apart from his mammy).

What’s the best way to cut the ties?


  • steve51
    steve51 Member Posts: 7,153 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @AuraTodd1

    A very very big welcome to you to our online community.

    I'm so sorry that I haven't got to your post sooner !!!

    Please except my humble apologies!!!

    The best thing that I can say to do is contact our helpline,

    0808 800 3333.

    I hope that this is ok ????

  • CockneyRebel
    CockneyRebel Member Posts: 5,212 Disability Gamechanger
    I agree with Steve, ring the help line.

    Obviosly you do not want to lose contact with your son but why does your cousin X have to be involved ?
    Can you talk to your cousin who has your son  and your aunt and arrange to see your son without cousin X being around ?
    You should also talk to your son. At the age of 14, your son is probably aware of the difficulties that you are having with cousin X and you should be the one to explain it to him.
    It is always sad when familly members don't get on, but like with any other relationship, if you cannot overcome the difficulties then for your own sake you need to make a break. Toxic relationships are no good to any of the parties involved, try to focus your attention on your good relationships and away from the details of your cousins life, it is none of your business,

    Be all you can be, make  every day count. Namaste
  • Sam_Alumni
    Sam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,673 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @AuraTodd1 how are you doing?
    Senior online community officer


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