Im a parent - I don't know how to keep things going

karinm

I am a parent of of a 14 year old daughter with autism , social anxiety, depression and DPD.
Although high functioning she is desperately lonely.  My 17 year old daughter suffers OCD . 
I feel so run down that I don't know how to keep things going.

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steve51

Hi @karinm

It's great to meet you this mourning I do hope thar we can help support you ?????

We have got alot off info\support on our home page

Please please let me know if I can help you further ??

Geoark

Hello @karinm and welcome to the community.

While it is right to be focussed on the needs of our children I do not subscribe to the belief that children should always come first. There are times when putting the needs of the parent/s first, in the long term, has a more positive effect for children. Your post sounds like you have reached this point, or fast approaching it.

First of all have you spoken to your doctor? It is easy as a parent to be focussed about your children's mental and physical health and ignore your own. If you haven't I would recommend asking for a double appointment. This would give you time to talk to your doctor, rather than just going in, giving your symptoms and getting some pills which may or may not be right for you.

Second, similar to the first, are you eating properly and getting exercise, if physically able to?  These can make a huge difference. As can getting a good night sleep.

That aside:

We often focus our identity on being a parent, however in  your circumstances you are also their carer, another role which in itself can be draining physically and mentally. It can also give you extra support and help, contact Carers UK https://www.carersuk.org who can advise you what you might be entitled to, or a local support group.

Parents in your situation often become isolated, if this is the case is there an old friend or some one you can meet up with, either regularly or occasionally for a cup of coffee, evening out etc where your children are not the focus? I would also recommend you find ways to create you time. This can be an evening when you do something you want to do and enjoy. It could be treating yourself to something special, studying something new, restarting an old or new hobby, or something else entirely as long as it is something you enjoy and helps you to relax.

This is not about about being selfish, it is about recognising your own individuality and needs. It is also about building your own resilience which will help you to cope with things better.

elisewolv

 I once felt like that.  A neighbour - some old guy -  who noticed me in the street said to me ' one day a rainbow will shine for you'. I  thought, yeah, right.
But he was right - it did - and it will for you too. Just believe it.

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