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Caring.

Geoffvernau_
Geoffvernau_ Member Posts: 13 Connected
Hi people, this is my first time on here. Forgive me if i am very blunt but thats the way i am and mean no offence. I care for two adults, my wife and daughter. My wife has chronic fatigue and mental health problems and my daughter has inherited her problems plus epilepsy(which inherited from me). My wife is very aggressive due to pain and abuse as child(emotional from her mother). My daughter keeps trying to kill herself with overdoses and has many physical problems weak hips etc, turned down for esa, then missed the appeal date due to mental health problems. Me, as mentioned have epilepsy which causes cluster headaches. Trapped nerves in my back which hurt like hell and numbness in my leg. Point is no one seems to care a dam as long as some one is looking after it thats all that matters. Point of my rant i'm 57 and cant cope anymore. I dont want to be anywhere just gone, not talking suicide just gone.  I am at my wits end, in pain and just cant take anymore. I should apply for pip for my daughter but if i am honest i cant be bothered with the hassle, after going through it with my wife. Sorry for the rant. Hope alls good elsewhere.XX

Comments

  • CockneyRebel
    CockneyRebel Member Posts: 5,217 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi Geoff and welcome

    So sorry you are having a hard time, Please come and have a rant anytime you want. :)
    I have known the feeling of "just wanting to be gone", but each day I start anew. Have you talked to your GP about your pain and the problems with your wife and daughter ?

    When was your daughter turned down for ESA ? It is possible to make a late appeal and take  it to an independant tribunal.
    It does sound as though you should apply for PIP for your daughter, I know it can be a lot of hassle and stress. For me I found that helping others with claiming  gave me a sense of purpose.

    If thereis any help we can give you, even just an ear to rant into please let us know

    CR 
     
    Be all you can be, make  every day count. Namaste
  • Sam_Alumni
    Sam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,682 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Geoffvernau_
    Welcome to the community, Im so sorry you are having a rough time.  We have so many brilliant members here who understand where you are coming from.

    We care and we are here, I hear that you feel unheard and uncared for and I am so glad you found us on the community.

    You say your daughter has attempted suicide, is she getting any support from therapists etc?

    If you would like to speak to someone about your feelings, have you considered the Samaritans?

    We offer a safe place for you to talk any time you like, in your own way – about whatever’s getting to you. You don’t have to be suicidal.
    Find out why our service works and what you can expect when contacting us.
    If you have any concerns about our service before you try it, hear from others about how we've helped them. Please don’t suffer alone.   
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • Geoffvernau_
    Geoffvernau_ Member Posts: 13 Connected
    Hi cockneyrebel. Our gp's are worse than useless they are a private practice working for the nhs. They will not refer u to anyone. My daughter has therapy but we have to pay privately as the services in our very rural area are appalling. They told my neighbour (89) that thete was no point in a referal as his life was more or less over. Yes u read it right. I am not good at telling people how i feel even on the phone. It wont change the facts. Will it? To tbh i am exhausted and just want to sleep or cant sleep at all. It is a pattern now, week cant stay awake next cant sleep. My daughter reffered herself to our mental health team because she wanted to die, they put her on a waiting list, that was four months ago.
  • Topkitten
    Topkitten Member Posts: 1,285 Pioneering
    Good therapy is almost impossible to get on the NHS. If you really want help you need to go private anyway. The NHS rules, I believe, are that you get referred and have to wait ages. You then get 6-8 sessions with someone you haven't chosen and may not get on with. At the end you have to go back to your GP and get referred for more if you still need it. Then wait and then, most likely, have to start over with someone different. It has been a while since I used the system so it may have changed a bit but I doubt it.

    Local to me there is a place and organisation that can arrange therapy called 'Lifeforce'. I don't know if they are just local but there are likely to be similar places and organisations which can do much the same.

    The price using them can be quite reasonable depending on the level of therapist you need and it certainly used to give me a place to at least get the bad stuff out of my system.

    TK
    "I'm on the wrong side of heaven and the righteous side of hell" - from Wrong side of heaven by Five Finger Death Punch.
  • Geoffvernau_
    Geoffvernau_ Member Posts: 13 Connected
    Topkitten, thank you. No its no different here in north Essex, the service is apalling. We live in a very rural area so this makes it worse. I cannot get my head around that someone like my daughter who keeps taking overdoses is not section for her own safety. How on earth do they expect carers to cope with this? Its bonkers and i fear it will only get worse. We have only one inpatient unit that i know of and thats always full and quite a long way from us. Emotions today at breaking point so i'm going to bed. Ems at therapy tm and i have to have my back done. 
    Geoffvernau
  • Pippa_Alumni
    Pippa_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 5,799 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Geoffvernau_, how are you today? 
  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Member Posts: 6,390 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello how are you I am sorry you are going though a bad time.  You need to know I care what you are going though and so do lots of people on this forum..  I am of an age now in my early fifties where I am on my own and have in the last few years managed to get support for myself.  It is a struggle just be told this afternoon that support I get is ending on the email contact.  Which is a shame but I have to find other avenues of support like here and what is on the web.  Been told still have some contact by the charity but not Emails.  The whole system is gone absolutely crazy.  In twenty years plus I had to move five times because in rural backwaters where I lived nothing for disability or mental health.  Lack of support long times and waiting lists for any sort of assistance help.  Volunteered at mental health charities so I can benefit any support.  I asked all the time for help and support to the extent that I sat in a waiting room for hours till someone came out.  Had no support for all my benefit assessment some support worker never turned up.  What was happening till a few months ago was my phone was ringing with friends who had similar problems to your self.  Everything from benefits to family issues.  Mothers gone into hospital come out needs this and that.  Hospital wont provide help and recovery your GP will be in touch.  Me a car driver so off I go to pick up a friend with me ending up in a hospital miles and miles from home to pick his mother up.  Who could get into my car had to lie down on the back seat.  No ambulances to take her home.  Stories all last year like this and other things.  I am used I know but it goes on.   I am hoping and praying for you and wish you the best.  Please take care.  I like a good rant as I am on my own all the time now.  Get lonely and this helps talking to you all.  Been given lots of kindness and wise words
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
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  • Geoffvernau_
    Geoffvernau_ Member Posts: 13 Connected
    S.man thank you. I have been looking after my wife since our son had cancer aged ten. She had a nervous breakdown and never recovered Some heartless so and so's have said why dont you just leave her. But my daughter is also ill from the same episode. I am 57 and it has left me phyically and mentally exhuasted and probaly worse than her. Have to make it short tonight, thank you and take care. Geoffvernau.
  • Sam_Alumni
    Sam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,682 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Geoffvernau_
    I had a meeting with a carers group this week and they advised to take a look at  Carers UK and also to get in touch with your local council about carers assessments and emergency planning for carers.  Is this something you have looked into?
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • Geoffvernau_
    Geoffvernau_ Member Posts: 13 Connected
    Hi sam,
    I have had carers assessments but you never here from them again. Will check out carers uk. Had a really bad day yesterday my daughter pushed me to the edge of insanity. I was on the point of leaving them to get on with it themselves and leave me alone.
  • Geoffvernau_
    Geoffvernau_ Member Posts: 13 Connected
    Hi everyone, i have sent for pip forms for my daughter, a positive step, watch this space. On a downer i hate being a benifits family, that in its self makes me ill thinking about it. Thanks Tory party and media. Ps why do these people allow them to film them on these benifits programmes?
  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Member Posts: 6,390 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello sorry I have not been back to you.  Thank you for your reply.  I think you need to find a level ground here.  The system of carers is too complex and I do feel for you.  I have had this in my life recently that I have had friends who the system have excluded and been to care on their own.  With no social skills and no life knowledge.  I do understand what you are going through it brings back memories of my phone ringing constantly of needs and wants of my friends.  I can I point out I think it is time for you.    I am not a critical person and tell people what to do and am not interfering in any respect.  I am apologise if I am but I had to say to my friends I wrote each one a letter saying this I can help, I can aid you,  I can assist, I can be at your side but I need some time for me.  If I was ill what would you do to help me.  I am the same as you.  They all had disabilities of various sorts and some were of learning disability.  The response for one or two was negative and ended up in a attitude I will not ring again.  This also made the rest sit up hang on if we can just do somethings for our selves.  I can do this.  Success comes in cans not cants.  Eventually after a while they realised it hurting me mentally all these people or fairweather friends.  I believe the reason these programmes are shown by the way is because the society sees those in benefits as a form of treating us as social outcast.  I am totally offended by these programmes and it is becoming a celebrity image to be like this.  Which I disagree in every way and horrifies me all the time.  No ones wants to be on benefits I am sure I speak for every one in what ever situation there are in.  I hope and pray you can get the help you require.  Also coming on here helps and the SCOPE advisors can assist you.  Please take care speak to you soon
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • Geoffvernau_
    Geoffvernau_ Member Posts: 13 Connected
    Spiceman, thanks but most of my problems are family, they are so bloody selfish(children,wife.) They expect me to do most things. But i cant anymore, trapped nerve in my back gives me hell. Epilepsy leaves me with chronic migraines tendons in shoulder and wrist gone. Twenty years of caring have taken its toll. I sound like a sad act but thats far from the truth. I some how got in the position, like u of caring for everyone, even the old boy next door but its all to much now. I am at the pain clinic tm for back. Cant injections due to epilepsy so no miracles there. People on those programmes are giving everyone a bad name. Not once sren from a carers point of veiw or a disabled person.( Genuine) u take care i'm off to bed, exhausted as normal. Geoffvernau.

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