Parents, carers and disabled parents
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i am finding life increasingly lonely as a carer

mariejessmariejess Member Posts: 1 Listener
Hi im new to the group and im mother to a young lady with a profound learning dissability im looking to make friends and for some morale support as i am finding life increasingly lonely and difficult due to my caring role and health issues ive recently suffered wich has left me feeling less than posotive about care in the community and support 

Replies

  • Castleford1Castleford1 Member Posts: 61 Courageous
    Hi Mariejess
    I have a daughter with learning disabilities and I have health issues of my own.  I do agree that being a carer can be lonely but I think it is important to join groups such as this who can advise us and provide support.
  • Sam_AlumniSam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,731 Disability Gamechanger
    edited January 2018
    Hi @mariejess
    Welcome to the community, it can be difficult to be a carer and many people talk about loneliness. 

    Are you able to get out of the house at all? Can you look for local social groups to you? The GP surgery, library or community centre are a good place to look.  I am a big fan of the Women's Institute, I have met so many new friends and learnt so much through mine.

    I hope you enjoy it here on the community, we are a friendly group and love to chat.

    We have a parents and carers category and you may also like to take a look at the Age UK website.
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • Sam_AlumniSam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,731 Disability Gamechanger
    I just read this article about overcoming loneliness, what do you think?
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • Sam_AlumniSam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,731 Disability Gamechanger
  • Ktmexc250Ktmexc250 Member Posts: 14 Connected
    Hi. I too feel lonely. I am mum to a boy with DS. He leaves me too pooped to do anything.so you get left behind. This is the first time i've joined anything like this.so we can keep each other company! I'm hoping it will help to talk to others in the same boat..i have a feeling we're gonna need a bigger boat!!
  • annajjannajj Member Posts: 16 Connected
    mariejess said:
    Hi im new to the group and im mother to a young lady with a profound learning dissability im looking to make friends and for some morale support as i am finding life increasingly lonely and difficult due to my caring role and health issues ive recently suffered wich has left me feeling less than posotive about care in the community and support 

  • annajjannajj Member Posts: 16 Connected
    I understand how you feel ok. Am one parent to a disabled daughter who cebral palesy and austim. It dose get lonely I know. If you ever wants to chat feel free ok.
  • annajjannajj Member Posts: 16 Connected
    Ktmexc250 said:
    Hi. I too feel lonely. I am mum to a boy with DS. He leaves me too pooped to do anything.so you get left behind. This is the first time i've joined anything like this.so we can keep each other company! I'm hoping it will help to talk to others in the same boat..i have a feeling we're gonna need a bigger boat!!

  • annajjannajj Member Posts: 16 Connected
    Am in same situation with disabled child. So thinks we definitely need a bigger boat.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 128 Courageous
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • Ktmexc250Ktmexc250 Member Posts: 14 Connected
    Wow..this boat is getting massive. We need rules on our boat! No kids, lots of chocolate and coctails, Disco dance floor..dance like no one looking. Big comfy beds... no talk of, DLA, EHCP, professional services, what would any one else like on the boat?
  • kittycatkittycat Member Posts: 8 Listener
    Yes, please! I like the sound of this boat ;-)
    I am a Carer to two boys one had learning disability, the other is non-verbal and had autism.
    I too feel lonely and often too exhausted to do anything! 
  • Ktmexc250Ktmexc250 Member Posts: 14 Connected
    Welcome aboard! 
  • kittycatkittycat Member Posts: 8 Listener
    Thank you!  :-)
  • annajjannajj Member Posts: 16 Connected
    Hi kitycat I know the feeling being lonely and feeling exhausted. I got disabled child  with cebral palesy and austim. 
  • kittycatkittycat Member Posts: 8 Listener
    Hello annajj :-). Yes, it can be hard at times. My hubby isn’t really a talker, my eldest is a teenager so prefers to be in his room on his PlayStation, and my youngest can’t talk!!!!
    I find that family and friends just don’t ‘get it’! So, it’s great to find like minded folk to have a talk/rant too! ;-) Xx
  • Ktmexc250Ktmexc250 Member Posts: 14 Connected
    Hi shipmates! I find myself talking rubbish to anyone who will stand still long enough just to make myself feel human. I see people chatting and seemingly having a life and it can make me feel more isolated. No support network really. It would be nice to have a break when he's doing my head in. So, to be able to rant about random stuff on here to people who know what i feel like is a good outlet! 
    Let's make up a name for this boat..what about the good ship we rock?
  • Ktmexc250Ktmexc250 Member Posts: 14 Connected
    Forgot to say..my hubby is a somerset farmer, so not big on talking and kids grown up and gone..fed up and lonely.
  • annajjannajj Member Posts: 16 Connected
    Hi kittycat and ktmexc250.well am one parent raising a 11 year old and 12 years old child who disabled. Oldest children left home .so gets lonely sometimes .And as you said kittycatand family friends just don't get us . 
  • Ktmexc250Ktmexc250 Member Posts: 14 Connected
    So..what's the answer? I tried joining groups, they drive me nuts. they are either full of young mums who i don' t connect with ( i'm 49) or people who just want to know what they can claim. I tend to say what i think when asked and some people don' t like that..blimey..i sound like a right old witch! I don' t know what the answer is, but for me, i'd just like to meet other people who know how it ACTUALLY is to have a kid with disabilities and not judge when i have a moan or a rant or not mention the kids at all.
    Love to get together with peeps sometime..
    We need names for this boat too.
  • kittycatkittycat Member Posts: 8 Listener
    Ah,...kindred spirits! ;-)
    How about shipwrecked? Very appropriate in my case, as I usually am wrecked!!!!!
    I’m 46 and live in Dorset. 
    Feel like I need a holiday (ALONE) in the sun to recharge my batteries. X
  • annajjannajj Member Posts: 16 Connected
    Well am 44 year old mum.A hoilday in sun for one sounds like heaven to me. Am from Southampton area.
  • annajjannajj Member Posts: 16 Connected
    Well have think of names for this boat then .Well am going on 45 this year .Well we are all in our forties so far so good ashame wasn't closer for cup tea. I think we get on well as we can all relate which is nice.  But not always easy to find.
  • kittycatkittycat Member Posts: 8 Listener
    Well, I am 47 in April! :-0
    Funny thing is annajj I live on the edge of the New Forest!!!
    I was only at Costco last week in Southampton.
    Think this ship of ours needs to pick us all up and take us somewhere sunny! X
  • Ktmexc250Ktmexc250 Member Posts: 14 Connected
    Carribean looks rather nice. There's room for everyone.
  • ZeezeeZeezee Member Posts: 80 Pioneering
    Hi could I stowaway on this boat as it sounds perfect for me and joining a boat full of mums who are closer to my age (44) would be great. Also being around people who don't say "aahh but your lucky your daughter is so beautiful and smart, it could be a lot worse" when I am complaining about getting no sleep, constantly attending appointments or whatever service I am currently fighting for equipment. People just don't get it/me. And because I am constantly exhausted I look about 90years old and am sick of young mums at those playgroup's asking if I am her nana and then once they realise she is unable to sit or stand unaided they avoid us like their children will catch Cerebral Palsy off my daughter, so we end up isolated playing together with my daughter looking longingly at the other kids all playing together wanting to join in. It breaks my heart so much that I don't take her anymore. Well I have had my moan now so I am going to try to sneak into bed now without waking my little princess. Hope to sail away somewhere nice with you all soon xx
  • annajjannajj Member Posts: 16 Connected
    Hello zeezee sure your welcome on this boat. The more the merrier. 
  • TopkittenTopkitten Member Posts: 1,263 Pioneering
    Does anyone else find this thread scary? All these women alone in a boat enjoying themselves? No one at the helm. Gosh! They could end up anywhere. Sounds like time to board the lifeboats for us poor old guys.... before we get hung, drawn and quartered for asking questions, lol!

    Seriously though I do wish there was some sort of real network for helping with the problem of loneliness which seems to be approaching epidemic proportions. Somehow I don't think appointing a 'Minister for loneliness' is going to be very effective. Even if they do come up with some real ideas (unlikely), they will probably be either too expensive or will take too long to implement and hence cancelled by the next government.

    Now ladies. I meant no disrespect and am quite ready to grovel and scamper away should anyone take offense.  :)

    TK
    "I'm on the wrong side of heaven and the righteous side of hell" - from Wrong side of heaven by Five Finger Death Punch.
  • Ktmexc250Ktmexc250 Member Posts: 14 Connected
    No offense taken topkitten..now, go and scrub the decks!!
    Being lonely is pants! I know just what you mean about the 'nana' thing. I was 43 when i had my son. Most of the other mums are young enough to be my kids and we have nothing in common. I get sick of the pitying looks when i tell people he has downs syndrome..and hearing things like 'oh they are such happy people and very loving'..
    Say that when he's having a melt down when i try to get his haircut or brush his teeth or at 3am when he decides that's a great time to start the day!
    Any one is welcome on the boat..even blokes..as long as you make a decent cuppa.
  • RolandRoland Member Posts: 34 Courageous
    Have any of you tried approaching Carers UK? ://www.carersuk.org/

  • TopkittenTopkitten Member Posts: 1,263 Pioneering
    Approaching Carers UK in a boat. Surely it would beach before arriving, lol!

    TK
    "I'm on the wrong side of heaven and the righteous side of hell" - from Wrong side of heaven by Five Finger Death Punch.
  • annajjannajj Member Posts: 16 Connected
    Hi Roland what carers UK?
  • Pippa_AlumniPippa_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 5,851 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @annajj, here is a link to the Carers UK website for you. :)
  • annajjannajj Member Posts: 16 Connected
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