Old Guidelines from 1965

Annabelle26

I don't know if anyone can help me with a really old problem.  I was born in the 1950s with mild CP on my right side & a curved spine & spent my childhood going to hospital for physiotherapy etc.  I used to see an Orthopaedic Surgeon which I did not like.  For some reason he gave me the creeps and I did not like being in the room with him and used to hate it when he examined me.   My Mother (who I don't have a good relationship with because of childhood issues)  I cannot remember a lot about my childhood & she refuses to talk to me about it. Since I was young I have felt unwanted by my family & even sometimes that my Mother was not my Mother. However a few years ago I decided to apply to to the local hospital for my childhood records but they replied my childhood records had been destroyed in accordance with Department of Health Guidelines of 1965.  Does anyone know anything about these.  They found a few pieces of correspondence which they sent me copies of.  I also applied to my GP for my records but the early records are a bit vague but there is some correspondence in them. One piece of correspondence shows I should have been referred somewhere else but it did not happen. My hospital records date from the late 70s when I fell & broke some vertebrae in my lower back & had to have them fused together with bone & they partially straightened my spine at the same time.  This lasted until 12-13 years when I started to get pains & had to have the fusion done again with titanium rods put in.  I have arthritis, spondylisis, & deterioration on my right side.  I am also puzzled as to why my Mother gave birth in a different hospital further away when as lived & had been attending classes at the maternity unit a few streets away.  She was staying at my Grandmothers house which was  nearer the hospital when the labour started & my Grandmother went physically down to the ambulance station situated at the bottom of the road & an ambulance came & took my Mother to the other hospital.  My Mother will not talk to me about it & will not apply for the records about it.  I was physically abused by teachers at school.  I was abused by a dentist but I am not sure how far it went.  I used to go to the dentist who insisted I needed my teeth constantly filling & used to knock me out with anaesthetic by putting a large rubber mask on my face which covered it (I cannot stand anything covering my face now) & I always felt odd afterwards.  My clothes seemed to be messed up.  He had a large nurse who would hold you down whilst he put the mask on your face.  After a few years my Mother suddenly took me to another Dental Practice.  At the first check up the new Dentist was horrified at my mouth.  There was nothing wrong with my teeth & the fillings were not done properly.  There was only a small amount filling which is why they kept needing to be done.  When he mentioned about having to do all the fillings again I remember freaking out & getting hysterical & screaming & would not stop.  I had to be taken to a private room & given something which sedated me.  It was a much bigger practice & I was passed to a different dentist who specialised in nervous patients  who really helped me & over a few weeks I had the fillings re done. It turns out the fillings were not necessary as my teeth were fine. I stayed with him till he retired.  I have am still nervous about going to the dentist but can cope better but still get a bit worked up when the fillings have to be replaced but my current Practice know about me.  The only fillings I actually needed was two on my front teeth which I broke when I had my fall in the 70s.    All this need to find out about my past is because of all the historical sex abuse allegations which have come out over the past few years.  A few years ago I had a mental breakdown because of abuse at work & treatment for it has bought my childhood problems to the surface & I have suffered PTSD.  I have tried Group Therapy twice but cannot cope with it but I can do 1 to 1.   Deep down I feel I need answers from my childhood but cannot get them & feel I will not really improve until I know about my childhood good or bad.

thespiceman

Hello @Annabelle26 Thank you for sharing you story.  I am in a similar position to you, regarding my story.  My childhood the same in respect I have memories and recall of a tormented up bringing.

I feel for you and understand the situation clearly.  I have to know why am I like this.  It is going around in my head.  No matter how much therapy and the questions come and I have no answers.

Born into a family not wanted I know this now.  It was the sixties and what happened.  Life time of operations, thought I had one well know disability.   To do with the Morning Sickness Pill. Told by my Mother.  Constantly lied to all the time.  Lesson to every one out there do not lie to your children because they will find out the truth and the damage is done.

If you child has a disability or illness they need to know.  

In the end I found out was a genetic disorder some thing entirely different.  Only started this journey because the lying and the unanswered questions.  When I was in my teens.  Found out a folder with lots of information and had this file on me.  One moment there next moment gone.  What File?  Included cash book with money in it.  

Twenty years ago or more met my Father only time had talked about it.  To me  admitted the problems with his wife and the situation.  Never said sorry ever.  You and me I remember are not related I screamed at him.  Pent up angry and he walked away.  I had this sense of relief because I think he knew.

Constantly as you do now why me?  I applied a long time ago for birth certificate and did not get it.  My Mother had destroyed it along with every thing else.  Had to get a copy.

I can not give you advice regarding the situation you are in.  I know my records were destroyed.  I went on a search one time for answers and did find some but at the same time my concern is for my health and also yours.  What and how can be dangerous and harming some times.  Speaking for myself I did the right thing.

I am effected mentally by all this, having an addiction history for thirty years.   I am clean now for eleven but I have written a lot about the damage that woman has done to me.  Plus my mental state is not good most days.  It stills goes on though.

I have suffered too much especially abuse, torment and the rest.  My well being is important now and just want to be treated as a person.  I use my experiences to help and advise others if I can.

All I know I am away from her and do not want reconciliation.  Done so much evocable and unrepairable damage to my life.  I have nephews and nieces I will never see and do not wished to see.  Family all of them interfering, critical at me for having relationships with women who have children who are not mine.

Which I treated the child as if he or she was my own.  Always will.  My love and support to them every day.  I miss them all.

I need to send you a message of support and pray and hope what you wish for.  Take care good to talk to you.  Here to listen.

Pippa_Alumni

Thank you for sharing this with us @Annabelle26, and I'm so sorry to hear about your past experiences and how they have affected you. Are you receiving any support or therapy at the moment?

Annabelle26

I am not actually having therapy at present but that is my own fault for not attending group therapy properly.  My psychotherapist gave me plenty of opportunities to go back to the group but I could not face it.  I have written to him asking for another go & am waiting for a reply.  I am better at writing down my problems than talking about them.  
thespiceman I still see my Mother regularly but we very rarely talk about my problems.  She does not even acknowledge I am mentally ill.  We talk  about what my Brother (who was wanted) who has always been & still is treated better than me or other members of the family have done.  I have accepted the situation & it does not really bother me anymore.  I do occasionally bring up the medical situation but she still refuses to talk about it.  There is one change since my Father died 5 years ago she seems to rely on me to  sort things out for her which I do willingly even though I get no acknowledgement for it but again I have accepted it.  I think of the prayer with the line about giving strength to accept things I cannot change sometimes when I am with my Mother and family.   Overall I find spending the day with my Mother exhausting.  Also at present she is giving extra money because of the large drop in income because of my PIP/DLA situation so I think maybe in a small way she is trying to make up for the earlier problems.  I do still love her in spite of all the things she has done in the past.