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Preparing to Die

CockneyRebel
CockneyRebel Member Posts: 5,217 Disability Gamechanger
Do you have a plan in place for when you die ?

Not something we want to think about but following a recent conversation with my wife what are the things your partner needs to do ?

What do you need to  do if your partner goes first ?

Having made a will is a good start but what else needs to be done ?

Who do your need to tell ?

Do you have a pension ?

Do you have insurance ?

I am putting together a to do list of all the things that need to be done so that it is as easy as it can be for my wife.

Although I hope that it is many years away, preparing now can relieve some of the stress for your partner or yourself

being buried at sea with your partner dancing on your grave is not an option :)

CR

 
Be all you can be, make  every day count. Namaste
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Comments

  • maid08
    maid08 Member Posts: 307 Member
    edited February 2018
    yes the gov caN BURY me they took everything while alive let um sort out my death

  • CockneyRebel
    CockneyRebel Member Posts: 5,217 Disability Gamechanger
    I can understand that but this is more about those you leave behind and making the process as painless as possible for them.
    if you are alone then you should consider what will happen to your goods and chattles otherwise the gov will end up with all your stuff
    Be all you can be, make  every day count. Namaste
  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 1,748 Listener
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  • maid08
    maid08 Member Posts: 307 Member
    I can understand that but this is more about those you leave behind and making the process as painless as possible for them.
    if you are alone then you should consider what will happen to your goods and chattles otherwise the gov will end up with all your stuff
    nudge nudge i own nothing full stop not married kids all been sorted  by gifts  im far away from them they are all adults  and as i say gov can pay

  • Sam_Alumni
    Sam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,682 Disability Gamechanger
    There is some info on making wills here that might be of interest
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Member Posts: 6,390 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello every body just a thought my stories.  I had two friends who died suddenly from addiction related illness.

    Problem was council used to pay or you can apply on to DWP for benefit.

    I was at the time had money.  Approached by the widows both times.  Need money for shall we say final expenses.

    Knew had nothing.  So paid out £1500 on one.  Year later paid out £2000.

    Been over twenty years or more.  Never got money back.  Tried to ask for it.  I know people are grieving and that is time is a healer.

    I fell I was doing my duty as a friend.  I am acutely aware of being sensitive, I hope I was.  

    The other story was had a friend who had life long disability.  He knew of life was going to be short.  He told me so.  While I was on holiday he died.  The family and the widow had nothing. 

    He never had any plans and made no arrangements.

    I was away so I know nothing of this only found out when I came back.  He had friends not one helped, not one turned to the widow and family for support.  Even his work colleagues never wanted to know.

    I am not going into details here let's just say there were certain expenses.  That she had to pay. 

    I come back she had rung me, sent me a letter.

    Eventually I she asked me.  So I helped.  Not after ringing around everybody who knew the guy.  Saying very nicely and being polite can you help funds or donations.  All silence and dead phones

    So every body do you wish to have that.  No sorry I have not.  Only because of me I paid out again.  £2500 this time or more than that if I recall because of certain other expenses.  If you get my drift.

    I have last three years have a life insurance policy .  Sum goes up each year in line inflation.  Paid around £15 a month.

    Put my friend as beneficiary.  Final expenses if you die now will cost simple casket, service around £5000

    That is an estimate.

    I know have not made a will.  Problem is made my friend a beneficiary but if he dies before me.  Need to look at solicitors and then will cost something

    I hope any body realises that what I have been saying could happen to you.

    Remember councils do not have budget to dispose of you if you die.  With out family paying  Simple cremation that's all.  Also one council has spent one million on cremating there residents who have died.

    Take care

    May you all live long and prosper my friends


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  • charlene
    charlene Member Posts: 555 Pioneering
    I paid for my partner when he died. I have no savings at all so no funeral arrangements. What I do have is a very expensive house, so that can be sold and my funeral expenses can come from that.  Just trying (not to hard) of what to do with the rest of the money, maybe leave it to the local dogs home
    When the going gets tough, the tough get going.
  • susan48
    susan48 Member Posts: 2,222 Disability Gamechanger
    I’m really struggling to get life Insurance, been declined for the last 2 years and probably no luck when I try again.
    i tried to take my own life in 2015 so cannot get Insurance. 
    I have a few pensions and a flat with some equity, at the moment anyway, before the mortgage interest payment benefit stops!!!

  • lillybelle
    lillybelle Member Posts: 571 Pioneering
    Please make sure you make a will. If you don’t mind a large portion of your estate going to the government then that’s fine.
    even if it is a DIY kit from WH Smith’s.
    myself and hubby have made a will plus we both have life insurance. We also have our own home.
    i have heard a lot of problems that families have had to deal with as there is no will
  • susan48
    susan48 Member Posts: 2,222 Disability Gamechanger
    I have written my will and have gave a friend a copy and a copy is with my personal paper, pensions etc.
    I don’t know how to get Insurance since been declined  previously. 
    Any help would be greatly appreciated 
    lillybelle, thanks for your reply 
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  • CockneyRebel
    CockneyRebel Member Posts: 5,217 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi susan

    I will try and find something for you as I am sure other members will to

    CR
    Be all you can be, make  every day count. Namaste
  • susan48
    susan48 Member Posts: 2,222 Disability Gamechanger
    Many thank to you all, to have some sort of insurance would put, hopefully, that part of my anxiety at rest. Got so much worry.

    Thanks 
    Victoriad and CR 
  • susan48
    susan48 Member Posts: 2,222 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi Victoriad,
    chevked out mind website , guidance on Insurance but as of my previous Suicide attempt doesn’t look good.
    dont even want to try again, too many things happening right now, PIP Appeal, waiting on a decision letter and can’t take anymore anxiety

  • Annmarie12
    Annmarie12 Member Posts: 15 Listener
    Hi I'm reading these posts about dying and it makes me sad I want to die but the only thing that stops me are my 4 kids who I'm so proud off my youngest is 21 they all work hard go to uni my son is a pro snooker player so I must have done something right but I feel a burden because of my problems my partner died in 1888 in car crash I was with him and I got awful injurys I don't remember it as it was so traumatic I met someone else and had my 2 youngest kids was with him for 20 year but he was abusive physicaly n mentally this brought my childhood nightmares back to haunt me I could never let my kids know what happened to me as a child for  years I don't want to burden them then my young sister hung herself on my daughter's 18 birthday her twin my brother died a few years earlier that was 2010 she did this then my first grandson Oscar died on her birthday 4 yrs later I suffer from bulimic I've went from a size 14 to a size 6 since June as I hate food I suffer bard depression and have tried to end things my daughter found me and took me to hospital I saw my phygolist for 3 yrs who diagnosed me with ptsd but had to sign me off due to funding so now I see my doctor to deal with all this nothing helps I can't get the nightmares to go away I suffer from agoraphobia I don't answer my door to anyone my kids n family all have a key for my house my daughter brings me up dinner n lunch but I do try n eat but I just make myself sick as I feel it's a relief I know it's self harming but it won't stop I put on a brave face to anyone I know I'm ashamed of my childhood my other sister is in hospital had her breasts removed I have supported her as much as I can and that's not have of it I've called Samaritans a few times but that only helps for the time I talk when I come off phone I still feel the same my girls pick my clothes wash my hair do my make up but when they go I just take it all off as I can't walk far due to tissue damage in my ankles and they will only get worse as tissue damage can't be repaired I really don't want to be in this world I can't take anymore heartbreak I've never written this down for anyone to see how I feel I'm sorry it's so long I could right much more I really just want to sleep and never wake up I know I'm entitled  to pip but you know I don't care if I get it or not as I couldn't deal with these asserors I'm actually scared of them sorry for writing this all I know it's too Much stuff but I just had to write all this down x
  • Annmarie12
    Annmarie12 Member Posts: 15 Listener
    One of this will probably not make sense to anyone but me sorry I don't want pity I just had to share this x
  • CockneyRebel
    CockneyRebel Member Posts: 5,217 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi Annmarie

    Thank you for sharing
    We are always hear to listen without judgement
    I do not pity you but I would like to understand

    \CR
    Be all you can be, make  every day count. Namaste
  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Member Posts: 6,390 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @Annmarie12 Good Morning I have seen your post.  I understand the feelings and emotions around your life.

    I do feel for you.

    This subject is never easy to debate or discuss.

    My thoughts are with you right now.

    I know you have so much upset, emotion and heartbreak.  I am here to listen not make a judgement.

    One of my aspects of my life was my addiction .  So writing about how I felt and still feels causes me so much trauma.  I had thoughts of suicide and wishing to die.  Seeing my friends die.

    Then I realised if I want to look at what is happening to me.  I need to evaluate what is good and positive.

    This is not easy to say to anybody to say how to change or run your life.

    This is looking what doing small steps.  In your own time.  Life is hard, tough complicated.

    Knowledge and being in control of our own destiny and what we as human beings adapt is important to us.

    I am so sorry what is happening, you perhaps need to discuss with your family what they can provide and help with.  Look at support from other sources.  I can understand they can be trust and dealing with strangers.

    This also may be aspects of your life that you wish to discuss with them.. You are talking to us the community right now.  That is important.  We are here to listen

    You have contacted Samaritians that is a positive start.  Small steps.  I do feel you need to maybe talk to some one else.  GP's have range of talking therapy.

    I am not telling you what to do.  This is your life, your choice.  I feel misery, pain, tears emotions a whole range.

    When I got really ill, just those thoughts this was me, turned to bible for comfort.  Talking to a priest and having a range of options.

    I am myself disabled born with it.  Had addiction.  Family rejected because of abuse by Mother.  Addiction for thirty years alcoholic, drugs.

    Hated my self due to disability.  Hate everything about my self.  Disability in the way.  Relationships, employment.  Sorry if this is my life.

    I since been clean accepted myself but only after looking at how I can so much take small steps.  I still have depression and anxiety.  I get doubts and have feelings like every one else.  About my disability.  I try every day to be me.

    Started with rehab 18 months.  Then still even now mental health and several charities to support me.  Plus good therapy to talk.  This is time to heal.  Twenty plus years.  That is still ongoing.

    Please can I ask what right now if I could wave a magic wand what would change.  A therapist asked me.

    I just went on about my disability.  Not even mentioning the addiction that is hurting me.  Effecting my mental health  As of now.  She asked me to make a list of things I would like to do.  These are goals, aims might not achieve any.

    This not about me but you.

    Please can I ask what would you like to change if I could.

    Please come back.  I see and hear to be there and not judge, be critical,, have a chat, how can I be a friend.

    Always in my thoughts and prayers

    Take care
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
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  • susan48
    susan48 Member Posts: 2,222 Disability Gamechanger
    Thanks for taking the time to reply victoriad, 
    i will try to beak the things down in my head, it’s totall exhausting just thinking about it all.
    your right though, the Pip appeal is priority right now, the waiting on the letter, a no mail deliveries just now with the weather, is hard, can’t eat or sleep.
    iv emailed the court but doubt if anyone is there to read it.
    how long does it usually take for the appeal decision letter to be posted out??
    i will look at the sites you mentioned, maybe help keep my mind occupied.

    be safe 
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  • susan48
    susan48 Member Posts: 2,222 Disability Gamechanger
    Thank you Victoriad, will try some soup.
    my appeal was headed on Monday if this week, it was so stressful and harrowing, emotionally, I can’t even remember what was asked etc, I could hardly talk. 
    The doctor was very cold but the “ judge” was a nice lady
    thank you again x
  • susan48
    susan48 Member Posts: 2,222 Disability Gamechanger
    Sorry for the typos!! Heads all confused
  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Member Posts: 6,390 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @susan48 Good Afternoon I see you have been speaking to my good friend @Victoriad .  Given you lots of advice.

    First thing is to decide what is top priority.  Make a list, I know this is hard and not easy.

    My concern is you I had so many appeals just I do know you start worrying and the anxiety.

    Anxiety in your head goes around spinning what if and how if and why.  I had all this in my head.  Which effected mental state so much.

    I was assessed and reassessed every 18 months or so for twenty years plus on all my benefits, especially ESA.  So I had to cope.

    You have plenty of options man recon as they call it.  Supply more information.

    Seek support of SCOPE.  Welfare rights, CAB all available as back up.

    You could appoint an advocate to oversee your benefits, sort out if the decision is wrong.  To speak to for you.

    My big issue is that at the moment is your health.  I agree it takes to long.  This is not helping.

    As for life insurance consider you bank or financial institution.  A lot of them have branches dealing with life insurance. Halifax, Scottish Widows.  Try and find out.  They want your business.

    I hope any of this helps

    Take care
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes

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