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Preparing to Die

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  • Pippa_Alumni
    Pippa_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 5,799 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Annmarie12, thank you for your earlier post that you shared with us: I'm so sorry to hear about what you and your family have experienced in the past and how it continues to affect you.  

    You are a member of our community and we appreciate you. If you are having thoughts of suicide, it is important that you discuss them with someone who is qualified to help. Please call the Samaritans on 116 123 (free) or email them at [email protected]. You might also benefit from reading MIND’s information on how you can help yourself. If you feel that you may be an immediate danger to yourself, please call 999 or go to your local hospital right away.

    Please do keep talking to us- we have plenty of friendly community members who are here to listen. If you'd prefer to talk to somebody over the phone, you can also find the Scope helpline at 0800 800 3333. 



  • sdoc94
    sdoc94 Member Posts: 140 Pioneering
    I would like Capita and the DWP to lower me into my grave so they can let me down one last time. Haha.

    :neutral:
    Shady.
  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Member Posts: 6,390 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @susan48 Good morning. Thank you for reply.  It is about confidence and having that self esteem.

    Having a choice what do I wish to do today.  This is your life.  All of us get those guilty useless feelings of self worth.  Not wanted not feel too great.  I still some days do.

    I understand this, if had stopped drinking and carried on.  The massive guilts I get from losing friends who carried on and passed away.

    I have spent too long doing addiction.  I am 53 now and realise how much time and energy wasted. 

    I see my life yes I have anxiety, depression a whole host of issues and problems.

    So if and when I can go back on my stage sing my heart out.  One chance, one opportunity.  Dance away, as I struggle my life has to change.

    As it has meeting all you lovely people on the forum.  Thank you.  You have put me back on my stage.  The light is on me.  Love you all.

    So Susan you are given this life, your stage.  You given a chance to shine.  As others have given me the opportunity to shine a light.  I am giving you the chance.

    To sing and dance to feel amazing. You are in control small steps. 

    By way I was given this in therapy.  Constant therapy to try to give me a purpose in life.  This is what they do.  Because I had massive guilty feelings, never had happiness.  Bought up in a house where fun and enjoyment never exsisted.  

    It was all about control and taking and hurting.   Living constant pressure to succeed all about power and money.

    It is up to you.  I am here to listen and talk if that helps.

    I am sure you understand.

    Take care
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
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  • susan48
    susan48 Member Posts: 2,222 Disability Gamechanger
    Yes spiceman I do understand, that  post made me cry. I want also to feel happiness. 
    Laugh and be free of this massive an finished jigsaw in my brain.
    postive news , might bring you hope too. I have won my PIP Appeal. So relieved I have cried most of the morning, tears of relief but also what happens next!!
    award granted until November 2019, they can start this rollercoaster again this year.

    i need to focus.
    life Insurance next of the complex thing I must do.

    try to sing and dance today spiceman.
    (My CPN said that singing could help my speech, I try)

    Susan
  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Member Posts: 6,390 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @susan48 Thank you for kind words.  I apologise if I made you cry, I have a way with words sometimes.   Please can I offer my congratulations on PIP well done.

    Great start to the Monday.  Small steps next time that's ages away, then concentrate on today.  Small steps.  I am the stage in my life I do plan but that me, because I have to.

    I have a day of structure part of me.  Yet that is flexiable   When life's candles what's to burn bright it is the small things you do.  To make the difference.

    I have aims and goals for the week and have learnt to cope.  That is years of doing it.  Small little successful tasks or jobs or treats to the day.

    Do not know what you like or do?  Could be in the morning a treat for breakfast.  Something to uplift you and give you positivity.  I am every one so are you human.  I do prayers for all my friends here getting longer.  Stretch and have a look outside   Cold wet and damp in the morning.  News put on.  Dreary tiresome.

    So we do watch news five minutes maybe a little longer. this is me.  Classic FM morning good relaxing music.  Music that soothes easy into the day.  Who says tea and toast.

    I had everything from veggie curry to soup to eggs and toast with fruit.  Buy colourful vibrant vegetables fruit and berries.  Sunshine food.  Done chilli beans and eggs this morning.  Wake me up.  See my posts.

    Done now tidy up, put on those cheesy 60's 70's compilation albums.  Groovy , funky have a dance while doing a sweep.  Who cares, Use them for any little tasks.  Ironing and all those boring jobs.  If some one see me so.  Just a lift.

    By way can use those old records of the 50's and jazz stuff because they speak clearly.  I have 50 50 hearing.  Can not understand modern stuff old music helps me to sing and I know how to say  words.  Nat King Cole clear voice example.


    Same with TV it is off all day unless there are programmes up lifting, thoughtful positive and can educate me.  Never watch Soaps or those depressing dramas.

    If there is a film on old one.  Try to do a task before that helps.  Favourite sandwich make it and then do task.  Sandwich in fridge waiting.  Little treats.

    Just a small glimpse of me.

    You said you need to focus.  Just write down what you wish to do.  Make a script.  If I going to see some one like the Doctors write down what you wish to say.

    Handed in one time to Doctors let her read it.

    Same with telephoning, speaking to any body.  Rehearse or take it in with you.

    I have no confidence phoning so I make a script and say what I wish to say.

    I know this sounds simple to you.  I have been there so many times and still am.  Fighting, struggling getting knock backs and for what I want.

    Have bad days terrible days.  Small steps.

    I hope you know I am here any time.  I apologise long posts.  Again.  Just an old fashioned gentleman from long ago who wishes to help out a lady.

    Take care
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 1,748 Listener
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  • susan48
    susan48 Member Posts: 2,222 Disability Gamechanger
    Thanks spiceman and Victoriad Baby steps. I take notes if I have to go to the doctors, chemist or local shop, even when somebody is with me. Thank you all for your time and support. Spiceman, tv, radio can be a problem, noise, I can’t concentrate with noise so spend most days in quiet. In the evening I put the tv on low. I watched recorded drama last night but can’t even remember what it was about, I enjoyed it at the time but forget. The Tribunal services emailed me my decision letter today, after they said they couldn’t email it to me and I have to keep reading it over and over because I can’t remember what it says. Susan
  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 1,748 Listener
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  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Member Posts: 6,390 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @susan48 Thank you for reply.  I just making suggestions in my post.  Ideas and possible solutions. 

    Seems my good friend Victoria has given you heaps of advice and support.  That is excellent.

    I was trying to give you some positivity.  You do what ever you wish to do.  I was trying explain doing the simple things like music and hobbies can be rewarding  Music may not be your thing.  Something else your choice.

    Changes and do something else.

    I have memory problems myself.  I know it is the anxiety and also stress.

    I forgot what I say or write to people I do know either my friends on the forum or people like yourself.

    Have to go over many times.  I forgot films and music previous day.  All sorts of embarrassing things.

    Took a drug called Thaimine to combat dementia through my alcoholism.  For five years .  Not on this now.  Always there though in my life.

    Hope you take care and remember we as a community are always here.


    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes

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