Depression and motivation

Barbiesnemesis

It is widely acknowledged that a lack of motivation is a symptom of depression. I struggle a lot with this and feel like a failure when I can't do what is advised to help with my depression or physical problems and pain. Things like exercise, sleeping patterns, eating right, etc have been suggested.. I just wish that the motivation factor was taken into account and more support was given. Does anyone else feel like this?

susan48

I know how that feels Barbiesnemisis, 
days of just wanting to hide under the duvet and sleep, but sleep doesn’t come.
i got a dog to make me go out, sometimes even when I know I have to take him out it’s too much.
its been a long hard winter too this year which doesn’t help, dark long days, can’t wait for the clocks to change

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maid08

i just want to go  it is harder getting up  and waking up thinking not again

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Barbiesnemesis

@Victoriad I love that expression "pushing treacle up a hill". 

Barbiesnemesis

I've just realised that I've put this serious topic in coffee lounge - perhaps it should be somewhere else, sorry.

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maid08

how can i be serious this place has no tea  anyway one must have a stiff upper lip we h are british what ho???anyway yep cheerful is best

Barbiesnemesis

I'm with you on that one @maid08   And thank you to both you and @Victoriad for reassuring me. I'm a terrible worrier, or maybe a good worrier seeing how I'm so good at it!!!

deb74

i used to suffer from really bad depression and was anti-depressants for 8 yrs. i started looking at my life and realised i was just paddling going nowhere. i made a decision that i needed to do something about it. it was hard and there were a lot of tears along the way but i did get myself out of the rut. i came off the pills and rebuilt my life. the depression will always be there in the background and i do get depressed sometimes but i am determined not to let it rule my life again.

Barbiesnemesis

@deb74 I just don't know where to even begin, the rut is so deep. What sort of things did you look at in your life - if that's not too personal a question?

deb74

i don't know what to suggest but i just looked at my life and realised i was stuck in a rut it was as f i was in a hole and the more i tried to dig my way out of it the deeper the hole got. i knew i had to sort my life out so i just made a conscious decision to get my life back on track. i was only in my early 20's and didn't want to spend the rest of my life feeling like that. it was hard but if you are determined to do it then you will! hope this helps

Barbiesnemesis

Thank you for replying deb74 x

deb74

i hope you start to feel more positive about things soon.

susan48

I’m right in the clutches of depression right now and have been in bed all day. My friend stayed with me most of the day, looked after the dog and made sure I’d taken meds. Stood over me taking them but even that I took the wrong one.
its like being I’m a deep dark hole and no light at the end

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Waylay

I've suffered from Major Depressive Disorder since I was in my early teens (only diagnosed at 19, though), and Generalized Anxiety Disorder since I was a young child. I've been on 14 different psychiatric meds since I was 19, and have been on them full-time for 14 years. Aside from a couple that had very bad side-effects (one caused me to cart uncontrollably and without warning all the time - extremely embarrassing at work, but quite funny in retrospect), each med worked for a while, then became less effective. Increasing the dose helped for a while, but eventually I'd have to switch to another. 

Before I became disabled my depression and anxiety were "normal" - long (months-years) severe episodes which required time off of uni/work, and left me completely incapable of functioning. 

However, after my back injury, things have changed. My baseline is depressed and anxious at a level at which I'm mostly functional, but not productive. I descend into severe depressions, extremely high anxiety states, or a mixture of both, very quickly. They last an hour, a day, a couple of weeks... Then I go back to baseline. I'm constantly up and down, up and down... I've been assessed for bipolar, but don't have it. 

The depressions are severe: I don't get out of bed (except to pee), barely eat or stop eating entirely, stop communicating, suicidalsideation, self-harm... The anxiety can be horrendous; I often can't sleep for 50-60 hours, although I'm exhausted, then pass out for 15-20. I can't leave the house, and often not even my room.

I've been diagnosed with Borderline PD, which may actually be chronic PTSD (getting diagnosised atm), which may explain all this, but I don't know. Anybody else have similar problems?

Barbiesnemesis

@Waylay I have a lot of the problems you've described. I've had chronic and severe depression for as far back as I can remember. I was suicidal by the time I was 13 - I'm 54 now and still here though    I got diagnosed with complex post traumatic stress disorder in my 40s and the depression in my 20s. Its a hard road to travel on isn't it?

susan48

Hi 
I can relate to your description Waylay, it’s a living nightmare.
I wish I could have a proper diagnosis, don’t know how to go about this.
Iv been on antidepressants for 20 years anxiety on and off but have gradually gotten worse. Suicide attempt a few years ago.
i think it’s more than severe depression and anxiety but how can I find out

susan48

Barbiesnemisis,
it definetly is a hard long road, and people just think, oh give yourself a shake!,,
seriously do they think we want to be this way 

Barbiesnemesis

@susan48 I don't think some people have any idea how damaging severe depression and anxiety is - what people don't get is that the very thing you need to 'shake yourself out of it' is the bit that's not working right. Things like motivation, hope, self esteem just get lost when you're depressed. With anxiety you're living in fear all day, every day... Nope, I most definitely didn't choose this

susan48

Barbiesnemisis,
neither did I or anyone suffering with this horrible illness x

Waylay

Thank you both. I'm sorry you're both suffering too, but good to know I'm not alone. 

It is a very hard road. If, magically, I got the choice to cure my chronic pain syndrome or my mental illnesses, I'd pick mental in a second.

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thespiceman

Hello  @Barbiesnemesis   How are you ?  I reading your post on the aspects of motivation.  Caused by depression plus anxiety.

One the main issues is looking how can you heal yourself not cure.  Heal to ease the symptoms.

Being a long term suffer I have come to the conclusion of looking at everything that makes us ill.  Could be the time of year.  Autumn and Winter cold damp wet and miserable.  How to cope on a daily basis .  How to eat and be sensible.  Have structures and methods that you can cope with.

Only recently understanding what makes me the way I am and how I deal with.  Yes us gentlemen have days of lack of energy and get up and go .  Just try to take small steps.

I see you ladies all have been talking and giving each other support.  That is important.

I understand myself more over the last few years.  Being part of a mental health charity.  Also giving you support but they may look at your situation.  Have  a look a diets fitness.  Does not mean gyms by way.  Look at coping methods and strategies.

Could be support meetings, be being the only gent by the way.  Looking at sleep medication, diet and anything else to help and assist you.

When leaving.  Understand myself more, have built up a folder of things I can deal with.  Most of all try to deal with the day to day which is not easy.  How can I cope, house is a mess.  I am too ill to cook and have a bath or shower.  Want to curl up and die .  Leave me alone.

I have walked a miles in the shoes.  Had to do something.  Make initial plan each day .  Have planning in a diary.  Make a plan today on Wednesday will do this if I can.

Say when I am going to eat.  How and when who cares if it is lunch time breakfast.  I do not get wound up.  Mostly I need to know if I do not eat.  Going to be ill and worse.

I have mini meals in the fridge simple to do and are filling.  Plus in the freezer the same.  Understand I do not wish to eat some days but I have to because.  If I do not then I know I am going to be ill and make myself worse.

See my posts.

That is another solution have a coping box .  Put in it what helps you through the day.  Is it a favourite book or poem.  Favourite CD or music.  Favourite things to wear.  Things to comfort and ease the stress the strain of the illness.  Scented oils candles and bath foam.  Have a small booklet of numbers of familiar friends who you can rely on for help and support.  If having a bad day.

Make a scrap book of memories that you treasure is another solution.

Lot of it is to find the advice and comfort you need.

Please come on here to chat and get support as you all have done.

I have five amazing wonderful friends who I use the messaging service.

We all support and help each other.

That helps me as I help them.. 

Take care

The one and only Spiceman

susan48

Victoriad,
I hate labels but if you don’t have a proper diagnosis then it’s hard to tell people, government people.
they want labels.

hope your doing ok x

Barbiesnemesis

@thespiceman Thank you for your advice. 

thespiceman

Hello @Barbiesnemesis Thank you.  Always try my best to help many people as I can.

I do know life is not easy and I understand that.

Keep in touch and always here to listen.

Take care

janejr

I find writing down all the things that are in my head.  Bad thoughts , not wanting to carry on , struggling taking care of myself and my home. Been bad of late. So frustrated not being able to do things , makes me want to scream. 
Yesterday I was just functioning and trying to pretend all was ok. Then something stupid happened and sent my mood tumbling back down. The blooding washing line broke and my bed sheets went on the mud. Couldn't fix the washing line, was something I would have managed easily , but couldn't now. Nobody wants to feel useless. Have to wait for other people to help me and it kills me inside. 
Music is a good escape. Love to float of to better place when I listen to music and in my head I can sing and dance. Sorry for being a moaned everyone. I should be trying to help motivate you all. 

Just having a bad day. Sunny me will be back soon x

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janejr

Hi @Victoriad thank you for the grape I've been a miserable moaner for a few days. You know how it goes , I'm going to crawl out of my black hole and get my head on track x

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janejr

Thank you @Victoriad I'm having a bad day. I was chatting to a friend and they bought back memories that I'd rather not have. I was married to a wife beating control freak for 20years. It got really bad for me at the end of the relationship and I was frightened for my life. I've had a little cry about the things I went through. Makes me grateful for what I have now. That was then and my life is free of all the fear I had then. I'm safe. Thank you Victoria. I feel much better now. I'm damaged but I'm free

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Waylay

 Hugs to all. @janejr I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I was in a 3-year live-in relationship with an abusive arseh*let too. He ground me down to almost nothing with his emotional, verbal, and sexual abuse. I'm lucky that I was starting to understand what was happening when he hit me for the first time, so I left. It took me years to get back to being me, and I've never been quite the same. But good for you! You survived! You're living your life!

shazier

i can relate to  this. I ws diagnosed as having severe depression after 4  attemts of suicide back in 2004. i also hear voices, bees buzzing inside my head and seeing a black cat. will try and keep my story  short, my first baby died in 1978 of a heart condition and she underwent surgery at just over 5 and half weeks old, unfortunately she died on the operation table. i never got over this but eventally learnt to live with it. as time went on i coped better but she was always in my thoughts and still is. then in 2002 my husband discovered that alder hey hospital still had her internal organs. the alder hey organ retention  was allover the new,  the nightmares began. i couldnt function,i was trying to hold my job down but  i was reliving the whole event over again. loosing a child is unbearable and then finding out they stripped her of her organs, starting the grieving process all over again. after i think 2 yrs we got her organs back apart from her brain and had to have a second funeral to bury them and eventually put her body at rest. i had a grandchild by then and when sleeping i would have nightmares that doctors were chasing me down the street trying to get my grandsons organs. i was running and hiding with him, the nightmares went on for months. then to top it all of, i had a motor bike accident, approx beginning of 2003, that was the last time i worked, my health went from bad to worse both physically and mentally. i put myself to bed and didnt leave my bedroom, i had no motivation to do anything, i felt useless, i didnt want to see or talk with anyone, i didnt eat and became weaker and weaker, i had become institutionalized in my own bedroom. It was then when i made the decision to take my own life, i was so depresed that i didnt want to live anymore, I was admitted onto the mental health unit as i had failed to end my life, my husband came home early that day as he had a strange feeling. that wa my first attempt but wasnt on the ward for very long, then another attempt failed, then another and the last attempt was serious enough to keep me on the ward for just over 6months. i almost died. I was on stronger medication. approx 2 yrs after my marriage of almost 28 yrs i think came to an end. I lost that too. I started having panic attacks,and anxiety attacks
, i devoloped  an eating disorder, agoraphobia  and then, my physical health. i was diagnosed severe anxiety along with severe depression.with fibro and arthrus and as the months and yrs went by other diognoses.to. i can still feel life is to much of a struggle and have thought about ending my life on many occasions. i have to fight these feelings, i now have 9 beautiful  grandchildren, i am lucky enough to still have both my parent, but my dad has alziemers and my mum has Parkinson's. my brother lives with them but i worry constantly at what is going to become of them,they are both now 80. i struggle to look after myself and feel extremly guilty that i am unable to help my parents out like my brother does.this to affects my depression. ending on a better note, i do try my best not to dig a hole  to big to climb out of again. my parents are not completely  house bound yet and they visit me on a reg bases, reading about other people problems makes me realize that we can help each other

janejr

Hello @shazier you have suffered a lot of pain and I'm so sorry you had to go through all this. Life is never easy and sometimes I catch myself saying why me. But then I hear your story and others who have been through such tough times and I see we all bear pain and sufferings. 
I look at other people and think they must have good lives as they are fit healthy and appear happy. But then we don't know do we really, what struggles and hurt they have had.
I no longer say why me as feel guilty. I've had a good physical life up to when I was 50 so that was a good run. I now have OA in all of my joints and a disk desease in my back , pain 24/7 with depression and anxiety. I follow a children's cancer charity on FB , now there's something I couldn't cope with. So I try not saying why me anymore. You too lost a child that must be the hardest pain to ever bear.

You are amongst friends here on scope , we all her trying to cope with what ever ails us and all try to help each other. Please stay in touch and I'm here if you ever need to chat.

shazier

thank you so much and bless you.I am so  sorry for your suffering to, 
 I to am guilty of saying why me, when I look at the pain some young children have to  go through and just how brave they can be,  then I say
, I would take there pain as well as my own if i could, it can be so heartbreaking. Yes i  suffer allot of pain in my life now but, like you,  i had a good life until I reached i think, 42 apart from losing my daughter, which f course is a totally different pain and is the worse pain ever at the time but, it does get easier but that pain crops up for the rest of our life and we learn to live with it. I was just 18 when she died so not very old myself either... this was the first real tragedy in my life but  Iv also had a fair good run to.   i have 4 children now 3 daughter and one son... now all adults and 9 adorable grandchildren, youngets just 7weeks old...unfortunately my son is an alcholc and also mental and physical issues and hes only 38:) he to has to claim pip.
I have to be honest, i dont really mix with anyone anymore and do get very anxious at the thought of chatting and it is  difficult chatting but, I'm feeling allot more relaxed on her than when i first came on, i was desperate for answers and help, im hoping i can keep chatting, im gong to have my bad days with my depression ect but, feel quite proud that i have chatted in the first place) this is a big step for me. i was always a very chatty person and would write a book when messaging others on a pc, im allot slower now as i have to stop and start becasue i to have arthritis which affect all my joints apart from my abows. Its taken me awhile to write this and my back is also say, shut up now, your note is turning into a story lol. so im going to stop again and take a rest, iv had my sleeping pills to and still wide awake. well it be great fro me chatting i really hope i can keep this up and make some lovely friends, everyone has been so kind that iv chatted to s0 far....you take care of yourself, thank you again for your lovely message and hope to chat.

janejr

Hello @shazier I'm glad you've joined us it's a great site and I get a lot of comfort being able to chat to people on here as we are all in the same boat and can relate to each others problems. I can honestly say it's only on here that people understand me. My family try and so does my partner but they don't get it. I get sick of hearing myself saying I'm in pain as it's 24/7. There is so many things need doing around my home it depresses me that I can't do it. I don't want to wait for other people to do it if they've got time I want to do it myself. I used to be fiercely independent never asked anyone for help. Frustrated is how I feel mostly that and tired. It's 4.39 and I'm still awake my body hurts and my brain won't switch off. Going to takes my meds and hope I knock out . Sorry for the moan I'm really glad you've found scope and when we chat again I will try not to be a moaner (lack of sleep no good for me). Will probably sleep most of the bank holiday lol 

shazier

hi janej, its getting late and i really want to reply now but, my back feels like its breking in half and the mment and relly burning so, im going to reply to your message tomoz, iv been sat at the pc to long and now im relly suffering for it, it really is time for me to come of and go to bed. i took my night meds ages ago but they dnt really help much. pleae dnt think im answering, i willl chat tomoz:) you plese dont apologise for the little moan, its not moaning its just gettingthings of your chet which we all need to do from time to time:) so happy to of found the group and i am feeling a little more relazed communication as its something i d fnd very difficult useally, maybe this is just wht i needed. cht tome and you take carex

shazier

hi janejr, sorry for late reply. Please don't worry about the moaning, i dont call it as moaning its letting of steam which i think we all need to or we would go crazy. like you i was very independent and get sick of me to but, when we're in so much pain 24/7 its difficult not to express ourselves... we shouldnt worry about, it better to let it out than keep it in, as for the house work, what is that ? I live alone now so i have somene come in once a fortnight to clean the floors,  bathroom good hoovering ect i can no longer do it and was always very house proud. we have to accept that we can n longer do what we used to do, stressing over it just makes us worse. we all have differant standards and being ms house proud for me has long gone. im stressing about the decorating at the moment, her that is say dont stress over the house lol im due to have my bathroom done by the housig soon, there knocking my toilet and bathroom all into oe as you cant swing in a cat around in any room, its very difficult for my daughter helping me in such a small bathroom, when i say small i mean small, bath sink and no room for anything eles so, when shes helping me o n the electric chair to get into the bath and then out, its so frustating because i have to come out of the bathroom and into the loungeto  get dried and dress, there just int the room for two. so if my parts or friend comes while im in the middle of bathing, they have to go nd sit in the kitchen while in getting dried and dressed, very funny design my house but, on the good side, its on ground level and i dont have to move out. its very difficult and painful  using the stairs and the stairs are to narrow to have a stair lift put in, they wont put me a purching stool due to having dizzy spell, yes i go dizzy but im not going to fall of the stool, my daughter will be with, on days when i can barley move at all i sleep downstairs and never go up stair alone. I have fallen down them far to many time. Anyway iv got side tract here about the house. mine need decorating so badly and that does get me down, my brother i s coming to do downstairs during the summer, hopefully the bathroom will be completed. another problem i do have is athma and copd so, im going to be stuck upstairs for a few days with a potty lol. we have to ty and keep ur sence of humour, my depression at the moment is quite stable so, im making the most of the chatting at the moment, x 

susan48

Life sucks

shazier

do you want t chat susan48 im a good listener

shazier

i will be here for about another half hr then i will need to come of as I've sat to long now and in quite allot of discomfort and i can hardly feel my fingrers.

susan48

@shazier, 
im so low just now, so much negative stuff happening and I don’t kmoe what to do.

its my youngest grandsons 1st Birthday today and Iv only seen him 3 times in his short life, it’s my fault, Iv social anxiety and depression, 

theres a court case next week, the person pleaded guilty to harassment etc and finally after 3 years of torment he will probably get a slap on the wrist.

im really struggling every day when all I was is peace , a long long sleep

shazier

Hi susan48, how are you feeling today? You really must try not to feel guilty about not being able to see your grandson as often as you would like to,its not your fault that you suffer from these conditions, you didn't ask for them, none of us  do... when we suffer from social anxiety depression, agoraphobia etc it is not that easy to just walk out of the door and go out like we used to.Hopefully, your daughter or son understands your health conditions. Could your daughter/ son maybe bring him to see you maybe once a week, fortnight or month? my kids understand my health problem
and will ask me if I want the little ones up, if I'm having a better day its lovely to see them but, they have to bring them to my house. 
without being noisy over the harassment court case, I truly hope you get a good result and find some peace over it.
please take care of your self and try to relax a little, ths is coming from someone that's one of the biggest stress heads going lol easy said than done i know 
xx

susan48

@shazier,

thanks for for your message. I can’t even remember writing what I did!,

my son doesn’t understand but my daughter in law does try.

The court case was today, don’t know the result, computers down, but will try and find out tomorrow.

i just want peace, you’ll understand that I’m sure.

you will never know how much it means to me your message. Thank you sooooo much. 

I do hope you are coping ok 

Susan

shazier

susan48
 im trying my hardest to occupy my mind at the moment susan, I'm struggling getting around at the moment and in an awful lot of pain so its taking me ages to type to but, being back on the pc is helping a little by distracting me and keeping my brain ticking a little. also helping a little with  just reading other peoples post and knowing im not on my own struggling through life. I am the kind of person that likes to help others, i have always been like that so, if i can help someone with just one message,  i have achieved something and that makes me feel a little better knowing that i might have brought comfort to someone. I'm trying to help others and hopefully, that will help me just as much:)

I do understand that you want peace and know exactly what you mean.xx
I'm more than happy to chat with you when Im able.
If i don't get straight back, please don't think i don't care or cant be bothered., I just struggling too much some days and its not always easy for me chat. feel free to private message me if you like then i cant miss any of your messages.:)
shaz xxx

shazier

what i meant by private message is inbox me

susan48

@shazier,

your a treasure x

im pretty drained today but hopefully when I get the court resultit will hopefully put that to rest.

please don’t give it a second thought, I know people on this forum genuinely care and are a lifeline.

A massive thanks to you and everyone.

I also am her to listen, anytime.
as like you, I may not reply straight away but I try and will as soon as I can.

too much anxuand stress today so going to try to sleep!

Take cars and I Sincerely thank you x

shazier

susan 48
bless you and thank you so much also..fingers crossed for the tomoz or should i say my arms at the moment, i really hope you get the result you deserve from the court. Hopefully, you will sleep through tonight, sleep tight night night and thank you so much for your friendships, i really do appreciate it. xx 

Yadnad

Depression, lacking motivation I have felt like that since the mid 90's. There is a reason for it which I accept but more importantly I just knew I had to find a way out of it. There was no magic cure for me. Years of counselling, engagement with the Mental Health system, spending time under section in a locked ward, you name it all added to the feelings of not believing in myself - no self worth.

Then eight years ago someone asked me why was I wasting my time away. For the first time I opened up to him explaining where I thought the source came from. Eventually with his support I learned that whilst I can't change the events I can do something about how I live my life with past events.

He suggested that I should go along to a PTA meeting with him in the local primary school. After about 6 months I started to enjoy meeting people that were previously strangers and learning how to cope and adapt to the world around me.

Cut a long story short, it was the children that made a difference to me. Eventually I was voted to be the chairman. Then three years ago the then mayor who was someone I had met previously suggested that I would make a good town councillor as I had the community in my heart.

So in May 2015 I signed up and went to the count. I stood as an independent and not expecting anything to come of it. I was elected, in fact with the second highest number of votes knocking off two long standing Tory town councillors.

I have never looked back, I have adapted my life to be able to cope. Yes I still get depressed but I now see it as not helping me go forwards. My life still has restrictions but with determination I find ways around the feeling of loneliness and depression.

Going forward I will be standing again next May as a town councillor  AND as a councillor for the District! 

I may bear the physical scars of the event, but the mental ones I have put in a box that I no longer need to open. I know that they are there but as time goes on they become less intrusive.

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Yadnad

Thanks. I had to dig deep, too deep and distressing at times. All of the professional help I have had meant nothing in the end. As you say it is down to the individual to want to do something about it. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't a strong person I just needed that bit of a push to get the ball rolling. Small steps - big mountains!
I am still fearful when I hear a loud bang, but no longer go into the flight or fight scenario. 
If what I have done helps just one person to start to believe in themselves  then I am a very happy guy.

flynn18

Hi suffer with depression and anxiety and yes it's horrid I call mine the devil on my back any tips I can offer is meditation it helps me I use one to guide healing angels through to help me been using it now for 2 nights  and it' helping me its' on YouTube xx