Do assessors spy on these sites?

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sleepy1

???

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sleepy1

@Victoriad, Oh okay, I just read the thread and the posts did not seem to have anything to do with the question.

romatarot

Victoriad said:

Hello @whistles
Theres quite a big difference between being a dedicated Gym Bunny and posting total daft banter in this site......it’s not as if we are sharing all our snaps of us all competing against each other in the Intergalactic Olympics 

Ditto ......snaps of us......walking across the Sea of Galilee.......( now that would be a miracle of modern medicine,)

I found a video of some science students who mixed corn starch into water (ratio escapes me now ) but if force is applied, it behaves like a solid so they were walking on it! When they relaxed,, they sank into it.  I'll try and find it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RIUEZ3AhrVE    Here you go.

Waylay

I've been really paranoid that the DWP is surveilling me. I doubt they are, because they awarded me 0 points, so what would be the point? But high anxiety, BPD... I get paranoid. Vven when I'm in my kitchen, which has no curtains, I think, "God, they can see in here and see that I'm making coffee! ****!" The thing is, I *can* make coffee. That doesn't mean that I can cook! But that fear is there...

The thing is, my conditions are really variable! I'm always very clear about that, but we all know how they are. So if they were watching me, they wouldn't see me for days because I was stuck in bed, or my room, or in the house. Then I'd have a good pain and mental health day, and think, I'm going to walk to the shop! Out of food, and it'll do me good! Even though I almost always have to stop a few times and lean up against a wall, or crouch down and stretch my back a bit, I try very hard to hide my pain (if people ask if I'm OK when I'm resting, I just say that I have a muscle cramp or something). So you know what they'd think. Look at her! she doesn't seem anxious! She doesn't look like she's in pain! What about those days when I walk that last 60m without taking a break? I did that the other day because a spasm was already starting, and I figured taking a break might mean I'd get stuck in spasm in the street, which I'm terrified of. It makes me feel so vulnerable. So I pushed through. I paid for it tho.

It's stupid, because I'm scrupulously honest on my forms and in my assessments. At the last assessment I think I was unclear about a couple of things, but I was on so much medication that I was having to work really hard to be coherent. I couldn't remember a bunch of things, and I had to keep on looking stuff up in my forms.

He asked if this was a bad day, and I said, "Er, yeah". The thing is, on bad days I usually can't get out of bed, but I *had* to get to the assessment! My partner and friend helped me to get ready, got me into the car, drove me there, held my hand, helped me out of the car, etc., but I don't usually lean on people or hold onto them when moving, because if they move in an unexpected way it can cause a little jerking motion, and that can cause a spasm, or make one worse, so I walked into the building myself (leaned on the wall at one point, I think), and I walked to the assessment room by myself (definitely leaned on the wall that time).

The only way I managed the assessment at all was by taking all my pain meds: paracetamol, naproxen, gabapentin, 150mg of tramadol, and 9mg of diazepam (I'm really sensitive to it - I don't think I've ever taken that much before - usually I take less than 2mg, and unless my anxiety is incredibly bad it knocks me out for 6ish hours). Also my usual venlafaxine and lamotrigine.The only thing I didn't take was my Oramorph, because that knocks me out cold, and also causes horrendous attacks of GERD; I was worried that I wouldn't be able to get to the assessment on it. I took more tramadol during the assessment, and more diazepam in the waiting room beforehand. I had a hot pack stuck to the inside of my shirt, I was getting up and stretching every 8 minutes (pacing, and it kept the spasm from getting any worse), but the only reason I was able to do that was the enormous dose of diazepam. I was in really bad pain, and so anxious I felt like I was going to have a heart attack. I think my insane anxiety level was the only reason I was capable of moving and talking, but I was *very* fuzzy. I worried about that so much afterward! Of course, the assessor didn't ask what meds I was on, and I completely forgot to mention it, so I think he assumed that I was lying about it being a bad day, or how bad my bad days are. I passed out in the car on the way home, went straight to bed afterward, and was in bed for... not sure? A couple of days? Three? I should have written it down.

They never seem to think about what they're seeing, or bother asking the questions that would let them understand... If they were surveiling me, I'm sure they'd interpret it badly, even though I'm honest about my limits and function. Argh! I don't trust them at all, and so even thinking about it makes me so much more anxious.... The idea that they're reading my social media terrifies me. They seem to (purposefully? ignorantly?) misinterpret everything we do...

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Waylay

I do see a psychiatrist through the BPD service, but only half an.hour every 3 months, and the service is closing soon. I also have Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and am being assessed for C-PTSD soon. Oh, and chronic pain. 

Unfortunately, I'm not sick enough to have a care coordinator, or get any therapy through the (pretty useless) BPD service, but too sick ('cause BPD is scary!) for a CPN, IAPT, or any other service.

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whistles

sleepy1 said:

@Victoriad, Oh okay, I just read the thread and the posts did not seem to have anything to do with the question.

That's because I mentioned a film called The Truman Show. It's a science fiction about a character who is watched his whole life. 
@Victoriad just mentioned they would look out for it in the charity shops. 
EBay is my go to for 99p dvds. I reckon you could get it.

We are not watched but we are if you know what I mean.

Waylay

No worries @Victoriad !

sandyp196

I'm so confused. I started this post but it doesn't seem to be the same post. I can't cope with this kind of confusion and am worrying I'm having an episode.  Please can someone explain to me before I freak out.  Is this thread confusinG to other people or just to me.  I can't cope with confusion today. 

susan48

@sandyp196
what are you confused about?

sandyp196

susan48 said:

@sandyp196
what are you confused about?

It's ok now. Someone kindly explained to me that I'm on the second page of the thread. I didn't realise that. Thank you for replying. Phew. It's been a long day.

whistles

Some threads do go slightly ot, but the general thinking I believe was probably not.

I can't keep up with my replies, how can anyone else. Nobody except me knows what I was thinking or feeling at that given moment- and that's questionable with my **** memory anyway.