Disabled people
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Suziblu2Suziblu2 Member Posts: 11 Connected
edited March 2018 in Disabled people
I am so angry I want to cry, scream and shout the house down.  My younger brother suffered a major stroke 18 months ago, although he is paralysed down one side, some bright spark gave him a manual wheelchair, they also decided to house him in a bungalow not suitable for disabled people, consequently he can't have a mobility scooter., so he is marooned and isolated.  To add insult to injury the door to his bunglow is automatic, it stopped working so a contractor was sent to repair it, whilst he was there he asked my brother if he was drunk   I am beyond angry, my lovely handsome brother has been left cruelly dusabled in the prime of his life, he can speak six languages, and some idiot asks him if he's drunk.  Oh the indignity,  he suffers on a daily basis, he smokes 3 or 4 roll ups per day, so in the morning the carer puts his jacket on for him, but then he has to stay in his coat all day   I feel so sad for him, I can't help or protect him as I live 350 miles away from him - surely this is not the way disabled people should be treated.  Lastly he has no family network as my elderly parents live 100's of miles away, although they do all they can for hin...Sorry I just had to vent my spleen.


  • susan48susan48 Member Posts: 2,229 Disability Gamechanger
    That’s disgusting, I would report him, clearly your brother is in a wheelchair and it’s visible he is disabled.
    People are so cruel.
    Has he not got anyone else coming in during the day, evening.

    vent away
  • Suziblu2Suziblu2 Member Posts: 11 Connected
    Hi Susan, He does gave a key worker and I've told him to report this issue to her.  My parents are trying to get him moved to a Housing Association who have extra care properties, but no vacancies at the moment
  • susan48susan48 Member Posts: 2,229 Disability Gamechanger
    Housing shortages are awful, i now first hand, ended up in homeless accommodation with 2 children.
    would a move closer to you or your parents not be an idea if that would work, there are maybe more suitable care properties 
  • Suziblu2Suziblu2 Member Posts: 11 Connected
    Hi Susan yes that's what my parents are trying to do, but it's a case of waiting for a property to become available.
  • susan48susan48 Member Posts: 2,229 Disability Gamechanger
    Hopefully not. Long wait.
    your brother definitely needs more car in place, instead of building reatail parks everywhere, they should building homes for both able bodied and disabled people.
    have you written or emailed or spoke to CAB or your local MP? Might be worth a try as I could imagine your brothers mental health will also be suffering, being so isolated 
  • Suziblu2Suziblu2 Member Posts: 11 Connected
    Hi Susan
    My parents have talked to everyone,  and all have agreed that he has to be moved, but it's just waiting for that property to become available, I will be so relieved.
    I am also very proud if him, as he tokd the contractor he'd suffered a stroke, and then ordered him out of his home, and told him he was very rude 
  • susan48susan48 Member Posts: 2,229 Disability Gamechanger
    Well done him for putting that ignorant man in his place.
    i hope your brother doesn’t have to wait long, did whey give you a time frame for availability?
  • zacthezebrazacthezebra Member Posts: 31 Connected
    I am sorry to hear of your brothers plight hopefully a permanent property will be found soon. I totally understand your anger. I had a visit from contractors to carry out work on my HA property. They wanted to make an appointment I told them I suffer from ill health which is unpredictable the reply "you don't look ill".

  • Gary1Gary1 Member Posts: 1 Listener
    Hi I'm new here..but absolutely fuming reading this.Try and find out the name of the contractor if you can and report him..The scumbag (keeping it clean)deserves sacking.
  • Suziblu2Suziblu2 Member Posts: 11 Connected
    Hi Gary

    My brother got his name, and has the same view as you, so I am hoping either he or his key worker will put a complaint in.
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  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @Suziblu2 Pleased to meet you welcome.  I am sorry this is happening to your brother.  I feel for you.

    I do think the contracter should be reported and dealt with.  I am in a housing association property and I hate strangers especially ignorant workmen.  Had similar incidents over the years.

    I must say straight away the housing your brother has got does not seem fit for purpose.  I am sorry angry for you and upset.  Also feel the responsibility l feel is again the system in this country.

    All disabled and mentally ill should be given the right to live in accommodation fit for purpose.

    Unfortunately with the Social Care system over whelmed and over burden and plus budget restrictions.  We as a community are finding a home to live in unsuitable.

    Please can I suggest speaking to the people who are providing the accommodation.  Try to find some support for your brother beside what is provided.  Contact local charities that are available to help.

    The Stroke Association maybe speak to them.  Ask their advice.  They are charities out there to help and advise.

    Just because you brother is getting support .  It is the right support that you need.  The support should be benefited to you and your family to help your brother.  Also support that is agreed by you.  Also by him as well.  That is practical and worth while meaning full life.

    I have had friends who are disabled and due to illness.  Of no fault of their own.  Which means they get steam rollered by the Council or other providers.  I have met them their one day out at disabled centres.

    Trying to put their problems across.  Then I listen get involved and this ends up me being not only talking to who concerned.  Looking at options.  Advocates.  Charities who can help the individual. 

    Been called all sorts by people who are in jobs worth employment who consider me a nuisance.  I say do your job.  This is what happening right now because there are people in the sector who are underpaid and do not care.

    I have met many of friends who are sitting in their jim jams ringing me up.  Asking where is my health worker support worker.  Need breakfast, need this now.  I live up the road or just a distance away.  She arrives late I am making breakfast..  I do not mind but have done everything from a shave to giving them a wash to a getting them dressed.  All waiting for staff to arrive.

    Arguments ensue between me and her and the individual.  Unfortunately my mobile goes off constantly and some days I can not will not answer.  Usually because of the disgraceful behaviour of the people who do this supposed care profession.

    Not because I do wish to.  Am ill myself and have my own problems.

    Please understand this I tried to get employment in the care profession a long time ago.  Told disabled do not look after disabled.  Much to my chagrin and horror.

    I said I have been doing this for a long time.  Just understand this I am disabled myself and have mental illness.  Got and have had many friends of our community.

    I get so annoyed the degrading of our people.  The humiliation.  Please try to speak all involved.  By being a person who is strong and start to fight you will succeed.

    A lad who I met on Wednesday telling me his brother comes out of hospital.  Got nothing, no aftercare.  What to do?  Where to go?  Been told by the hospital he has to move in with you.  You have to do it.

    Amazed I said good god so I said .  So that is what he has to do.  No choice.

    That is what is happening.

    Please take care am here to listen

    Sorry long post am in your corner as all of our community is.

    The one and only Spiceman
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
  • Suziblu2Suziblu2 Member Posts: 11 Connected
    Ty Spiceman, whilst my brother has been left horribly disabled, he dors try desperately to deal with issues himself, I suppose it gives him a sense of independence, but I will speak to him today, and offer my help.

    I just can't bear the thought of him being all alone, miles from anywhere (he's been housed in a small village outside Scarborough, half a mile from a shop, so even going out in his wheel chair, going that far with one arm must be a feat of human endurance!
  • Richard_ScopeRichard_Scope Posts: 2,733

    Scope community team

    Hi @Suziblu2
    Good to meet you. I am disappointed to read what your brother has experienced with one particular contractor. This is what Scope is working hard towards. Equality for everybody. 
    Has your brother had an assessment of his needs by an Occupational Therapist? I have included a link to some information about OTs here and a link to a Stroke Support group near your brother, the link is here
    Don't ever worry about venting to us! That's what we're here for.

    Stay in touch.
    Specialist Information Officer - Cerebral Palsy

    Want to tell us about your experience on the community? Talk to our chatbot and let us know. 
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @Suziblu2 Thank you for reply.  That is good he tries to help himself.  The point I am trying put across.  When he needs help and support .  It should be provided for.  With compassion and concern and caring.

    You have been a rock and as any member of any family should be.

    My concern is also for you.  Anxiety and the mental strength you need right now is important.  Make sure you do not try to make yourself ill.  It can happen so please be aware of you.

    You are important to him, you need to think about how and when you can be their for him.

    I do know this happening more your situation.

    I have said that.

    I had a friend as I said in a rural village miles away and no services.  So I understand your concern.  Again seek information and guidance to his welfare.

    Advocacy could be a solution.  Someone speak on his behalf who has his needs and gives him a voice.

    Please find and ask for help and support.

    Take care
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
  • Suziblu2Suziblu2 Member Posts: 11 Connected
    Hi Spicenan my father is his advocate i.e he ensures all his bills are paid, and he speaks on my brothers behalf, he can be a pit bull lol.  Unfortunately pitbull or not my dad has just entered his 80's and has just undergone a quadruple by pass.

    I suppose what hurts and upsets me the most is to think of this handsome intelligent man is marooned in the back of beyond without company of his own age.  He'd love to have a friend to go to the pub with and have a pie and a pint, or discuss photography.  Sadly all he has are his 4 walls   I think if it were me I would be suicidal.
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @Suziblu2     Thank you for reply and sharing.  This is common what you are saying.  The situation you are as a family are dealing with

    I live alone have no support, only calls few and far between only when.  What I call fairweather friends.  Understand this am lonely and cope by trying to be here to sort myself out.

    I am a gentleman of early fifties and have now come to realise as I grow older the isolation is becoming too obvious.  So I have to try to make the best of it.

    I have disability mental issues and do find this helps me day to day.  To talk.

    Would it be possible for him to use a computer to access this site.  There are many people like your brother.  I am one who use this site to form friendships.

    Finding a right balance of support and being their for your brother.  That is important.

    Please try to get as I and others suggested support and much help you can get.  Be advised if you wish not to.  My worry when the time comes to ask for the support and help.  It may not be forth coming.

    This is as I have said to the system is over burden and stretched to its limits.  Speaking to one who knows.

    I do understand you and know this is not easy.

    I myself shock people who knew me a long time ago.  Saw me the other day and this lad .  Knew me then  saw in his eyes a old man.  With skinny frame all blighted by disability and addiction.

    Charming I thought but that is him, I think of how I am.  That is the point how does he feel himself.

    I can understand that as well.  You need to talk small steps at a time.

    This is a struggle all of us have to take.  Regardless of disability or illness.

    Please take care.  If he does get on line .  I would love to be his friend.

    The one and only Spiceman
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
  • Suziblu2Suziblu2 Member Posts: 11 Connected
    Thank you Spiceman you sound very nice.  I haven't told my brother of my sadness or that I have turned to this group for help.  He may not be best pleased, so I will keep it to myself for now.
    I did contact someone in Scarboro about a befriending service for him, but there was only one young male and he was really busy.

    I arranged for a mobility company to visit him for a test drive, which my brother loved, and thought it would give him the independence he craved.  4 weeks went by and nothing was heard, so my dad rang them, and he was told that the salesman who attended didn't have the courage to tell my brother that the scooter wouldn't fit in the property!!! You couldn't make all this up could you?  So at every twist and turn my brother is being let down!

  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @Suziblu2 Thank you for reply.  Thank you for comments.  I try much as I can to be polite, kind and well charming.  You should not be worried telling your brother about this site.

    I would be pleased if I had a sister like you.  You are kind and caring.  That is the main point.

    We all need support.  We are all understanding and have genuine concern.  This  incident is all wrong but it is happening all the time.  The amount of posts and threads on the subject.

    I could fill a exercise book with what has happened to me.  

    I have been involved in befriending services as volunteering.  I do know the pressures they are all on and under funded.  

    I know the area of Scarboro and the outlying villages.  I used to go there a lot.  Usually holidays.

    I live in the North East.

    Struggling regions are all the same, lack of support and budget cuts. 

    Please take care

    Am here if you wish to talk or your brother

    Always in my prayers and thoughts.

    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
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