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Disrespectful to the disabled or just usual behaviour?

feirfeir Member Posts: 396 Pioneering
So the weather is nice and the neighbours are out for the first time this year and already someones ball has ended up in my garden. i can't throw them back but if someone else is here they can and i told this to the person asking for their ball and they just said that's ok i'll just go in your garden and get it, but i meant they'll have to wait until someone else is here to throw their ball back. I never said they could go in my garden and feel like they feel they can do whatever they want just because i'm disabled.

Is this normal for able bodied people also or am i just being treated like i don't matter because i have a disability and people can do whatever they want without taking my feelings into consideration? This has made me annoyed.

Replies

  • MisscleoMisscleo Member Posts: 646 Pioneering
    Its disability hate crime and you must get the police and a councilor to go and tell.thst person to STOP.
    If they they were behaving in that way cos you were black or Jewish
     The police would say its racism and doing it cos your disabled is disability hate crime.
    They KNOW you are disabled..
    So you cant defend yourself. Thats what hate crime IS. 
    Call the police and wjich ever councillor you can talk to
  • feirfeir Member Posts: 396 Pioneering
    It definitely was rude, i feel more like they were just ignorant and felt like they could do whatever they wanted just because i can't do it. They have to climb into my garden to get in so it's not like it's easily accessible. I think i will mention it to the police as my fence has been damaged by someone climbing in previously and when my shed kept getting broken into they helped with that so they'll probably do something.
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @feir lovely to meet you again.  Wondering where you have been. Missed by me anyway. Like your comments and have not seen you on the forum for a while. Hope you are OK, can understand if not too well.

     This is not pleasant is it these neighbours. So sorry I can understand your anger and frustration.

    Antisocial behaviour. Understand sometimes we all of us our community feel that.  They have no idea they are causing many associated problems or issues.   Easy to walk over and to hoodwink and to deceive. Dealing with difficult people is hard and not easy.

    I had the answer that is speak to the police. Most police stations have Hate crime officers on their premises. I know because I have them on speed dial all the time.

    Even visiting me a couple of times, discussing it to neighbours where ever I have lived.

    Used to keep logs and diaries in case I need discussions or talk to the Unit.

    Another sensible thing I have done on their advice.

    Please I hope this not cause you to be ill. I know it can cause anxiety and stress.

    Take care

    Always in my thoughts and prayers

    @thespiceman
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
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  • feirfeir Member Posts: 396 Pioneering
    Hi @thespiceman
    My mental health has been terrible and i did not feel like socialising or reaching out to anyone but thanks for thinking about me. I feel ok for the time being, pretty tired right now but trying to stay awake a little longer although i don't think i'll  manage it.

    That's two of you now said go to the police and you're right i don't feel safe here and feel very vulnerable with being a single parent and very disabled at this time so i will definitely do that. I wouldn't have thought to do that myself.

    Hope you're doing ok? I'll probably be back on here tomorrow, or later on tonight if the sleep does not go as planned.
     





  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @feir Thanks for reply my friend. All of us who have mental illness have concerned thoughts and emotions and feelings.

    This is why I use this to chat, help others.

    The police these days are very aware of people in the community who have mental health issues. Their vulnerability the way they are and how can as a community integrate if that is possible.

    When I lived else where had a Community Support Officer visit regular. This has a astounding effect on the neighbours who causing anti social behaviour.

    Basically it stopped. 

    I do know how hard it is to be a single parent. My personal story used to look after friends children.

    Many were single mothers. 

    Please can I ask who is supporting you at present.

    Do you need support with your mental health?

    Consider can be worth while looking at charities see how they can help.

    Hope any of this helps.

    Good to hear from you

    Take care
    @thespiceman
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
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  • lillybellelillybelle Member Posts: 458 Pioneering
    Is there any chance of putting cctv on your back garden for proof to show police
    you can buy them quite cheap now.

  • sandyp196sandyp196 Member Posts: 133 Pioneering
    I live in an upstairs flat and my garden is downstairs and has no fencing.  I also have a communal path so it's difficult to fence in the garden and create physical boundaries. My neighbour downstairs has three kids and loads of visitors. Tonight she had a bbq in my garden because I had my grass cut this week and hers is 2 ft tall and full of dog mess. My garden is also full of her dogs mess. But they are all still out there drinking and screaming and I'm guessing my garden will be a mess in the morning that I will have to clean. This happened all through the summer last year (the dog mess all year round). I did complain and she kicked my door and hit me. 
    On the council's advice I reported it to the police. The police said I had no proof.  She told the police I'm a nutter who makes her life hell. I op don't even know her. I just refused to keep lending her money because I never got it back. 
    The council doesn't care. 
    I had a phone call from victim support.  They were supposed to phone me back and come and visit me. They never did. 
    Her reasoning for using my garden is that I shouldnt be in a two bedroom flat as I have no children living here and she has 3, and they used my garden before I moved here. 
    I told the police the council told me to report her hitting me under 'hate crimes'. The police were really annoyed with me and said they were busy and I needed to try and deal with it and not be so sensitive. 
    I feel like the council set me up for that and knew how the police would react. 
    When the police went to speak to her she said I threatened to kill her. Absolute lies.I,  terrified of her and all her gang. But the police said if they arrested her they would also have to arrest me. 
    I suffer from agarophobia. There is no way I can be arrested. 
    Anyway all that was last year. I have seen much of her through the winter.  But there is a fire going in my garden and all my washing is on the line. It's been going on since about 5pm this afternoon. 
    Very stressfuL.  
  • lillybellelillybelle Member Posts: 458 Pioneering
    Is there a chance of being rehoused
    if you have a window set a camera up to record them. And report it to the council.
    the main thing you need is proof.
    and photograph any damage by fires, dog mess etc.

  • feirfeir Member Posts: 396 Pioneering
    @thespiceman A few years ago there was a lot of anit-social behaviour on my street but i wasn't involved in it as i keep myself to myself and have done for a while now. But the police were constantly around to sort it out. Only took them a year to sort it, which i do think is good because neighbour disputes can go on for years until one of them  moves out, they never get kicked out.

    I agree with @lilybelle to just move out @sandyp196 Which is an expense to you, not just financially but emotionally and physically. There needs to be some kind of law, not a common one but a judicial one, where you are compensated by the people who drive you out of your home. Because these disputes are just treated like domestics, they act like people just don't get on and that's why there are problems but it usually is one person starts bullying another or overstepping boundaries people have in place that help them feel safe and it causes a lot of stress. And usually the bullying one is enjoying harming the other person and is getting off on that. It's rare both people are bullies and are fighting for domination but i have seen neighbour disputes like that too. I'm moving when i can, hopefully to an island on my own or a bungalow where i will have no neighbours lol. Probably i will just move out of this area, people here are not very good at respecting others boundaries but there are places where people still do that.
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @sandyp196 Sorry what you are going through. I agree with every body's comments. Had to move in twenty years about five times or more.

    Got no choice, 

    My neighbours every one had problems with. Happy here now for as long.  As they leave me alone. Had chats but keep it simple.

    Yet still not happy.

    Every time move is the same issues.

    Have to remember you are in control just move out. Sorry you have this illness but you have to do this. I did and have done so.

    As long you remain you are making yourself ill.

    My concern for your mental health.

    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • sandyp196sandyp196 Member Posts: 133 Pioneering
    Thank you for thr advice. My garden as a mess and I took photos. I cant see my garden from my flat as it's an awkward design with sheds in the way. It makes it impossible to set up a camera and tbh she wouod destroy anything I set up. 
    I'm on the transfer list. My doctor has written 3 letters to the council. The mental health team two letters. 
    They just submitted another one so hopefully I can get out of here soon. 
    It's like being in prison and has really aggravated my illness,. I can't even let my cat out. She has a british bull terrier. If I showed you pics of what that dog did to my poor little cat you would know why I don't let her out anymore. She was lucky to survive.  But the worst thing is she recovered from that and the dog attacked her again! Her face and mouth  is full of scars and I'm still paying thr £700 worth of bills.  My sweet natured, tiny framed 13 yr old cat now has a litter tray out of necessity. But she is alive and im thankful for that.
    Today I have all my windows closed because the smell of dog mess is awful.  She never cleans up. I have to clean it up outside my door and my garden as it smells so bad but there is nothing I can do about the urine smell. The dog messes about 4 times a day and the dog is sicK and expels so much.
    The council hAve me down as a low priorty for transfer. In fact the housing officer seems to really dislike me and has me pegged as a complainer and troublemaker. He has a different attitide to her downstairs. Everytime he has come out he stands on my doorstep for a few minutes telling me off.  Then he goes inside her flat and is there for half an hour and I can hear laughing.  It's so intimidating. Tenancy support have complained more than once but the situation doesn't improve.  
     If I could afford to move out or even find someone who wouod rent to me I would be out of here by tonight. 
    I do think I'm an easy target for her. She knows I'm on my own here a lot. I don't have a lot of support from family. No friends and I'm unwell. 
    She used to ask me for money a lot and was hooked up to my Internet,  used my cooker, asked to bath her kids, use the washing machine etc. She was always banging on about how much money disabled people get when single parents are struggling. I felt guilty and intimidateD.  I didn't tell her what I got. She assumed and I didn't deny it.   
    One time it all got too much for me as she left me short of money after I lent her £60 to pay her phone bill and she didn't give it back and she was asking for more. This one night i was ill with a migraine and didnt want het in my flat with her kids. I told her I couodnt  loan money anymore and no she couldnt bath her kids thst evening . 
    It all went very hostile after that.and has just got worse and worse as my othrt neighbours also ignore me now too so god knows what she has been saying about me.
    I just want to live in a caravan in a field with no neighbours. I'd happily give up electric, Internet and phones etc That sounds like paradise to me 😃 
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello my friend @sandyp196 Sorry what is happening no dot understand why you family are not helping you.

    Understand if you are estranged from them.

    One thing I would add options is to try and get support.

    Support worker, health worker or in your case an advocate.

    If you are getting walked over, mistreated and in my opinion not listened to you need an advocate.

    Some one to represent you, speak for you.

    Understand I am interested in your story because you have to do this right now.

    I understand all this the stories.

    Understand could write a book about my neighbours and experiences.

    Time for you to move on and out now.

    If no one listens to me, doctors, support workers, council and the rest advocate.

    Works every time. Also know about the issues and have seen me in similar problems had to stay in B&B because of anti social behaviour.

    This has to stop why are you not doing anything.  Understand the illness but I had and still do have anxiety so have been there but had to move out.

    One time had similar to you in less than six weeks moved out. Why can you not speak to your family or try to do something.

    Understand doing all the stuff with her and money. That is intimidation but also bullying. Time to stop now. Move out.  Had all that myself so ended up moving out. Find a caravan start to do this.

    You can do this. I know you can.


    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • feirfeir Member Posts: 396 Pioneering
    After reading all that sounds like you would have been a target for her anyway, just maybe in not so obvious ways as she'd have to make sure your partner or whoever didn't know what she was up to. She's basically used you for money and a lot of things that she should have been sorting out for herself and now you won't give her anything you are not a supply any more. She sounds like a narcissist or sociopath.They get very offended if you don't give them what you want, if they can find another supply they tend to leave you alone but if they can't find one then they take out their frustration on you for not being it. They also have to make out you're a bad person to justify their own abhorrent behaviour. And yeah they do gossip, it's called a smear campaign, and it is to isolate you so they can continue bullying you.

    Hope you get moved soon.
  • MisscleoMisscleo Member Posts: 646 Pioneering
    All the above is true. Ypu need a solicitor to take out a court order to keep her swsy from you
    Good luck
  • sandyp196sandyp196 Member Posts: 133 Pioneering
    Thank you for taking the time to respond to me. The council aren't interested in helping but the tenancy support unit are, and they are pressuring the council to relocate me. I'm hoping that will be in the next few months.  
    I'm not good at fighting back. I have a mental health condition that causes me to have aggressive tendencies. I take strong medication to ensure this symptom is dampened down. It zaps my energy and and thinking ability.  
    If I wasn't on medication I would probably be in jaiL and my neighbour wouldn't have got away with this. But I would suffer the most for it. 
    So all I can do is keep reporting incidents to the tenancy support and let them fight it for me. I'm so grateful to them for sup porting me and nost of all for beleiving me. 

  • feirfeir Member Posts: 396 Pioneering
    All the council have round here are houses going in the areas nobody wants to live in because the area is rough. You're better off not fighting her, she would be even more offended and escalate the abuse, it wouldn't stop her.
  • debbiedo49debbiedo49 Member Posts: 2,906 Disability Gamechanger
    Does the housing have a policy on Dog Fouling?
    💜🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿
    I am a fibro warrior !💜♏️
  • feirfeir Member Posts: 396 Pioneering
    Police are involved now, thanks very much for advising me to do that because i wouldn't have been confident about calling them as this seems petty when it comes to crime but i don't feel safe here in my own home now as they're escalating things so i have called them. I've asked them to keep an eye on me and mentioned i am a vulnerable person as i am both disabled and a single parent so they said they will log it with my community police and they should pop round.
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  • whistleswhistles Member Posts: 1,603 Disability Gamechanger
    Its difficult without being there. But what's wrong with someone getting a ball back? It just sounds like a misunderstanding. 
    I might have asked can I just go get it though in fairness.

    Now you have the law involved, it could escalate even more. It's likely to cause friction.
    Do not follow me, I don't know where I am going.
  • feirfeir Member Posts: 396 Pioneering
    It's the presumption they can just go in my garden whenever they want, i was wondering if this was usual or disrespectful because i said i couldn't do something so they just presumed they could do whatever they want. Ideally they wouldn't be throwing their stuff into my garden in the first place but obviously accidents happen, this still doesn't mean i can't have boundaries.
  • whistleswhistles Member Posts: 1,603 Disability Gamechanger
    Some people are disrespectful full stop. Nothing to do with your disability. 
    I don't know your age but if you were/ are elderly, I might offer to get it to save you the hassle. Nothing to do with you not being able to. 
    But I wouldn't just do it without knocking. 
    Do not follow me, I don't know where I am going.
  • whistleswhistles Member Posts: 1,603 Disability Gamechanger
    Misscleo said:
    Its disability hate crime and you must get the police and a councilor to go and tell.thst person to STOP.
    If they they were behaving in that way cos you were black or Jewish
     The police would say its racism and doing it cos your disabled is disability hate crime.
    They KNOW you are disabled..
    So you cant defend yourself. Thats what hate crime IS. 
    Call the police and wjich ever councillor you can talk to
    I don't see a hate crime. I see someone retrieving a ball?
    Do not follow me, I don't know where I am going.
  • feirfeir Member Posts: 396 Pioneering
    I'm not bothered if it's a hate crime now, i just know i'm vulnerable and don't feel safe in my own home. The police listened to my concerns and said they will come check on me when in the area to make sure i'm ok. There's a lot more going on with my neighbour than i'm going to mention also, most of it doesn't involve me though.

    Even the law says that people cannot go into someones garden to retrieve a ball as that's trespassing, just as the person cannot keep someone elses ball if it goes in as that is theft. Which is why i explain to anyone whose ball comes in that i can't throw it back right away so that they know i'm not intentionally keeping their stuff but also so that they know i don't want them in my garden.

    Also i mentioned in a previous comment that someone has damaged my garden fence, so this is not just coming in to retrieve a ball any more.The damage is likely to be accidental but i'm the one whose responsibility it is to fix that as nobody who wrecked anything has offered to. And this is why i have boundaries, because other people do not have a sense of personal responsibility.
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  • whistleswhistles Member Posts: 1,603 Disability Gamechanger
    If there is more going on which obviously you can't discuss, we cant help you properly. 

    All the best in the outcome. 
    Do not follow me, I don't know where I am going.
  • feirfeir Member Posts: 396 Pioneering
    it's ok i don't need any help i was saying thanks for advising me to go to the police. Wish i'd done it years ago.
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @feir Understand what is going on here. I feel for you. How do you feel yourself?

    I can imagine what is going through your mind. One is vulnerable and feel if I breathe or make a move. Understand then it is my fault.

    You must not blame your self. You start to though. I did and have done many times.

    How and wish and why those who instigate problems by neighbours.  End up hurting the people who have done nothing wrong.

    What would work here is some mediation.  Some one has to sort this mess out before it becomes into a words of war.

    Trust me I am the one who has been there so many times.


    All I see is pain and heartbreak. Is the answer for you to move. I would consider it. Options are there. Surely you need to look at that.

    Though hard and difficult to do so.

    All I know is that as a member of this community. You are valued and respected.

    Wish you the best and wish I could offer more support.

    Take care

    @thespiceman
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
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  • feirfeir Member Posts: 396 Pioneering
    @thespiceman I'm ok but your concern is kind so thank you, I do have anxiety partly because of them and partly because becoming disabled is distressing for me.

    I don't blame myself, don't worry. I've lived next door to them for years and know they enjoy this sort of thing that they've escalated to or it's at least a part of their everyday life. But obviously knowing what they're like i also don't want them thinking it's ok to go in my garden whenever they want to either.
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