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RESPECT

susan48
susan48 Member Posts: 2,222 Disability Gamechanger
I just wanted to ask why people can’t show each other respect especially on this site.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion without being made to feel worse about either their situation or themselves.

It makes me angry and upset reading these things, and yes I don’t need to read it, but this should be safe, friendly advice not hostile and disrespectful.

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Comments

  • littleruthie123
    littleruthie123 Member Posts: 490 Pioneering
    Exactly my thoughts too .often don't like the whole highligthing people's posts too be told it's wrong all the time .it's deeming like naming and shaming almost .I go on a breach cancer support group ;people are kind and empathetic too each other nothing like on here .feel like your being told off for having an opinion .it's such a shame .too many chiefs competing at each other all the time too .it's a shame!
  • fishingmum
    fishingmum Member Posts: 562 Pioneering
    well said @susan48
    life is too short to let others make you miserable.
  • Geoark
    Geoark Member, Scope Volunteer Posts: 1,384 Disability Gamechanger
    In general I would agree wholeheartedly with you. I would rather be here answering questions, supporting people or just generally encouraging people.

    However when people are offering opinion as facts, dismissing other peoples disabilities or generally being rude to others than I do believe they should be challenged.

    I have never had a problem recommending this site to others until recently and have recently signposted other resources rather than here.  Having been told to **** off or that some members here are fed up of with 'individuals with filled with self importance who want to cherry pick the 'perks' of disability at the expense of those with real disabilities that have been robustly proven with medical evidence and PIP' why would I want to expose potentially vulnerable people to such a toxic atmosphere?

    At the same time I do appreciate that a forum like this one with a wide range of disabilities and experiences that discussions are occasionally going to become heated and passionate by some.

    As an individual I stood alone.
    As a member of a group I did things.
    As part of a community I helped to create change!

  • littleruthie123
    littleruthie123 Member Posts: 490 Pioneering
    I think people can end up feeling confused on the answers given when asking for help. And advise it's often conflicting and seems too feel like a debate .and the person asking for help is left feeling confused .I personally find highlighting people comments demeaning. And being told you wrong 

    g etc seems too overtake the problem .lengthy text type answers are not helpful at times and unclear .?.
  • Topkitten
    Topkitten Member Posts: 1,285 Pioneering
    One important point I should make here first. Respect is earned, not given. People earn it through their actions and statements but I appreciate that for some with certain difficulties it is much harder than most. When I recognise this I tend to avoid replying to their statements as my replies tend to be complex and long-winded and I would not want them to feel put down or that I was being supercilious.

    Personally I have become over-critical lately, an unfortunate side-effect of the situation I currently find myself in. In general I try not to disrespect others and do not expect special treatment because of my troubles. However, I almost never take exception to replies aimed back at me in response and am quite prepared to back down and apologise if I am wrong or at least refrain from responding until I am in a better frame of mind. However, I also feel I am able to justify my comments if they are correct. I do expect though to be able to have the occasional rant.in my own posts that I start and do not expect, as happened before, to be sanctioned for simply upsetting someone by what I type. If it's my post I reserve the right to post what I like within the limits of the forum rules. If people do not like it they are free to either respond or to ignore the post completely.

    One thing though that does upset me greatly is when others compare their issues to mine incorrectly. I have spent a great deal of time and effort to discover any other case even closely resembling mine and there are simply no cases like it on the internet. The Pain Clinic I attended for 5 years had never heard of it nor had 6 or 7 other PC's around the country they contacted to hopefully find guidelines to follow. It may sound odd me stating this but time after time in f2f conversations people do compare their issues to mine and I find it hard to not be rude when they state that their much less severe condition makes it impossible for them to walk when I am able to. I know that sounds arrogant but it also happens to be true.

    I am very intelligent with a high IQ and have extensive knowledge both generally and especially with my condition and the medication I do and have used. I always investigate anything new I am prescribed before I use it, for example. If I quote facts and figures about certain medications then, if you care to check, I am quite prepared to explain where I got the information. I never use individual sources, as has been used against my statements before, but research further into a number of articles or sites.

    I apologise if I have wandered off the topic a little but it's something I cannot seem to control properly at the moment.
    "I'm on the wrong side of heaven and the righteous side of hell" - from Wrong side of heaven by Five Finger Death Punch.
  • susan48
    susan48 Member Posts: 2,222 Disability Gamechanger
    I do agree @Topkitten that respect is earned not a given.

    My point was for everyone to treat each other as we wish to be treated ourselves.

    Many times its the way we respond, what we type or say that’s in question. 

    People react and take things in different ways so maybe people need to be mindful of this.


  • Topkitten
    Topkitten Member Posts: 1,285 Pioneering
    Very politely put @susan48 and, as I said, I do try to avoid replying to some posts as I would find it difficult to sympathise or empathise with them. I just tend to give factual information. Unfortunately, like now, I do find it difficult to limit my responses to simple statements. One of the problems with thinking too much, I believe. Although I will say that I tend to write things open to interpretation and often go round the houses to try to clarify what I mean.

    I'll shut up now, lol!

    TK
    "I'm on the wrong side of heaven and the righteous side of hell" - from Wrong side of heaven by Five Finger Death Punch.
  • susan48
    susan48 Member Posts: 2,222 Disability Gamechanger
    @Topkitten, it’s not often I am told I was trying to be polite lol.
    I also think too much or read into things too much, to the point it’s detrimental to my MH.



  • Topkitten
    Topkitten Member Posts: 1,285 Pioneering
    I know exactly what you mean @susan48. I constantly worry over the simplest things or over complicate answers to simple questions. I am told that overthinking is normal for someone suffering Chronic Pain but I find nothing normal about it. That along with Severe Depression and Agoraphobia had led to Panic Attacks and Anxiety and I am no longer able distinguish the lines separating one from another. I have often made things so complex that people trying to offer me treatment have found it impossible to find anything suitable for me. I know I shouldn't do it and I even find myself thinking "I shouldn't be doing / saying this" but I do so anyway. I have always been OCD and that also has become worse and people simply cannot get answers all the questions I need answering especially when it comes to MH issues which seem to be a bit undefined from the start for most people.

    Anyway, I am rambling again.

    Enjoy your day.

    TK
    "I'm on the wrong side of heaven and the righteous side of hell" - from Wrong side of heaven by Five Finger Death Punch.
  • debbiedo49
    debbiedo49 Member Posts: 2,904 Disability Gamechanger
    I’m an over thinker and can easily misinterpret the written word on forums like this. What I like about this site is the majority is supportive, caring and helpful to people who are looking for it. I think it’s better for me personally to avoid seemingly heated or rude situations on here and they generally fizzle out quickly. Also I like that admin will step in if asked to or if you ask them to. My motto is Stop, Think, Breathe then Action. I try to do that so I don’t just react to things immediately and possibly wrongly. We all get it wrong sometimes and it’s very emotive topics we are dealing with at times. Just be kind to each other. 
  • susan48
    susan48 Member Posts: 2,222 Disability Gamechanger
    @debbiedo49, perfectly summed up 
  • sam66
    sam66 Member Posts: 6 Listener
    As most of us are in constant pain, what comes with this is moods like we never had when healthy.  I can feel bitter, angry, regret in family & friends that didnt help me or they have disapeared. The constant battle with pain & the system making pain worse with stress. I am sure I am not alone, in thinking this. The life I had before the Hospital wrecked my body. The life I have now is not great, but it's all I have. We have a lot of time to brood about things & that in itself can be self destructive. I now have different friends who understand me. I have different hobbies that cater for my disability. Forums like this are invaluable, so thank you to all who contribute.
  • susan48
    susan48 Member Posts: 2,222 Disability Gamechanger
    @sam66, I’m sure most of us feel the same.

    If difficult everyday and I also have mood swing that even I don’t understand.

    Overthinking is self destructive but I’m sure I’m not alone in its very hard no too.

    Take care 
  • bevt2017
    bevt2017 Member Posts: 324 Pioneering
    Hi @susan48

    I totally agree!
  • littleruthie123
    littleruthie123 Member Posts: 490 Pioneering
    Very true Sam good post x
  • susan48
    susan48 Member Posts: 2,222 Disability Gamechanger
    @thespiceman, that was a fabulous post.

    Take care x

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