RESPECT

susan48

I just wanted to ask why people can’t show each other respect especially on this site.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion without being made to feel worse about either their situation or themselves.

It makes me angry and upset reading these things, and yes I don’t need to read it, but this should be safe, friendly advice not hostile and disrespectful.

littleruthie123

Exactly my thoughts too .often don't like the whole highligthing people's posts too be told it's wrong all the time .it's deeming like naming and shaming almost .I go on a breach cancer support group ;people are kind and empathetic too each other nothing like on here .feel like your being told off for having an opinion .it's such a shame .too many chiefs competing at each other all the time too .it's a shame!

fishingmum

well said @susan48

Geoark

In general I would agree wholeheartedly with you. I would rather be here answering questions, supporting people or just generally encouraging people.

However when people are offering opinion as facts, dismissing other peoples disabilities or generally being rude to others than I do believe they should be challenged.

I have never had a problem recommending this site to others until recently and have recently signposted other resources rather than here.  Having been told to **** off or that some members here are fed up of with 'individuals with filled with self importance who want to cherry pick the 'perks' of disability at the expense of those with real disabilities that have been robustly proven with medical evidence and PIP' why would I want to expose potentially vulnerable people to such a toxic atmosphere?

At the same time I do appreciate that a forum like this one with a wide range of disabilities and experiences that discussions are occasionally going to become heated and passionate by some.

Markmywords

People are people, disability or no. That's rather the point of this site.

The bad come with the good.

Many of those (non-Scope) who delight in giving advice to others are intolerant of alternative views.

Years ago I concluded that I'm just looking at glowing dots on a screen. We'll never meet and they cannot affect me in the real world.

I find it easy to dismiss such people now and I don't even need the "ignore" feature.

littleruthie123

I think people can end up feeling confused on the answers given when asking for help. And advise it's often conflicting and seems too feel like a debate .and the person asking for help is left feeling confused .I personally find highlighting people comments demeaning. And being told you wrong 

g etc seems too overtake the problem .lengthy text type answers are not helpful at times and unclear .?.

Topkitten

One important point I should make here first. Respect is earned, not given. People earn it through their actions and statements but I appreciate that for some with certain difficulties it is much harder than most. When I recognise this I tend to avoid replying to their statements as my replies tend to be complex and long-winded and I would not want them to feel put down or that I was being supercilious.

Personally I have become over-critical lately, an unfortunate side-effect of the situation I currently find myself in. In general I try not to disrespect others and do not expect special treatment because of my troubles. However, I almost never take exception to replies aimed back at me in response and am quite prepared to back down and apologise if I am wrong or at least refrain from responding until I am in a better frame of mind. However, I also feel I am able to justify my comments if they are correct. I do expect though to be able to have the occasional rant.in my own posts that I start and do not expect, as happened before, to be sanctioned for simply upsetting someone by what I type. If it's my post I reserve the right to post what I like within the limits of the forum rules. If people do not like it they are free to either respond or to ignore the post completely.

One thing though that does upset me greatly is when others compare their issues to mine incorrectly. I have spent a great deal of time and effort to discover any other case even closely resembling mine and there are simply no cases like it on the internet. The Pain Clinic I attended for 5 years had never heard of it nor had 6 or 7 other PC's around the country they contacted to hopefully find guidelines to follow. It may sound odd me stating this but time after time in f2f conversations people do compare their issues to mine and I find it hard to not be rude when they state that their much less severe condition makes it impossible for them to walk when I am able to. I know that sounds arrogant but it also happens to be true.

I am very intelligent with a high IQ and have extensive knowledge both generally and especially with my condition and the medication I do and have used. I always investigate anything new I am prescribed before I use it, for example. If I quote facts and figures about certain medications then, if you care to check, I am quite prepared to explain where I got the information. I never use individual sources, as has been used against my statements before, but research further into a number of articles or sites.

I apologise if I have wandered off the topic a little but it's something I cannot seem to control properly at the moment.

susan48

I do agree @Topkitten that respect is earned not a given.

My point was for everyone to treat each other as we wish to be treated ourselves.

Many times its the way we respond, what we type or say that’s in question. 

People react and take things in different ways so maybe people need to be mindful of this.

Topkitten

Very politely put @susan48 and, as I said, I do try to avoid replying to some posts as I would find it difficult to sympathise or empathise with them. I just tend to give factual information. Unfortunately, like now, I do find it difficult to limit my responses to simple statements. One of the problems with thinking too much, I believe. Although I will say that I tend to write things open to interpretation and often go round the houses to try to clarify what I mean.

I'll shut up now, lol!

TK

susan48

@Topkitten, it’s not often I am told I was trying to be polite lol.
I also think too much or read into things too much, to the point it’s detrimental to my MH.

Topkitten

I know exactly what you mean @susan48. I constantly worry over the simplest things or over complicate answers to simple questions. I am told that overthinking is normal for someone suffering Chronic Pain but I find nothing normal about it. That along with Severe Depression and Agoraphobia had led to Panic Attacks and Anxiety and I am no longer able distinguish the lines separating one from another. I have often made things so complex that people trying to offer me treatment have found it impossible to find anything suitable for me. I know I shouldn't do it and I even find myself thinking "I shouldn't be doing / saying this" but I do so anyway. I have always been OCD and that also has become worse and people simply cannot get answers all the questions I need answering especially when it comes to MH issues which seem to be a bit undefined from the start for most people.

Anyway, I am rambling again.

Enjoy your day.

TK

debbiedo49

I’m an over thinker and can easily misinterpret the written word on forums like this. What I like about this site is the majority is supportive, caring and helpful to people who are looking for it. I think it’s better for me personally to avoid seemingly heated or rude situations on here and they generally fizzle out quickly. Also I like that admin will step in if asked to or if you ask them to. My motto is Stop, Think, Breathe then Action. I try to do that so I don’t just react to things immediately and possibly wrongly. We all get it wrong sometimes and it’s very emotive topics we are dealing with at times. Just be kind to each other. 

susan48

@debbiedo49, perfectly summed up 

sam66

As most of us are in constant pain, what comes with this is moods like we never had when healthy.  I can feel bitter, angry, regret in family & friends that didnt help me or they have disapeared. The constant battle with pain & the system making pain worse with stress. I am sure I am not alone, in thinking this. The life I had before the Hospital wrecked my body. The life I have now is not great, but it's all I have. We have a lot of time to brood about things & that in itself can be self destructive. I now have different friends who understand me. I have different hobbies that cater for my disability. Forums like this are invaluable, so thank you to all who contribute.

susan48

@sam66, I’m sure most of us feel the same.

If difficult everyday and I also have mood swing that even I don’t understand.

Overthinking is self destructive but I’m sure I’m not alone in its very hard no too.

Take care 

bevt2017

Hi @susan48

I totally agree!

Pippa_Alumni

Morning everyone! Thanks for sharing your views here- there's been some really good points raised with regard to respect. We completely agree, and as a team we'll always strive to make sure the community is a safe and supportive place where everyone feels welcome. 

Please do make use of the report button to pass anything concerning onto the moderators, and remember that we have the 'ignore' function if you'd rather hide posts and discussions from particular community members. And remember, it's always okay to step away from a discussion: there is never an obligation to participate or get involved in something you're not comfortable with. Things can often be misinterpreted over an internet forum such as this one, so taking a screen break can be a big help in seeing things objectively too!

As always, thank you for your support and for helping us keep the community as friendly and safe as possible. If you'd ever like to get in touch or raise any concerns, you can reach us at community@scope.org.uk. 

littleruthie123

Very true Sam good post x

thespiceman

Hello every body just thought I would like to say. Love and like what every body has commented about respect, views and opinions.

All views and opinions do greatly differ we all have our life experiences and knowledge.

I understand the need for people to comment and add a voice to a particular subject.  This should and could be sensitive to the approach of any subject or theme.

What I have seen over the last couple of months are topics and themes that seem to inflame certain people of the forum and they have a voice to say how they deal with that post or thread.

Lots of insinuations and what I call hurting and harming of members of the forum. Who may post a different view or opinion.

All of us are a community as people we have our issues and problems and things in our lives to cope and deal with whatever life throws at us.

Just because we all of us sit in front of a screen does it make it right to start and make those with different views and opinions uncomfortable, anxious plus feel the need to not come on to the forum. If they have this want and need to be a part of the community.

Several incidents has caused me personally and I know much harm to myself mentally. Hence the often long days away from the forum. Because I am scared to say anything that who ever they may be. Start contradicting anything I may put on and just what I call nit picking and stern criticism of my thoughts and feelings.

I know one other incident where the person concerned has now departed the forum . Leaving a gaping big hole in my life as I used to speak to this person privately every day. Living alone is not a happy time or joyful.

All I can say. Some of us on the forum have that. Need that every day some one to bring positive and upbeats to the day. Give you a sense of enjoyment and fulfilment.  Little life insights into every day moments. Captured and treasured.

I do have other friends who I message privately and I love them and care about them. As friends would do. This is how I am at the present time.  Also will support them and be there to advise and help much as I can.

Even though we may never ever meet my life on this forum.   Using my wealth of expertise and life knowledge to benefit others who posts. I have felt was helping others with my knowledge and experience. Not to be treated indifferent, sneered at and made to look foolish and insincere.

All of us need to take a step back and think how do I post this comment with out any hurting or harming. Need to try to walk a mile in that person shoes. I know I do and am here most days if I can. Try to help and support those. Welcomes, meets and greets how to express myself. Being polite and sensitive to their needs and problems much as I can be.

susan48

@thespiceman, that was a fabulous post.

Take care x

bevt2017

Well said @thespiceman ?

I love our private chats. 
You've Helped me through some really difficult times.
And always encouraged me to keep fighting.
Don't let anyone make you feel your not important, because you are.
Keep doing what your doing helping and supporting the community.
Talk to you soon 
Bev x ?