In a very dark place. Cannot find my way out. — Scope | Disability forum
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In a very dark place. Cannot find my way out.

zany52 Member Posts: 5 Listener
I suffer from depression and anxiety plus osteoarthritis in both my ankles and my knees I have diverticulitis.  Which when it flares is extremely painful
My gp has just changed my meds for depression as I'm so down at rock bottom feel like the ground is swollowing me up. I cry myself to sleep most nights. I hate asking up in a morning. I get pip for a reason. 
But I always feel they are watching me. I'm looking over my shoulder all the time. Its an awful feeling 
I'm in a very dark place and finding it hard to find a way out.
Im struggling so much. I've talked to the Samaritans. And my gp. I'm waiting to see a psychologist.
I get pip for my osteoarthritis. As I keep needing surgery and struggle with daily things in general.
My depression causes my to just lay on my bed Carnt be bothered eating and cooking every day things. I have suicidal tendencies. I have had depression for 20 years.

It seems  back to my horrendous childhood of being abused from birth to 3 years old.i don't like taking about what happened with the abuse. I In and out of children's homes. Till 9 then fostered then lost both my foster parents.
My doctor thinks it's been locked inside me for so many years
I don't know if you get PIP for depression as yet.
Sorry for Moaning 


  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Member Posts: 6,389 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @zany52 Thank you for sharing and being honest and open with the community.

    Please can I say you will find members of our community who can identify your situation.

    All I can say is you are doing the right thing talking to the Samaritans and getting help from your GP. I am sure that you perhaps need other support as well. It is only a suggestion but consider looking at a support worker. Mental health support worker.

    I do recommend looking on line trying to a self referral . Which means you refer yourself. To the organisation you wish to be with. Even your Doctor can advise on this as well.

    Understand this myself the depression and had to try to find solace and some respite. I know having the conditions you describe is not easy as well.

    May be looking under our Specific Conditions posts might offer some solutions. Problems from other people who can ease the symptoms with advice, information and chat.

    Finding the right support for yourself is never easy and can be difficult to deal with.  Nobody has the understanding of abuse and the harm it is doing . Unless your a victim.  Remember it is never your fault you are not to blame and the fault lies elsewhere.

    There are organisations and associations I believe on line but it is finding what you are comfortable with.

    Understanding and what you perhaps need is again support through this.

    I can all but advise I hope with sensitivity and kindness. Am here as all of the community to help and offer comfort, chat, talk, debate anytime you wish.

    Please take care

    Always in prayers and thoughts.

    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
  • zany52
    zany52 Member Posts: 5 Listener
    I'm not sure as weather pip take into consideration bad depression.
  • Pippa_Alumni
    Pippa_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 5,798 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @zany52, thank you for sharing this with us. I'm so sorry to hear that things are tough at the moment, and I'm really glad that you've reached out to the community- we have lots of friendly and supportive members who are always ready to listen. 

    Many people with mental illnesses have successfully claimed PIP, so it's certainly worth applying for. Perhaps try the self-test first? If you have any questions, please do come back to us and we'll do our best to advise. I hope today is as kind as possible to you.
  • Markinsutton
    Markinsutton Member Posts: 83 Pioneering
    know you are not alone. come back anytime you want someone to talk to, I echo comments above. 
  • MattyD
    MattyD Member Posts: 3 Listener
    Well done on sharing, it is a very difficult thing to do. I attended the Hoffman Institute and found it a great place to try and deal with my own mental health issues. Good luck and don't give up  :)
  • zany52
    zany52 Member Posts: 5 Listener
    Had a very rough day today. A lot of people do not understand what depression is like as i pit a front on most of the time so people think I'm fine.
    I'm really struggling the moment as my gp is changing my meds as I've been on them for so long they do not work anymore.
    So he is weaning me off the ones I'm on and changing them. 
    I'm in a very dark place and cannot find a way out. Ive talked to the Samaritans via email as i struggle to talk on the phone and struggle to stop crying for no reason. 
    Thank you for listening to me.
    It seems back to being physically mentally and sexually abused when I was three. Kept it inside and tried to bury things.


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