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Today, You Beat Me - a poem about chronic pain

ClaireSaul

Claire Saul is our community Chronic Pain Advisor, and also blogs about her own experiences with chronic illness over at PainPals Blog. Today, she shares with us a poem addressing her pain.

Today, You beat me,

I woke with You again

Wrapped about my back like a lover,

Pulling at my limbs

My shoulders splayed

My joints pulled with gravity.

Today, You never let up.

I tried to lose You

But You brashly force out the monster,

The worst version of myself

Cross and bitter,

My loved ones suffer.

Today, You rob me.

My time is destroyed,

I cannot sit and idle in peace

For my body betrays me,

As you are with me

Within, trapping me.

Today, You beat me.

My body is weakened

And tears have fallen as spirit breaks.

So, so tired, no way back

I am bereft.

Pain, You have won.

black and white image of crossed lower legs and bare feet with painpals watermark

Can you relate to Claire’s experiences? We’re discussing chronic pain on the community this week, so feel free to ask any questions and share your own stories too.

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Comments

Chloe_Alumni

Thanks for sharing Claire! Really well written!

ClaireSaul

Chloe_Scope said:

Thanks for sharing Claire! Really well written!

Thanks Chloe!

debbiedo49

Love it, totally relatable !

Sue55

It's a lovely piece xxx

Nic1712

This is a great poem thank you for sharing. This sums up my bad days really well

thara

Totally relate.

Topkitten

This is something I wrote many years ago and which I posted here before. I tried to find it with no success but have finally found a copy of it. I don't think it compares to your but you may find it interesting.

I Wish

I wish I had freedom instead of the chain
I wish I had comfort instead of the drain
I wish I was happy but unhappiness came

I wish I was full of joy, not of disdain
I wish I had hope but instead it was slain
I wish I had meaning, it burnt in the flame

I wish I had sunshine instead of the rain
I wish I had thoughts, all I have's a dead brain
I wish I could change things and not just my name

I wish I had someone but no one will claim
I wish I had life but instead I have pain
And it's only me that's most likely to blame

TK

Pia_Scope

@ClaireSaul Thank you for sharing. So well written and insightful. A lovely poem.

saxgirl

A lovely poem, thankyou

Nigelrl

Brilliant tho I say pain won the battle not the war. Sometimes I'm literally in the foetal position but I know I will get to the point that I can carry on

ClaireSaul

Thank you all for your lovely words and for coming together in support. @Topkitten - honoured that you have looked out your own very poignant words and shared them alongside mine....perhaps I could share them on my blog PainPals?

ClaireSaul

Nigelrl said:

Brilliant tho I say pain won the battle not the war. Sometimes I'm literally in the foetal position but I know I will get to the point that I can carry on

I love this!! "Pain won the battle not the war" - just brilliant, thank you x

Nigelrl

Thank you. I link this with acceptance, only at that point can you shed the anchors of your previous life and then look to the best life you can have. Heck I would never have won a gold medal running, did that stop me no.

Twinkster

ClaireSaul said:

Claire Saul is our community Chronic Pain Advisor, and also blogs about her own experiences with chronic illness over at PainPals Blog. Today, she shares with us a poem addressing her pain.
Today, You beat me,
I woke with You again
Wrapped about my back like a lover,
Pulling at my limbs
My shoulders splayed
My joints pulled with gravity.

Today, You never let up.
I tried to lose You
But You brashly force out the monster,
The worst version of myself
Cross and bitter,
My loved ones suffer.

Today, You rob me.
My time is destroyed,
I cannot sit and idle in peace
For my body betrays me,
As you are with me
Within, trapping me.

Today, You beat me.
My body is weakened
And tears have fallen as spirit breaks.
So, so tired, no way back
I am bereft.
Pain, You have won.

Can you relate to Claire’s experiences? We’re discussing chronic pain on the community this week, so feel free to ask any questions and share your own stories too.

Twinkster

your poem has moved me in a manner of a accurate display of many peoples pain and how we really do feel it and how our actions act on our loved ones and every day life !

I am sure my life is intended to take the pain from others and fight the battle of the evil cruelness and fail every fight !!
Clair you've been given the gift of beautiful poetry that's truly a special gift !!!
your poem should be published """" xxx

Topkitten

I have no objections @ClaireSaul

TK

Rad

Find a place inside you where there is joy, and the joy will burn the pain away.

jewly

I wish that I (or anyone else for that matter) couldn't relate to your words, but the truth is that I live in that hell every second of every day. Pain has robbed me of my life and my career that I had worked and studied so hard to achieve. I feel like I have mourned my own death. The life I expect and hoped to have cannot be. Instead I wake each morning crying out in pain just trying to sit up. I don't see a future like this. I have no aspirations or dreams, I cannot plan ahead only live each second of this nightmare. Thankyou for sharing your poem. I pray no one else has to suffer like this x

Nigelrl

What we go thru is grief, grief for life as it was and all the things we believe we will never do.
But we always had limits because not fit enough strong enough or even hadn't learned.
I was a pretty good runner in my younger days and at school went to area championships. I was last minute substitute for 800. Now I was v good at 400 so thought we will see. Bang off we go and I was second behind a tall gangly lad who later I found was 2 years younger.
Hit last bend and I thought gotcha. I kicked. Well so did he and I saw dust. He was a v young Steve Cram.
Point of tale is don't judge ourselves by others as you will lose.
Start again with right what can I do then take wee steps and it will improve.
Start low and pat your self on every achievement no matter how small

Topkitten

For me the problems have robbed me not of a career as I worked for 25 years in my chosen career path and not of experiencing family as I have had many good times and three grown up children. What it has taken from me is the chance to find someone that really loved me for me and the time to spend growing old together. It broke up my last possibility which I let it do thinking I would get another chance but never did and now never will. Being stuck indoors old, ill and in constant pain gives me no chance to meet anyone new or to find out whether we could have anything together. The only sort of person who could be attracted to me now would have to start with pity and looking to nurse me and that isn't someone I could respect properly. Also I would expect to look after someone else and again it's not possible now. I left it too late and it took my old age hopes away and, in a way, I will never forgive myself for letting it.

TK