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Bipolar sucks

Hi, I’m a newbie...be kind! I was diagnosed with bipolar 6 years ago but have admittedly suffered since being a teen. I was on antidepressants virtually my whole life and it’s no wonder they never worked when it was actually bipolar I had and not depression. Anyway I want to talk about one of my main triggers. It’s my son, who has autism. What do you do when you are the carer for your son who is one of your main triggers? I’m in week 3 of the Summer holidays and I swear I have literally had enough. I don’t even get any relief from him during term time because at the moment he is not in school full time, only half days and even then not every day. My son is high functioning and he also has PDA and living with him is like being in a violent relationship, you have to watch what you say, how you say it. He picks fights to have a meltdown, he’s rude and obnoxious. He hits and hurts his brother. It is absolutely horrendous way to live. (He can also be adorable, funny and kind but obviously that part of it isn’t a problem). I just want to get my car and drive and drive and drive.
Replies
Because I'm a counsellor my first thought was 'I wonder what support you have and whether you take time out for yourself?', 'Do you get any respite care for your soon?' [probably not knowing how cash strapped the authorities are] and also 'what is it in your son's behaviour that is specifically triggering you?' - my guess is that getting to the root of that might help and that might be something you could do with a counsellor? Ideally someone who has some understanding of the issues around parenting a disabled child and some knowledge of autism...
The only other thing I would say that on a lot of levels your feelings are in fact very normal - I love my children [one also has the same disability as me] but I find the summer holidays are tough when you are with them 24/7! Roll on September!
Hope that helps.
Emma
www.emmawestcounselling.co.uk
The challenging behaviour foundation may be a good place to look at in terms of helping you manage your son's behaviour. Please do keep us updated
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You certainly have a lot on you plate, all that and little support - though thankfully a supportive husband to some extent.
It always frustrates me when the NHS say they can't provide counselling for someone with complex needs... at the end of the day it comes down to money and knowledge [a lot of people even in the medical profession don't know enough about the effects and treatment of trauma/abuse].
Given your background it's possible that your 'symptoms', I put this in brackets because it's possible your 'symptoms' are in fact a very normal reaction to what has happened to you in the past but has been labelled as bipolar and results in stress eating etc.
It could well be that you are being 'triggered' by your son as a direct result of how you were treated in the past too...
One route the NHS does seem to have available now for people who have experience childhood or subsequent trauma is EMDR [eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing therapy].
You could go to your GP and ask to be referred for this, if they've never heard of it say it's under the NICE guidelines for treatment trauma... Or if you have any available money find someone who you like [the relationship you have with a counsellor is key] locally who has had specialist EMDR training and see whether that can lift some of your load.
This is also a very good organisation: https://www.pods-online.org.uk
which could put you in touch with a private EMDR counsellor?
I hope that helps?
Emma
www.emmawestcounselling.co.uk
You are a loving, kind, supportive parent. Coming to the end of your patience and it does all concern me. I have the admiration, the courage you have to deal with it all.
I am just a member of the community wishing to help.
Am here to support to listen to. I have met many people similar to you self.. You need to find some one to befriend your son.
That could be a solution to help and assist you. Give some room for your own space and time for yourself.
I do know the services are over burdened and underfunded. Having my self to make the choice to find what I need on line.
Got into volunteering befriending mainly through charities. I know there are organisations out there on line and it is finding that right support and welfare for your family and your sons.
I ended up volunteering for various charities. Had done that for a few years or more. Met a lot of parents like yourself with similar problems and scenario's. All I could do was to offer my time and energy.
Having given them some time to deal with what they could deal with. Nothing was easy and it is never is.
I do know the issues also around getting counselling, therapy and the issues all around it. I had this unfortunately. Feel no one is listening. We the community are listening. I am listening. Got all these obstacles or hurdles to get the help you need.
In an ideal world you would get help and support for the issues you have. I had an abusive childhood so have been my self knocked back so many times.
So much so .Had enough . Problem is this country the people all around therapy counselling, are so much on a time restraint and also conveyor belt. My addiction counselling had from morning early to late at night so many people.
That if she had a break or some one did no turn up. Then even for a few minutes on to the next one. Rang me up one time about nine for appointment half nine because some one rang in. To cancel.
That is the system as I found out with other therapy and yet I had to try to help myself. I understand you cannot but you maybe need to evaluate how can I get the information, advice to benefit my family.
You have to do this you must because no body else is going to. Would have done long time ago but everything is changing in the self centred world sorry and sad to say but true.
You are a proud parent but have a look on line. I understand time and all you have .Find some time to see what is available locally. I know it is hard. Never going to be easy.
One final thing have you spoken to your GP, they should be supporting you.
I hope I have treated you with kindness and sensitivity. I am afraid for your well being.
Please take care.
Always in prayers and thoughts
@thespiceman
SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
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www.emmawestcounselling.co.uk