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Hi, I’m a mum to a teenage boy with ASpergers

dolllady Member Posts: 5 Listener
edited August 2018 in Autism and neurodiversity
My 14 year old son has ASpergers. He has missed over a year of school and is due to start a new school in two weeks. However, before he can try he needs to get his very long hair cut and take of his hoody which he wears at all times in the house. He barely leaves his room and is extremely self conscious. He’s very bright but his social difficulties prevent him from getting to school, despite him being desperate to be with his peers. Please can anyone help? He refuses to go to an ASD school and CAMHS are no help at all. I am so worried about him! 


  • Ami2301
    Ami2301 Community Co-Production Group Posts: 7,946 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @dolllady

    Welcome to the community!

    Unfortunately I don't know what advice to give you right now, however another member may be able to offer advice and will get in contact soon.

    Ami :)
    Disability Gamechanger - 2019
  • kami24
    kami24 Member Posts: 402 Pioneering
    edited August 2018

    I have borderline personality disorder and possibly Asperger's and I was scared like your son and extremely self conscious and school for me was a total nightmare from my teenage years onwards especially because I just cant socially cope with it all and as your son has Asperger's then it is so challenging for him , have you spoken to the school and to the teachers? he may even able to get his own keyworker or t.a in class with him to help his confidence, also local ASD services might help you but specific to your area I am in Salisbury where they have a dedicated service all week available. search where you live or nearby 9same county)

    What does it mean for a child to be Statemented?
    A statement of special needs is a formal document detailing a child'slearning difficulties and the help that will be given. If your child needs help at school - beyond what their teachers can provide - a 'statementof special needs' will ensure they get the right help.

    if you don't already then get a statement for your son then the school will give more support and a teaching assistant extra inclass with your son or his own specific teaching assistant to go to all classes with him



  • Pippa_Alumni
    Pippa_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 5,798 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @kami24, thanks for your input here- it can be really helpful for people to hear from others who can relate. I've edited your comments together into one post, to help make the discussion easier to follow!
  • dolllady
    dolllady Member Posts: 5 Listener
    Thanks @kami24 my son has an ehcp which is the new statement alternative. It does detail his needs in there but unfortunately I haven’t been able to get him into school for them to put the support in place. He is just to anxious to go and I don’t know how to help him to be honest. X I have just been given a place on a parenting asd group so maybe someone there may be able to help. I just feel so useless 
  • Suzanne_HFAut54
    Suzanne_HFAut54 Member Posts: 14 Connected
    Hang on in there. That expression a problem shared is a problem halved doesn't quite fit here but being in a parenting asd group will definitely help. You will feel less alone. You don't say how old your son is. My son did not gain either a statement or an ehcp plan. His diagnosis was fudged till age 16 ! He completed his final year Inna medical unit but was much happier doing that than remaining in a large glass ' prison' as he called his school.
     Your son might not be inclined to attend while he knows he's unsupported. Secondary schools have a long way to go to provide the right kind of environment in which our children can feel safe whether they are neuro diverse or neuro typical.

    As far as he's concerned the support isn't there so why should he go. The schools Senco lead should be visiting him at home to ask him what he wants to happen, offer him different options, even introduce him to the people he will be working with. Reassurance and trust goes a long way as does flexibility. He should be able to work with a mindfulness counsellor to help allay any fears he might have. 

    Most importantly you have legal rights. Under the Autism act and Carers act you must be given the right infrastructure to support your family. It may well be that your son would benefit from a Positive Behaviour Support analysis. This comes under the learning Disability tram in your borough. It isn't just for help with challenging behaviour it looks at periods of non engagement, what brings them on, how to unlearn self perpetuating isolation. Look up pbs on the main links on www.bild.org.uk follow the sublinks to videos and eggs of how the Service works with the whole family.

    If you get threatened at any point by education welfare officers or any kind of penalty for your son's non attendance at school call in specialist law firms to assist like www.2ndopinionnow.com

    I wish you luck.
  • dolllady
    dolllady Member Posts: 5 Listener
    Thankyou so much @Suzanne_HFAut54 I did not know about the support under the Autism act and carers act or the positive behaviour support analysis. And I have been threatened by Education Welfare, I’m worried sick because I know that they will start again this coming term if he still is unable to attend. I agree that he is wary to attend when he knows there has never been adequate support. He is 15 in September and he has been failed by the system so far. Due to his high intelligence he was moved up a year in primary school despite my protests! This lead to a dramatic change in him as he was removed from his peers. he developed school phobia. On starting secondary school he did not receive any support which led to a further deterioration. He has no trust in schools at all. This new school are not filling me with much faith either from what they have said so far! May I ask, how is your son doing now? 


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