My son is 21, has aspergers and can't leave the house- advice?

debbie1967

my son has asbergus he can’t leave the house without someone and is getting depressed as he has no life he is 21 and wants a life how can I get him help please. 

Chloe_Alumni

Hi @debbie1967, I am really sorry to hear this! Has he been to the GP about feeling depressed? I would suggest looking at the National Autistic Society. They offer great support and advice for people like your son and can help with socialising and social isolation. I hope the community are able to offer some advice as well

Liam_Alumni

Hi @debbie1967, how are you getting on?

@VioletFenn, do you have any advice?

debbie1967

He was diagnosed at age 18 and I tried the NAS but the group they offered him was mostly older people he couldn’t face it. He pays for a support worker to take him out once a week but can’t afford more hours due to being on benefit. 
I feel cos of my mental health that I’m letting my son down I feel like a bad mum. 

Suzanne_HFAut54

My son  aged 24 who was diagnosed late at 16, has a befrienders he sees every 10 days or so via the Mind charity. Branches of the National Autistic Society vary from area to area. I find it wise to cast your net wider to gather in the mind of support you need. Also try Rethink and the Same charity. Also as an adult with special needs your council owes a duty of care under the Autism Act and to yiu under the Carers act if you are his designated carer. To get support for yourself join your boroughs Carers Network, have an assessment for your needs and you should qualify for a personal carers budget. They can also make sure that council staff liaise with you about your son's ability to be socially included. He could qualify for sessions with a personal NHS trainer to help with his level of fitness. If he is on medication of any kind you may also qualify for an Adult Social Care Complex needs assessment and a budget of care awarded which might include mentoring hours. 

You are a great mother who's temporarily at a crossroads looking for directions. 
There are plenty of guides on here to help you get where you want to go.
 

pjak

He will, maybe not today or tomorrow but some day soon and when he wants too when he's ready. You'll only reinforce any concern he may have with your worry as he may not understand why.

Sam_Alumni

Hi @debbie1967
What area are you in? We could see what resources are available near you?

vysvader

Hi dear @debbie1967,

One can seem to think that just the consequences of the isolation are circular, not the consequences of a randomly selected and often (by one or another) unwanted interpersonal interaction. He can be still attracted by material interests (work, science, maybe activist groups connected to scientific topics, art, dunno...) those are unrelated to socializing, however, bring him into a society sharing the same interests, favorite topics to talk about, and even sympathies shared by each other. Maybe, you can think that this is exactly the same as with anyone else. You can often see how males become friends just because they do a sport (together). In fact, it doesn't have to be a sport but the endorphins help. When I used to do bodybuilding (10 years ago, so I lost almost all muscles), in the average, the guys had got a double-triple the power of a normal average male on the streets, rather looked like from an action movie from 90' years. But they were almost all such friendly and relaxed... furthermore friendly than boys on the streets having just a half of my muscles. That's the male world.

Down to the ground... How do you imagine, "to go out of the home"? 

Best regards,
J. Vysvader