Dating and relationships
If this is your first visit, check out the community guide. You will have to Join us or Sign in before you can post.

be disable and gay

BazaladBazalad Member Posts: 21 Connected
Hi my name is Barry Smith, and I am 39 years old with Cerebral Palsy, I am in a power chair and use a Lightwriter to, what is a communication aide to. When I am in my house I move around on my bum. I am gay and I personal feel we need set-up reship group for disability people.  


  • Pippa_AlumniPippa_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 5,851 Disability Gamechanger
    Thanks for sharing this with us @Bazalad!
  • BazaladBazalad Member Posts: 21 Connected
    Type y

            How people who have Cerebral Palsy deal with relashionships in all type 


    Who i am and how I am writing this 

    Hello, I am Barry Smith and I am 39 years old, I have Cerebral Palsy which is a phyiscal disabillity, I am in a power chair and use a lightwriter to which is a communication aide. In this bite of writing we  

    our comment
  • WaylayWaylay Member Posts: 949 Pioneering
    I'm bi and disabled. A group would be great!
  • BazaladBazalad Member Posts: 21 Connected
    I personal feel gay disabillity people needed to start something up, on scope liked a safe net. because many disable get hart.
  • ricky1040ricky1040 Member Posts: 99 Pioneering
    yea guys i just posted about similar situation and its a toughie. grindr is fun but its not the same as meeting people for real and getting to know them. 
  • wilkowilko Member Posts: 2,355 Disability Gamechanger
    Yes, it’s not about what our sexual preferences but being accepted as who we are, a disabled person first who happens to be gay. Having ministered in the Gay christrian movement I know what problems bothe sexes have about being accepted in their Christian cummuties and churches. They have to live two separate lives while trying to maintain their religious beliefs and being gay. So being a gay disabled person should not and most not make you or us feel or be excluded from the rest of society.
  • BazaladBazalad Member Posts: 21 Connected
    I personal thing people should be told about us
  • chubbydaddychubbydaddy Member Posts: 4 Listener
    I suffer with arthritis and fibromyalgia and i'm gay.  I wanted a gay carer but my councils said they didn't not know of any care agency that is specifically for the LGBT+ community.  I found one in seconds and now have a great gay carer from the agency.  My biggest fear is as my health get progressively worse I will have to have supported care in a home, I do not and should not have to go back into the closet.  I'm from a generation that is still homophobic.  Much more has to be done for the LGBT+ community in their care.
  • Adrian_ScopeAdrian_Scope Testing team Posts: 8,001

    Scope community team

    Welcome to the community @chubbydaddy. This is an interesting issue and I have heard of plans for LGBT+-friendly care homes in London, but I'm not sure if there's anything similar going on local to you. You certainly shouldn't have to hide who you are. Do you think your carer might be able to suggest any solutions?
    Community Manager
  • Richard_ScopeRichard_Scope Posts: 2,838

    Scope community team

    Hi @chubbydaddy
    I was made aware of this organisation Alternative Care Services through my interactions with SHADA (Sexual Health and Disability Alliance). Hopefully, they will be a good starting point for you and allay some of your worries.
    Specialist Information Officer - Cerebral Palsy

    Want to tell us about your experience on the community? Talk to our chatbot and let us know. 
  • chubbydaddychubbydaddy Member Posts: 4 Listener
    Yes that is who I am now with the question is why didn't my Local Authority know about Alternative Care Services, they told me they do not have any links with an LGBTQ+ care service, Am I the only gay in my area that needs care? Come on Local Government get with it, gay lives matter.
  • Chloe_ScopeChloe_Scope Scope Posts: 10,653 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @chubbydaddy and a warm welcome to the community, I completely agree, your LA should have this information. How would you feel letting them know about it? The may be able to pass it on to the next person who asks. Please do keep us updated and you most certainly shouldn't have to hide.

  • chubbydaddychubbydaddy Member Posts: 4 Listener
    Sadly I did let them know and four months on they did not make any approach so I opted for direct payment and engaged Alternative Care Services myself.
  • Chloe_ScopeChloe_Scope Scope Posts: 10,653 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @chubbydaddy, I'm sorry to hear this, I am glad you managed to get your care sorted in the end though! Is it all working okay for you?

  • Connie00Connie00 Member Posts: 255 Pioneering

    Hello @chubbydaddy & @Bazalad      

    My Name is Connie00

    I am one off the community Champion’s here at Scope.  it’s really nice to meet you both

    A very warm welcome to the Community. I trust you are both having a good day today

    I was interested in reading both your posts, thank you both for sharing, it doesn’t matter what your sexual preference are, here at scope we welcome people from all walks of life,

    please feel free to have a look around our online community, and join in, we welcome new blood and would welcome your opinion. Here at Scope we do not discriminate in any way shape or form, and if you find that someone is not right with you, please let us know.

    As for starting your own group on here I’m not sure that’s how scope works, I may be wrong, if I am im sure someone will tell me,  we are here to lead help and guide. Now there is nothing wrong with starting a discussion on the forum, but it must be open to everyone to voice their opinion

    if we can be of any assistance to you please don’t hesitate to contact us,

    Enjoy the rest of your day

    @connie00   :) 

  • ricky1040ricky1040 Member Posts: 99 Pioneering
    i dont really understand the need to have a gay carer @chubbydaddy. sexuality should not come into it whatsoever? Please explain how this would be benificial? Maybe im missing the point? 
  • chubbydaddychubbydaddy Member Posts: 4 Listener
    I have never stood naked infront of a woman and prefer that a gay man cleans all my bits, Its also my right to have who I want as a carer.  I feel must more comfortable with a gay man as my carer, someone who will not look at the photos of me with my lover and make a comment which is homophobic, yes it does happen.  I need someone who can fully understand where i'm coming from.  The relationship between carer and care user is a close one, if its done right.
  • ricky1040ricky1040 Member Posts: 99 Pioneering
    Ok i appreciate where you are coming from. But from a care point of view the gender or sexuality shouldnt come into it. Both ways. Absolutely noone has the right to be homophobic. If they are they shouldnt be in the position they are. 

    I dont agree you have the right to choose unless you are privately funding your care. If its nhs based i think so long as the person is providing the right care and treats you well then thats all that matters.

    Saying that i really hope you get sorted and get the care you need. Good luck

  • Sam_AlumniSam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,729 Disability Gamechanger
    Thanks so much @Richard_Scope for sharing that link to Alternative Care Services - it's not one I have seen before either but I am bookmarking that link.

    I'm sorry to hear you feel let down @chubbydaddy and I am glad you have found a carer that is right for you.

    I am not sure about the rights of choosing the sexuality of care staff through NHS carers, though you can request a male or female doctor and if they are available they should try their best to accommodate you.

    Of course, all carers or personal assistants should be respectful of the people they are supporting, but I can understand your desire to have someone who you feel understands where you are coming from.
    Senior online community officer
Sign in or join us to comment.