Struggling to cope with benefits issues and my mum's death

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Comments

  • 28hopel
    28hopel Community member Posts: 16 Connected
    It was our beautiful mams 1st anniversary of her death on 4th August me and my sister isn't coping well talking to someone didn't help my mam said on my 1st anniversary will yours be together , so I asked my son and he said yes , the day before me and my sister got a beautiful photo done of my mam and got her some beautiful flowers.  The day cime and there was no text from my son until 5pm asking how we were .
    I didn't say anything until a few days later my son was out and my grandson said me daddy mammy nanna granddad grandma and 2 others went on a picnic.  I felt hurt my son couldn't spend 5 minutes with us but had time for his partner's family I said I really wanted to spend time with you more importantly nanna wanted us to he said nothing is it me feeling bad about this or is it ok ? 
    It's like it's just happened we just find it impossible to live without our mam .
    Sorry about this its just we have noone 
  • saz11
    saz11 Community member Posts: 121 Empowering
    @28hopel

    Hi i am quite new to the community and just come your post. Reading your post reminds me of myself. I also lost my beautiful mum and my whole world fell apart. 

    My family also got on with their lives were i couldn't and i felt jealous that my life stood still. Fast forward 3 years and i am happy to say i am coping and letting other family members cope in their own  way. 

    I know my mum would hate for me to continue struggling and isolating myself. Don't get me wrong it has taken a very long time but i believe she is up there making me stronger by the day. She loved life and wouldnt  want me to waste mine being unhappy. Keep smiling we were both very lucky to have had such beautiful ladies in our life .
  • 28hopel
    28hopel Community member Posts: 16 Connected
    Sending lots of love ?
  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Community member Posts: 6,283 Championing
    Hello @28hopel Thank you for contacting the community and sharing your post.

    Sorry to hear this I know grief is something that is not easy to deal with. A lot of sensitivity and a kind approach.  Being supportive.

    One of the important things about remembering the loss of some one is the memory keeping them in your hearts and minds.

    Words and talking so help.

    I would think about talking to cruse. This is a bereavement charity and very much good dealing with what you going through.

    You need compassion, reassurance and some one who understand this organisation does that.

    I used them myself when my former friends passed away from addiction.  Being lonely and struggling to cope.

    Used them.

    https://www.cruse.org.uk.

    Helpline 0808 808 1677.

    Hope that helps. They trained professionals.

    Another organisation is to speak to your local Church. Your do not have to be religious to be talking to someone like a Priest.

    Can be very comforting.  

    I am sorry what you are going through.  Also we are here as a community to listen and be supportive.

    Please if I can help with any thing further please ask. Your a member of our community.

    Please take care.

    @thespiceman


  • saz11
    saz11 Community member Posts: 121 Empowering
    @28hopel

    How are you today ? 
  • Chloe_Scope
    Chloe_Scope Scope Posts: 10,511 Championing
    Hi @28hopel, I don't think we have 'met' yet, so a warm hello from me.

    I know an anniversary can be very difficult, so thank you for reaching out. You're allowed to feel however you want, and no one can say your feelings are invalid. It would have been a hard day to be alone for, so I can completely see why you would have wanted your son there. Have you ever had bereavement counselling? Here is a list of services which may be helpful.

    How are you feeling today?
  • 28hopel
    28hopel Community member Posts: 16 Connected
    Thank you I have tried that but it didn't help I just feel lost I cared for my beautiful mam 24/7 and I miss that so much. 
    My mam brought us up on her own as her husband hit her my mam done without to give to us and I always said when I get a job I will always look after you the drs wanted to give up on my mam a long time ago but I wouldn't allow them too my mam thanked me which I said there is no need you are my world ?
    I just want my mam back 
  • Chloe_Scope
    Chloe_Scope Scope Posts: 10,511 Championing
    I'm sorry that it didn't help and completely hear what you are saying. It can be so difficult and painful when we have lost someone so close to us, especially if you cared for her.

    You mam was very lucky to have you there to support her and I'm sure she really did appreciate this.

    What you are feeling is completely valid and understandable. Have you been able to open up to anyone about how you are feeling?
  • 28hopel
    28hopel Community member Posts: 16 Connected
    No everyone I spoke to said to move on 
    Thanks 
  • Chloe_Scope
    Chloe_Scope Scope Posts: 10,511 Championing
    I'm sorry to hear that @28hopel. It may be really helpful to use the Cruise helpline if you are having a bad day, they'll always listen. :)

    https://www.cruse.org.uk.

    Helpline 0808 808 1677.
  • saz11
    saz11 Community member Posts: 121 Empowering
    @28hopel

    People not going through grief dont always see things in the same way as someone who is. It used to infuriate me when people said move on thats until i changed my thought process and realised for them it wasn't that they didn't care or want to be there it was they just weren't in my situation .

    No one understands the pain you feel having to live without your mum only you and no one has the right too tell you to move on. When the time is right you will learn to cope with life being different but you will never ever forget x 

    Anytime you need a chat i am here x 

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