Struggling to cope with benefits issues and my mum's death — Scope | Disability forum
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Struggling to cope with benefits issues and my mum's death

28hopel
28hopel Member Posts: 16 Connected
Hi in 2001 I got my small pension from my employees due to my ill health on top esa keep on checking how much I get to work out if I can still get this benefit I’m in a wheelchair and after being hurt my a family member as a child I suffer from very bad depression but my world stopped on 4/8/18 my mam died I just cannot cope with the loss I got a letter saying I have to go for a medical to see if I can go to work my dr got me in touch with someone to try to stop as they say I’m just not fit enough the lady  from esa said no at first and then said my gp can write a letter and fax it my medical in 17/10/18 the problem is my gp isn’t back until Tuesday so it’s too late my gp even wanted to do a sick note but didn’t get a answer the lady at the doctors said you are not fit at all I feel so bad she is going to change her appointments to be there with me 
I cannot cope with people beside me I’m afraid of everyone but more thing that hurts is how cold they were to me they just didn’t care about the death of my beautiful mam I cry all of the time
they don’t know my medical history my mental health team and drs do  
on top of this my beautiful mam didn’t have insurance so I have to pay the funeral off monthly £3500 just cannot cope 


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Comments

  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Member Posts: 6,389 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @28hopel Pleased to meet you.

    Sorry what has happened. I do know the community understands what you are going through.  Offer words of comfort and try to help you much as I can. 

    I am one of the community champions on the forum offer reassurance, guidance and advise if I can the best and right information. You are not alone . Anytime ready to listen.

    We as a community can support you and help and advise you.

    Given the information you have stated I would suggest first trying to get some support for your bereavement . I know this is difficult and not easy to deal with.

    Have a look on line  for CRUSE they help with bereavement  .  Hope that helps.  Also speak to one of our team 808 800 3333

    Understand the issues and problems surrounding ESA.

    Citizens Advice have lots of information on their website on ESA.

    Also may I add I am asking if you feel the need to talk to some one  speak to  The Samaritans on 116 123.  free.

    Consider speaking to MIND or look at their website.  They have a lot of information.  To reassure you . Looking at your mental health.

    Please if we can advise please ask.  Some one from our community will be in touch.

    I know the issues and problems around ESA I would suggest if I can advise further have some one to support through this if you can.

    Please take care.

    Always in prayers and thoughts.

    @thespiceman


    Community Champion
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  • Ami2301
    Ami2301 Community Co-Production Group Posts: 7,946 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @28hopel welcome to the community

    I am so sorry for what you're going through. My thoughts are with you.

    Its good that you have a very supportive GP. In regards to your ESA I am unsure how to advise, I'm sorry. There are lots of knowledgeable members in the community who will be able to help you and will be in contact with you soon.

    If there is anything else that we can do for you or if you ever need to talk then please do not hesitate to let us know! :)
    Disability Gamechanger - 2019
  • 28hopel
    28hopel Member Posts: 16 Connected
    Thank you i have totally lost it I just want my mam back she was so rude on the phone 
  • Ami2301
    Ami2301 Community Co-Production Group Posts: 7,946 Disability Gamechanger
    If you ever would like to talk about your mum to us, you're more than welcome to, if it helps you. We are here for you :)
    Disability Gamechanger - 2019
  • Sam_Alumni
    Sam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,676 Disability Gamechanger
    Im so sorry for your loss @28hopel
    It might help for you to give the Scope helpline a call on 0808 800 3333 and then you can speak directly to one of our helpline staff who are so knowledgeable and offer amazing support.
    Grief is so hard to deal with and the loss of someone so special to you must be really tough, as @thespiceman said, you could take a look at the Cruse website - they are a bereavement care specialist and may be able to support you though your loss,
    You arent alone, we have a caring and friendly community here, so do chat with us and let us know how you are getting on.
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • topshoes
    topshoes Member Posts: 442 Pioneering
    Hi @28hopel , I am so sorry for your loss , Bereavement is one of the worse things any one can go through , people do not understand ,  unless they have loss someone themself , I for one can  understand you the world just stop for the person who has loss your world has  standstill where everyone is doing there own thing , if you go to your drs they should have phone nos for who you can phone .I'm always here if you need to talk
  • topshoes
    topshoes Member Posts: 442 Pioneering
    @28hopel try the no's sam-scope give you , the Samaritans you can phone up and talk 24/7 hope this helps you to talk to someone about your loss xxxx
  • 28hopel
    28hopel Member Posts: 16 Connected
    Thanks I have to go for the medical on 17/10/18 I’m in a wheelchair so I had to loan money from a friend for a taxi £14 each way they is from my gp going with me but I just cannot cope I had an evil dad and brother as a child and I cannot cope anyone near me .
    my employer retired me on the ground of ill health I get a pension and I was put into a support group. I just want my mam I just don’t care anymore  
  • topshoes
    topshoes Member Posts: 442 Pioneering
    @28hopel yes it sure is a hard time for you at the moment @28hopel your life has been turn upside down ,and inside out, you are angry and upset and why  should you not be,i do understand , there is no rights or worng of lossing someone you love,  so is this a assessment for them to get you to go to work ? are your sick notes up to date ? some people just like being on there own at a time like this and some people dont ,so is there any one you can talk to who you know who can just listen to you at all , keep in there  xxxx
  • 28hopel
    28hopel Member Posts: 16 Connected
    The esa said years ago I don’t need sick notes 
    i tried talking when I was rapped when I was little but she blamed me she said I have no right to take there powder away so I’m afraid of everything and every body.
    Thank you 
  • poppy123456
    poppy123456 Member Posts: 28,627 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi,

    I'm sorry to hear this!

    They can reassess you at anytime for ESA and most people have face to face assessments, it's rare to have a paper based decision. If you're already in one of the groups then no you don't need a sick note but you'll need evidence to support your claim to prove that you're still not fit for work.

    During the assessment they will ask you questions based on your ability to do any type of work. You should answer those questions and tell them how your conditions affect you.

    Have you asked for a home assessment? You'll need a letter from your GP for this, stating the reasons why you can't attend one of their assessment centres but they can still refuse the home assessment.

    After you've had your assessment a report will be sent back to DWP with recommendations in it. From this a decision maker will then decide to keep you in one of the groups or not.

    Good luck!
  • topshoes
    topshoes Member Posts: 442 Pioneering
    who blame you , how old was you 28hopel can i ask x  people who do this sort of thing yes they think they can do what they want because they are stronger / older   got power and so on  then the  person / people but do you know what they are sick in the head they know no one is going to say any think why because no one would believe them that person whos got load of mates who think they know him , times have change , have you told your dr about every think whats happend in your life  xxxx
  • 28hopel
    28hopel Member Posts: 16 Connected
    The counselor said it I was 6 and it went on for years it was my dad and brother the same happened to my sister they said they would hurt my beautiful mam but the pig would hit my mams head off the wall my mam was so afraid that’s why when I lost my mam I lost my whole world ? seeing my mam dying was my nightmare we were together 55 years thank you 
  • topshoes
    topshoes Member Posts: 442 Pioneering
    i am sorry to hear that ,how is your sister , is your brother still alive ,yes us mums keep our children safe the best we can  out of harms way dont matter how old they are ,and even when they move on and leve home you still worry about them , what did your mum die of my i ask x, did you brother hit you mum too , at the end of the day it is good to talk and get it all out so to speak ,xxxx 
  • 28hopel
    28hopel Member Posts: 16 Connected
    My beautiful mam died of Sepsis no my sister is the same as me brother still alive ? 
  • topshoes
    topshoes Member Posts: 442 Pioneering
    im so sorry to hear that xx have you got the support of your sister , has he got children xxxx
  • 28hopel
    28hopel Member Posts: 16 Connected
    They are grown up now have nothing to do with them I told my mam I never wanted my son to see them unknown to me my mam took him the low life done the same to my son ?? god not my son that’s when I told my beautiful mam I feel sick ? 
  • topshoes
    topshoes Member Posts: 442 Pioneering
    o dear that not good , have you or your sister thought about going to the your drs so they know about whats gone on , i know life is not easy at times . xxxx
  • 28hopel
    28hopel Member Posts: 16 Connected
    My drs know 
    thank you 
  • topshoes
    topshoes Member Posts: 442 Pioneering
    thats good ,  have a good night sleep and always here for you xxxx

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