Dating and relationships
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Please help. This is my problem.

CloudJohnCloudJohn Member Posts: 4 Listener
edited October 2018 in Dating and relationships
 I met him first at my new job, from the first time there was something spical. He was different with me, some times he like to be close when we sit together and whenever I show interest he became different but when I act the same and ignore him, he tried to be close again! He confused me a lot. There was a lot of deep eye contacts with him, his pupils grew bigger when he was with me. when he sat next to me, he tired to hide his breath from me! he also touched his hair and face a lot when I'm around him. His tone become different with me and he barely sollow his saliva.

He can't even stabilizes in his chair when I'm with him. I also watch his eyes when he looks in every details of my clothes hands or any thing about me! He likes to say some funny comments when I do something funny! He also sometimes acts like fool when I'm with him . Also, whenever something happened between us, he turned on loud music and sit alone working. He even talked about his previous relationships and when I asked him if he is married and asked me if I can divorce in my country! 

My problem is that when I knew that he got to travel for 2 or one month then come back again but not working with me, I decided to make the first step before I lose him. I did so but never said that I love him, at the bigining he was soft with me and open to talk to me secretly on whatsapp but when I asked him if I'm not the only one who feel like that, he refused to tell me and said too many things like I'm married and he can't do that or like he can't do relationships with staff!

Or whatspp is an option but it is not what he is looking for! And he tired to ask me many time what I'm looking for from him but I didn't gave him a clear answer coz I just have that strong feelings and I'm confused what should I do. I even asked him to met me and kiss him on his cheek. Then I kissed him two times quikly before the day he left, the last one he told me to stop! And every time I kissed him he smiled and blushed! 

Yesterday I tried to text him again and I was honest, told him that he know nothing about my life and my deppressed and sadness for years and I don't want even to talk about it . And I asked to please not judged me coz I'm not that kind of person and what I'm doing is wrong but I know its right in my heart and I want to follow it coz I don't want to rejert later if I do nothing. I also asked if he want my pic he said he still remeber me!

Every time I asked him to say if I'm not the only one who has feelings, he don't give me a clear answer or deny it! He just say this is not the point! I also told him that I'm not playing and I know that what he is saying is not what he wants and his eyes revels it but he didn't deny it! He just be sorry if he give me the wrong impression! Or any hope! And that he can't do what it makes him feel wrong. And playing with me on things that he consider important is not something he want to do. I told him I feel like I have been broken after I was feeling alive.

I told him I will try to stop and promise if just be honest but he didn't ,then I told him to be save and take care of himself and even if I miss him I'll try to control myself and said bye to each other and he wish my life become better! I'm married yeah but actually since the honeymoon I was unhappy and got a lot of problems with my husband and I tried to divorced many times!

I just want to know if he loves me or not and what he is thinking of? Did pushed me away coz I'm married? Please I need help I'm really broken. I never felt these stronge emotions before.

What should I do? 


  • Ami2301Ami2301 Community Co-Production Group Posts: 7,912 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @CloudJohn welcome to the communityI!

    Sorry to hear what has happened, I do hope you get some answers!
    Disability Gamechanger - 2019
  • Sam_AlumniSam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,729 Disability Gamechanger
    edited October 2018
    Hi @CloudJohn
    Thank you for sharing, it sounds like you have a lot to figure out right now.  

    It sounds like you are unhappy in your marriage and perhaps that is something you need to resolve before looking for other relationships? You say you have tried to divorce a few times, why has this not gone through?

    Relate is an agency that supports people in relationships, they offer a Live Chat facility that allows you to talk to a trained relationship counsellor in real time. Sessions usually last around 25 minutes, it's free and completely confidential. You can find this here.

    The CAB have this information about divorce:

    You can get divorced without needing a solicitor or going to court if you and your ex-partner can agree you both want a divorce, and on the reason why.
    You don’t always need your partner to agree they want a divorce but you’ll save time and money if you both agree.

    The divorce process will end your marriage. You’ll still need to work out what to do with your money, property and children separately.
    If you agree on your divorce and the reasons why, getting a divorce legally finalised will take 4 to 6 months.
    Don’t use websites that promise cheap divorce packages. You’ll still have to pay the divorce application fee.

    Before you apply
    You should try to agree your reason for your divorce with your ex-partner. Find out more about which of the 5 facts you should use, known as ‘grounds for divorce’ to show your marriage has broken down.

    You can search for a solicitor on The Law Society website
    Your nearest Citizens Advice can help you too.  
    Senior online community officer
  • CloudJohnCloudJohn Member Posts: 4 Listener
    edited October 2018
    Thanks for your respond but this not what I'm looking for. If this man be honest to me and show me his feelings, I would do this time a solution to my marriage.

  • Laura99Laura99 Member Posts: 62 Courageous
    CloudJohn, I cannot make head nor tail of your post.  Have you considered using punctuation and paragraphs in your prose?
  • CloudJohnCloudJohn Member Posts: 4 Listener
    Laura99 said:
    CloudJohn, I cannot make head nor tail of your post.  Have you considered using punctuation and paragraphs in your prose?

    Sorry English is not my first language.
  • Laura99Laura99 Member Posts: 62 Courageous
    Okay - but it still doesn't make much sense. What help, exactly, are you seeking?
  • wilkowilko Member Posts: 2,398 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello people I know this forum is about giving help and advice but we are not a marrage guidance service, and the poster should seek advice from relate or other services.
  • mossycowmossycow Member Posts: 499 Pioneering
    Hi there, 
    My concern isn't that you are married but, you say

    "he can't do that or like he can't do relationships with staff!" 

    So are you staff where he is using a service? Are you in a caring role? 

    Would you mind explaining the situation and how you met? 

    Also  I think your English is impressive and I understood fine. We are here to support each other not grade each others papers! 

    "I'm trying to live like a random poem I read that ended 'to bloom where we are planted"

  • mossycowmossycow Member Posts: 499 Pioneering

    Just as a side note, this post is about sex and relationships and it's in the sex and relationships part of a community where all aspects of life as a disabled person are talked about in a positive space.

    If folks don't want to read or reply then just click to a different part of the community but I don't feel any of us have the right to pick faults in written language, criticise someone's post or suggest that they don't use this community but just get some marriage counselling.

    Have you ever tried to access relate? There is money involved, not available in many languages, the building relate is in near me I can't even get my wheelchair in so getting marriage counselling isn't always easy especially when wanting advice away from your partner. 

    @CloudJohn please don't be discouraged from posting. 

    "I'm trying to live like a random poem I read that ended 'to bloom where we are planted"

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