I met him first at my new job, from the first time there was something spical. He was different with me, some times he like to be close when we sit together and whenever I show interest he became different but when I act the same and ignore him, he tried to be close again! He confused me a lot. There was a lot of deep eye contacts with him, his pupils grew bigger when he was with me. when he sat next to me, he tired to hide his breath from me! he also touched his hair and face a lot when I'm around him. His tone become different with me and he barely sollow his saliva.
He can't even stabilizes in his chair when I'm with him. I also watch his eyes when he looks in every details of my clothes hands or any thing about me! He likes to say some funny comments when I do something funny! He also sometimes acts like fool when I'm with him . Also, whenever something happened between us, he turned on loud music and sit alone working. He even talked about his previous relationships and when I asked him if he is married and asked me if I can divorce in my country!
My problem is that when I knew that he got to travel for 2 or one month then come back again but not working with me, I decided to make the first step before I lose him. I did so but never said that I love him, at the bigining he was soft with me and open to talk to me secretly on whatsapp but when I asked him if I'm not the only one who feel like that, he refused to tell me and said too many things like I'm married and he can't do that or like he can't do relationships with staff!
Or whatspp is an option but it is not what he is looking for! And he tired to ask me many time what I'm looking for from him but I didn't gave him a clear answer coz I just have that strong feelings and I'm confused what should I do. I even asked him to met me and kiss him on his cheek. Then I kissed him two times quikly before the day he left, the last one he told me to stop! And every time I kissed him he smiled and blushed!
Yesterday I tried to text him again and I was honest, told him that he know nothing about my life and my deppressed and sadness for years and I don't want even to talk about it . And I asked to please not judged me coz I'm not that kind of person and what I'm doing is wrong but I know its right in my heart and I want to follow it coz I don't want to rejert later if I do nothing. I also asked if he want my pic he said he still remeber me!
Every time I asked him to say if I'm not the only one who has feelings, he don't give me a clear answer or deny it! He just say this is not the point! I also told him that I'm not playing and I know that what he is saying is not what he wants and his eyes revels it but he didn't deny it! He just be sorry if he give me the wrong impression! Or any hope! And that he can't do what it makes him feel wrong. And playing with me on things that he consider important is not something he want to do. I told him I feel like I have been broken after I was feeling alive.
I told him I will try to stop and promise if just be honest but he didn't ,then I told him to be save and take care of himself and even if I miss him I'll try to control myself and said bye to each other and he wish my life become better! I'm married yeah but actually since the honeymoon I was unhappy and got a lot of problems with my husband and I tried to divorced many times!
I just want to know if he loves me or not and what he is thinking of? Did pushed me away coz I'm married? Please I need help I'm really broken. I never felt these stronge emotions before.
What should I do?
