Fed up of other people's advice! — Scope | Disability forum
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Fed up of other people's advice!

ellyphant Member Posts: 1 Listener
I'm a uni student and going through exams at the moment. My disabilities make exam time very stressful and more difficult, and I receive reasonable adjustments for these (extra time, extenuating circumstances meaning I can resit without penalisation). I'm having a really difficult time at the minute, and when I've tried to just let off stream about exams (we all need a moan sometimes), my non-disabled housemates say "oh stop moaning you get extra time/can resit", or worse still propose "advice". One has gone so far as to diagnose me (based on absolutely nothing, certainly not realising that maybe I or even all the doctors and qualified professionals I've seen over the past 9 years may have a better idea), and I'm absolutely fed up. :s I just want to feel like I can moan without it being dismissed as me somehow having it easy, nor getting asked "have you tried paracetomol?" or some other equally useless suggestion. The "friend" who "diagnosed" me doesn't see anything wrong with it or understand why I'm upset, and the whole situation has made me so angry that I don't feel like I can discuss it in a productive way. I don't think it's fair I should have to spend time and energy educating them on why I'm upset and why that's not an appropriate way to talk to disabled people, because I barely have the time and energy to be functioning at all.

Anyone got any tips of how to stop "friendly advice" like this? Or how to tell someone to politely **** off?

Thanks in advance  <3 


  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Member Posts: 6,390 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @ellyphant   Pleased to meet you welcome.

    Thank you for joining and sharing.  Sorry what you are going through.

    I am one of the team of community champions who advise and help new members who join.

    Understand if your having some issues with some one. I know exams for every one who does them are stressful and full of anxiety.

    May I suggest write that person a letter explaining the reasons why. You need to add in your own words. Be polite and just say in a tactful way.

    Be aware if you need space and time to adjust to the situation that is causing you the problems . Your exams finds some ways to let off steam.

    Could be relaxation techniques, yoga or meditation.

    Speak to those concerns if not wishing to write letter asking for a meeting.  Those concerned. Say how you feel by writing it down and informing them.

    I have done this myself several times .

    Other suggestions speak  to some one in welfare support in your University about this. Something to look at . Need to talk about this.

    I hope this helps.

    Please take care.


    Community Champion
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  • mikehughescq
    mikehughescq Member Posts: 7,431 Disability Gamechanger
    Are your non-disabled housemates also doing exams? If they are then I’d say you maybe need to think very carefully about the issue from their perspective. Exams are stressful for everyone and the laying your exam stress on someone going through their own experience of the same isn’t really fair on anyone.

    By “moaning” what you’re talking about is stress relief. I agree with @thespiceman that if things get to the point where you need to let things out in such a way you might also want to explore other means of stress relief. It should also not be a surprise that if you want to moan at someone they believe you’re looking for a solution and want to offer one no matter how misguided. Equally, it’s a tad harsh to complain about having to spend time explaining. If you don’t explain you have no right to expect them to magically know. 
  • steve51
    steve51 Member Posts: 7,154 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @mikehughescq

    Good morning & Welcome!!!

    How are things going today  


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