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Feeling very anxious and fearful about the past and the future

onelife

Does anyone have trouble putting the past and the future out of your mind? I feel persecuted by intrusive negative thoughts from the past and terrible worrying about the future. Right now I am panicking that I just don't have a future, everything I have done in the past has just never worked out, I have left about a dozen jobs due to anxiety and fears over trouble with people at work. Now I have been unemployed for nearly 9 years and living on benefits.

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debbiedo49

Hi ,
I suffer from anxiety and depression and anxiety understand where you are coming from. First of all, are you getting any help or support with this? Secondly, are you interested in trying out ways to help lessen your anxiety as I'm sure folks here could suggest ways to help yourself if that's useful? Personally, I know you have to be at the right stage in your mind to be able to do this but we all start somewhere. I don't want to go on too much but just know you are not alone and message me if you want to chat please.

mossycow

Aye its all ******* terrifying isn't it. Some days I wo der why everyone and everything on earth is bothering when everything is destined to just die anyway.... But then I get distracted by the joys of being a live and understand why the bother is other all worth it...

I agree with above poster, how I cope is

A) get as much help as I need/want from my gp. In the past that has been medium term medication and/or talking therapy which has really helped. At the moment I take no medication for my anxiety except very occasional betat blockers.

not allowing myself to be influenced as much by stuff that gets me down. This sounds really selfish but, sometimes looking after yourself is! I limit how much bad news I take on, I don't watch scary or upsetting TV and films. I ask my husband to deal with post as that's a bit of a trigger .

C) proactively enjoy good stuff. I take the park route into town. I love ducks... They make my tummy feel happy.... I watch happy cheesy feel good stuff, I allow myself to enjoy seeing people enjoy food give myself a little space. All of this is as medically necessary as anything else I do for myself.

D) gain perspective. I enjoy watching History and wildlife stuff... Both give me perspective. I am just some random atoms that have got together in the middle of this massive planet in the midsts of time...... So what do I care?! Heehee... Helps me a bit! People a thousand years ago didn't 'have a job' they just did stuff to help themselves and their family survive. That's what you're doing right? Animals don't seek employment.... Etc... Get help with finding a job but don't beat yourself up. I can't work anymore.

E) distract myself with stuff. Getting tea ready, looking after my daughter, my plants, my pets husband etc.... I'm physically disabled so that all takes a lot of effort. Wear myself out and I have much less anxious time.

onelife

Thanks @mossycow I'll read and re-read what you have said. I'm just finding things really hard right because of my past failures and broken relationships,

mossycow

How do you feel about them? That it's because of how you are and therefore nothing will go right in the future?

onelife

I feel angry and hurt by what they have said and done in the past and that they won't apologise. In fact, my brother has never apologised for anything in his life growing up. My Dad has only apologised twice to me in my life. It can't be because they hardly ever or never make a mistake. But they won't contact me with an apology after all these years so I guess I need to forgive them and move on without them in my life.

mossycow

Yeah that's really hard.. But I suspect the healthy thing to do.

Have you done any counselling /talking therapy etc ?

I was very sceptical and to be honest thought counselling was a bit... Well not for me. But it was great.!

I do think it's hard to move forward when stuff like that is holding you back. With family it's harder as there's always a link to them.

Do you still see them and stuff?

onelife

I haven't seen or spoken to my brother since 1990/91 and I haven't seen or spoken to my Dad since 2000. I just don't trust them anymore to be honest with me and get things sorted out. The last communication I had from my brother was an email in 2011 in which he called me a loser, a dumbass, weirdo , a thickie and a sociopath so I don't want anything more to do with him. I can't trust my dad anymore especially after he changed the locks on the house and locked me out with nowhere to go. I had to sleep rough before I could get back in again.

onelife

I am going to start counselling soon I hope, my GP arranged that for me about 2 weeks ago. I have had counselling before and have never really found it very useful but there doesn't seem to be anything else I can do or anyone else I can speak to. I am trying to put off calling The Samaritans as I'm really scared I'll get so upset on the phone that I won't be able to get out of my system what I need.

onelife

I feel like I just want someone to take over my life as it feels intolerable.

Antonia_Alumni

Hi @onelife how are you doing today? I am sorry to hear about this and thank you for sharing this with us.
Have you started counselling, if so how is it going?

onelife

I am still struggling with anxiety. Why can't someone do something to help me? Still waiting for counselling.

Sam_Alumni

Hi @onelife
I am so sorry to hear you are still struggling and havent got the councelling yet. Please do reconsider calling the Samaritans, they are trained to support and they won't judge you if you get very upset. You can call them on 116 123, they say:

Talk to us any time you like, in your own way, and off the record – about whatever’s getting to you.
You don’t have to be suicidal.

onelife

I have tried calling The Samaritans but it just didn't help

onelife

I am on medication and I just feel so angry and fearful all the time unable to relax properly, I tense in bed then force myself to relax, then I tense again and so it goes on so I never get properly rested. It just feels like no-one I see really cares or is interested.

Deb_Alumni

@onelife we are so sorry to hear that you are struggling today. It is disappointing that you were not able to find support and help from The Samaritans, but you could try them again if you feel able to.

We hope that you are finding support from our community, as I can see many members have shared their experiences and words of support with you. We do care here on the community and will try and help you.

We are sorry that you feel angry and fearful all the time. Have you tried the MIND website to see if they have some methods of relaxing that might help you to be calmer and relax? Here is the link again for you.

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/suicidal-feelings/how-can-i-help-myself/

I know we have said this before to you on other boards but if you feel that you may be in any immediate danger to yourself, please call 999 or go to your local hospital right away.

Best wishes

Debbie

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