To damaged — Scope | Disability forum
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To damaged

jaycybabes Member Posts: 6 Listener
I've not been in a relationship for 5 yrs now so i thought I'd give a datingsite a try. I got a lot more likes then i could ever imagine but once i explained that due to back surgery for sciatica going wrong I'm now having to walk full time with the aid of crutches. Once i explained this nobody wanted to know me and even had one woman who at the beginning of talking kept saying she really fancied me, but once i explained my situation she said people like me shouldn't date and that it would be embarrassing for to date a disabled man. This has knocked my confidence t through the floor so much i hardly leave my house now. I just wanted to ask do a lot of woman agree with what i was told!


  • martins
    martins Member Posts: 30 Connected
    No not all women. However there are people in this world who are nasty. For what you have said this woman has only seen the crutches and your disability she hasn't bothered to look deeper at the person. Remember everyone has a disability  just so.e you can see and others you can't.

    You will in time find someone who sees you!!!
    Just keep in mind what goes around comes around and that nasty woman's comments might come.e back to bit her.
    Take care and keep positive
  • Roddy
    Roddy Member Posts: 406 Pioneering
    Hi @jaycybabes

    I think it's absolutely disgraceful AND inexcusable for any person (man or woman) to behave in the way that you have experienced on a dating site. 

    I would personally contact the dating site itself and report this woman's disgusting behaviour towards you, and insist that she is removed from the site. It is a blatant act of discrimination against you as a disabled person, and the site should take such matters very seriously. 

    As for the woman herself, she doesn't deserve you, and if this is the way she conducts herself the  she doesn't deserve anybody else either. She should hang her head in shame.    
  • jaycybabes
    jaycybabes Member Posts: 6 Listener
    Just wanted to say a massive thank to the people replied to my last post its very much appreciated. Think i'm just going to have face the hard truth that i'm going to be alone for the rest of my life.  I'd love nothing more then to be in a relationship, to have a lady to snuggle up with while watching a film and to make plans to have holidays with. The only other thing I'd even be happy for is to just have a one night stand with so i could feel like a "normal" person for a few hrs and prove to myself I'm not completely damaged as mentioned in my last post. That's probably not going happen either as what that so called "woman" said about me I've got no confidence to go out anywhere to socialize. I'm at the stage now I've even been looking to hire a female escort but because i can last 2hrs+ the price for a visit to mine is over £200 which is money i can't really afford to waste .
    Life's a **** and then you die . So true
  • Adrian_Scope
    Adrian_Scope Posts: 8,576 Scope online community team
    Hello @jaycybabes, I'm sorry to read about your dating site experience. It's appalling that anybody would speak to someone in that way and I'm quite worried about how this might have affected your self-esteem. If you think it has, you might find MIND's tips to improving self-esteem quite useful. You're most definitely not damaged and many disabled people enjoy fulfilling relationships, so please don't discount yourself.
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  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Member Posts: 6,389 Disability Gamechanger

    Hello @jaycybabes.  Pleased to meet you . Sorry to hear of your experiences and some problems with dating some one.

    One suggestion I found was volunteering.  Contact your local council volunteer bureau or unit. Could be useful to talk to SCOPE.

    Might help.  Using any talents, skills you may have to good use.

    Make a list of talents, skills and abilities you have.  Set some aims and goals.  Small steps.  Could be maybe looking at lifestyle courses.

    Many councils have lifestyle courses run by their wellbeing community units.  They are often free and you be amazed given the opportunity how many are useful.

    Plus you meet people.  In their own environment. Not a pub or a nightclub or a restaurant. 

    Another place I used to go a lot is the library or Art Galleries or Museums.Built up my knowledge and with that that of your course you come into contact with people. Which I ended up doing various courses related.

    Also remember doing simple pleasures in life can have its rewards. . Helping some one in the community.

    Every one needs some self esteem and this boost confidence. Find some thing your good at. Then use that to further boost your wellbeing.

    Hope this gives you some ideas.

    Always here to be supportive.

    Please take care.


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