What do you have a hard time saying “no” to? — Scope | Disability forum
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What do you have a hard time saying “no” to?

Tammyjane33
Tammyjane33 Member Posts: 683 Pioneering
This is a tricky question. 
I find I can be too nice for my own good sometimes and in the past I have always been the "yes" person but I have learnt that in some cases you have to put your health first, although saying no is hard it depends what you're saying no to and what it all entails. For example I arranged to meet a friend a couple of months ago in advance for a certain date (this person is aware of my condition and the effects it has on me) pain, drowsiness, forgetting dates, pain suddenly coming on without warning etc as you can imagine and when this happens it can come in suddenly so it's hard to plan stuff as I never know when I'm going to be unwell,to cut the long story short 2 days before I was supposed to meet I texted and apologised and explained that I was too unwell to leave the house, to travel on a bus to meet her.. The persons reply was "you was ok yesterday, this annoyed me and it takes me alot to become annoyed and she then said she would come to me but I politely refused because I hadn't slept I was feeling completely rubbish mentally and physically plus swollen and wasn't up to seeing anyone and she just ignored me. At the time this really did upset me but now I realised saying no on that day was completely my choice and the approprate thing to do.. So the moral of the story..
IT'S OK NOT TO BE OK and you are allowed to say NO! 

Comments

  • pollyanna1052
    pollyanna1052 Member Posts: 2,032 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi, obviously this `friend` wasn`t a true friend, otherwise she would have been more sympathetic.
    I also find it hard to say no to anyone, but I guess maybe a wiser answer would be `I`d love to come but my condition could be playing up and not allowing to go out`.

    This reply could cause us to lose friends..but it is difficult I know. xx
  • CockneyRebel
    CockneyRebel Member Posts: 5,217 Disability Gamechanger
    I have an extensive workshop but I find it hard to say no to people that want to borrow a tool, I know it will not be returned when they are finished with it and I also know that I will have to clean it when it does come back
    Be all you can be, make  every day count. Namaste
  • Ails
    Ails Member Posts: 2,256 Disability Gamechanger
    Thanks for highlighting this @Tammyjane33 and sorry to hear that you had to go through such an upsetting experience with your "friend".  I can totally relate to this as well and find it hard to say no to people and know I am too soft at times, but over the past couple of years I have started to say no to people.   Like you, one of my "friends" I had for several years I would see a lot of and basically go out with/visit her when she basically wanted me to and everything was fine.  Then I met my husband and would be seeing more of him, but would still see her and my other friends.  One time I had arranged to go somewhere with my husband and then this friend asked me to go around to hers for a birthday meal (even though her birthday was a couple of days away) and she didn't mention it to me until the actual day I had already made plans.  I explained this to her on the phone and she wasn't pleased with me, accusing me of thinking more of my husband and other friends than her.  I felt so bad and said that I would go around to her's after I had been out with my husband as we weren't going to be long and she was having other friends over as well so it wasn't like she was waiting on me.  She told me no, not to bother as if I couldn't see her at the time she wanted then I wasn't to bother at all!  I ended up seeing her after that like a right mug - lol!  After that then there was another time I was too ill to see her and I cancelled our plans.  She then took the huff with me and not long after that we just drifted apart.  I was upset at the time too at losing who I thought was "a good friend", but now I realise that she wasn't that at all as she couldn't understand me not being "on tap" when she wanted me to see her!  Thankfully I don't have any other "friends" like her and don't miss her in my life now.  So it sounds very similar to your situation, a "friend" who just doesn't understand and respect you have your own life and have the right to say "no".  I hope you are feeling better now, anyway.  x  :smiley:
    Winner of the Scope New Volunteer Award 2019.   :)
  • Tammyjane33
    Tammyjane33 Member Posts: 683 Pioneering
    @pollyanna1052 I've tried alot with that particular friend but now I've decided to cut all ties. I was kind and understand but I didn't get the same back so I then decided to cut off that toxic person.
    I'm not the only person that's experienced unpleasant comments from that person. We all learn from our mistakes I'm now in a better place. Thankyou for your support. 
  • Tammyjane33
    Tammyjane33 Member Posts: 683 Pioneering
    @CockneyRebel hi thankyou for your reply.
    Sometimes we have to say no to people especially when you have paid for these things and they aren't returned. I hope it doesn't happen again. 
  • Tammyjane33
    Tammyjane33 Member Posts: 683 Pioneering
    @Ails thankyou for your reply. I'm doing well as I can be thankyou. I'm sorry that happened to you it isn't a nice feeling.
    I hope your well. 

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