When will they just leave him alone - Page 2 — Scope | Disability forum
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When will they just leave him alone

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Comments

  • melissahicking2019
    melissahicking2019 Community member Posts: 131 Courageous
    ok poppy thanks i will get this sorted today, i still cant believe iv got to do this all over again. i wish the DWP knew what they where doing to us all. Im going on dialysis in the next 3 month, i cant keep doing this but i cant just give up on an old friend either...

    And yes SPICEMAN he has got the works. But my friend hardly communicate with them, misses appointments, dont answer the door and just forgets about any visits. All his keyworkers , Case managers , ect have all but given up on him, you must understand this is a Long Term thing for my friend.. Also he is supposed to be taking medication but now im not his carer he wont take them and this makes him 10 times worse, But at the same time hes always ringing me up mid panic attack asking for help, (The usual chat for reassurance he needs) and i advise him take the medication, n then worry myself silly wondering if hes gone and taken too much ect..

    Its a nightmare situation that i should have little to do with and yes his workers should all be doing it for him, but my friend does not like or trust them, wont correspond with them and just thinks im his savior. Well i want to let him go to the wolves really, but its not fair, he would be sectioned if it was not for myself and his family, although his family (Brothers) are not much help but at least he gets daily visits and some looking after but his brothers take him for everything he has, financially wise , its not right, iv tried my best to help but what can i do...

    But no, as far as i am aware there has been no forms and he brings me all his mail or il go up to see him to find a pile in the cupboard or sumwhere around the flat, so yes it could of gone a miss, but iv allways made sure he keeps his mail as we have had problems before because of him not opening letters ect, when i became his carer i helped him to understand the importance of giving me the mail to read, and now he puts them in a cupboard or brings them to me..

    But yes its very likley that it could of gone missing, But at the same time. i doubt its been sent.

    But i will find out today.

    thanks again everybody.
  • melissahicking2019
    melissahicking2019 Community member Posts: 131 Courageous
    edited August 2019
    Ok thanks poppy, your a great help you know, if it was not for you my friend would be on jobseekers / UC right now, probly homeless or with no electricity n gas water ect.

    thanks again
  • poppy123456
    poppy123456 Community member Posts: 53,333 Disability Gamechanger
    You're very welcome. I love helping people receive the benefits they're entitled to which is the reason i'm here! :)I know how stressful it all is. Hopefully you'll get it sorted. Let us know, please.
    I would appreciate it if members wouldn't tag me please. I have all notifcations turned off and wouldn't want a member thinking i'm being rude by not replying.
    If i see a question that i know the answer to i will try my best to help.
  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Community member Posts: 6,388 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @melissahicking2019   Thank you for sharing with me.  I do recognise the situation your friend is in. Have the same problems as well with various former friends.

    Who for a long time should have had the support. Instead ringing me up at all hours.  Became there lifeline and do know what you are going through.

    Having been my own illness from teens to right now in my Fifties. 

    Those own personal circumstances had experience of dealing with mental health..

    Understand everything regarding support teams and everything around it all. 

    Trust is a big issue. Also in certain circumstances the systems supposed to be helping but sometimes there are needs to be addressed.

    One of the other problems is this that the system of mental health has in its aims.  To try to make the service user responsible for there own mental health.  

    Often telling them and offering guidance, advice. If you do not adhere or not do as they require. They will let you go. 

    Not helping at all .  There are those with mental health who need a lot of compassion, understanding and care.

    I just wanted to see if I can help that is all.

    Reasons I put that charity on the post sent to you. Might be worth looking at.

    All I can say. If I can help with anything. A listening ear happy to do so.

    Please keep in touch.

    @thespiceman





    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • melissahicking2019
    melissahicking2019 Community member Posts: 131 Courageous
    edited August 2019
    Thank you spiceman. 

    yes it is hard work. but i thought it was over when he won his PIP appeal. But now here we go again. i just want it to end. its a vicious circle for me and my friend and i just wish the DWP would recognize the problems they are causing through there constant checks and assessments, denying him his benefits and everybody having to go through the processes over and over again.

    People like my friend should be categorized and  managed Correctly and for as long as he remains unstable rather than doing what they are doing to him he should be a long term benefit claimant without the need for all these checks, especially after PIP confirming it for them..

     But i do understand its nothing personal and is simply procedure and policy but it needs changing so that people like my friend are able to rely on the benefits they require for long term rather than having to go through Hoops for years on end.

  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Community member Posts: 6,388 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @melissahicking2019   Thank you for reply. I agree with you entirely.  Your comments.

    I do understand having been on this system a long time. Got into the trap of a vicious circle being reassessed constantly.

    Over a long period. One says I am fit to work another eighteen  months later unfit and so on.

    Having to sign on with no knowledge of when and how I am going to get employment. As I have mental health plus other disabilities.

    You get walked over a lot.  I know myself not good and also getting to the stage with anger and frustration . Not good with some with an addiction history.

    The suggestion was put to me to try the charity I mentioned before.

    They intervened met the Job centre staff. One time had ten signing on officers in a six month period.

    Memory and lots of other things .  So by intervention.  From floating support at Assessment stage helped.  Sent a letter in with form.

    I am aware of every ones circumstances and  think that there has to be some sort of policy must be to help those who are like your friend and others.

    In similar situations.

    As in all areas of benefits the problems are serious enough and caused some more distress to those who are of a need.

    This is not happening.  Getting the help and support the compassion.

    I hope you can find the strength and courage to remain resilient and if there is anything please get in touch .

    I will be happy to be helping.

    I am one of the community champions on the forum.

    Please take care.

    @thespiceman


    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • melissahicking2019
    melissahicking2019 Community member Posts: 131 Courageous
    Thank you Spiceman. your a great encouragement. 

    I never got round to ringing them today as my friend was nowhere to be found, so il do it when he next visits me or rings me which will be as soon as he needs somebody for whatever reason.

    Il have to send all his recent evidence to the assessment after ringing to ask why we have not been sent a form to complete ect.

    Hopefully they will just reassign him to his normal support group and we can move forward again.

    At worst they will probably downgrade him again and we will have to appeal and go through another period of problems and worry / stress.

    But what can we do. Other than worry and get angry with a system that continues to upset our lives this way.

    Thanks again everybody.
  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Community member Posts: 6,388 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @melissahicking2019   Thank you very much kind words.

    I forgot to add. Advocate services.

    https://www.rethink.org.

    Helpline 

    0300 500 0927

    Can help with representing your friend any meetings, appointments.  Regarding mental health. They will before anything talk to your friend what needs to be said.

    Then will speak on his behalf. With him present.

    Done this service . Ideal for Doctors, or other medical professionals . Can open a lot of doors that are closed.

    Hope that helps.

    Wish you well.

    @thespiceman
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • melissahicking2019
    melissahicking2019 Community member Posts: 131 Courageous
    Yes thank you spiceman. We have been through many options with him before but hes so bad with appointments and people ect, that he simply prefares me to handle all his problems.

    iv tried in the past to pass him onto his care worker and had words with his doctor and psychiatrist but my friend just does not co-operate with them and does not open up with them and communicate with them. (im sure he does it on purpose though so he can just have myself as his all time helper) 

    He just does not handle outside help or people well at all.

    So i hesitate to arrange any appointments and or visits for him any longer as he just does everything he can to avoid them.

    But then he complains and says that he gets no help from anybody when hes feeling low and depressed.

    So its just another one of his problems that i would be adding to, so i dobt bother with outside help anymore

    But thank you for the info, il still look into myself and see what they can do in terms of paperwork and representations ect. 

    But when it comes to my friend co-operating with them it will just be a waist of time.

    But thanks all the same Spiceman.


  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Community member Posts: 6,388 Disability Gamechanger
    edited August 2019
    Hello @melissahicking2019   Thank you for reply remember anything I can be and help with.

    Your important a valued member as well know the pressures and the stress.

    This is a place to just have a chat or need to talk about anything.

    Take care.

    @thespiceman



    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • dolfrog
    dolfrog Community member Posts: 441 Pioneering
    Hi @melissahicking2019

    I have been following this thread since the beginning.
    You mentioned that your friend has "severe dyslexia"
    Dyslexia is a man made problem about decoding and recoding the visual notation of speech, or the graphic symbols society chooses to represent the sounds of speech. Dyslexia is language dependent. There are three cognitive subtypes of developmental dyslexia - auditory, visual , and attentional - which means that an auditory processing disorder, a visual processing disorder, an attention disorder or any combination of these disabilities can cause the dyslexia symptom.

    Auditory Processing Disorder is a listening disability, or the brain having problems processing the sounds that the ears hear, which can include problems processing and understanding sound based communication such as speech. there are 4 types of Auditory Processing Disorder, and the Temporal type of Auditory processing Disorder is the main underlying cognitive cause of developmental  dyslexia. The Temporal type of Auditory processing Disorder is about having problems processing the gaps between sounds, which can include the gaps between words in rapid speech, and is why those of us who have this form of Auditory Processing Disorder are not able to use phonics or phonetically sound out new words from text. There are other problems such as having problems following conversations, and problems following multiple verbal instructions, word recall problems when talking to others, or writing text. Running the coping strategies we are best able to develop and use to work around our communication disability can be very tiring and stressful, especially if others doe not understand our issues and how we are best able to communicate.

    This may help explain some of your friends communication issues. 
  • melissahicking2019
    melissahicking2019 Community member Posts: 131 Courageous
    Yes Dolfrog

    my friend is seriously dyslexic, from childhood, he was immediately recognized and placed into the necessary classes in Mainstream school and along with his behavioral problems and his dyslexia as he never made any progress he was at the age of 7 placed into a residential school for sever learning difficulties / behavioral problems & mencap children where he was living until weekends up until the age of 15.

    When he became so out of control and left on his own accord. Unfortunately after the school he became very difficult to look after and did not co-operate with anybody from social services ect.

     Eventually he became severely schizophrenic and fell into depression and later on started to have panic attacks through the progression of his schizophrenia, he was nearly sectioned ect by the police / family members for his own safety, but was lucky enough to have a stable address and family to support him who would not let him be sectioned and rather chose to look after him as best they could, his mother and brothers being his main carer,

    Unfortunately his mother passed away with cancer and this had a major impact on him and his family and he got progressively more depressed and neglected, his brothers got on drugs and so he had no support anymore, then along i came and felt sorry for him and found underneath all his problems that there was a real person needing freedom and friendship / support and so i became very close with him  and looked after him for nearly 10 yrs..

    Unfortunately he never got any better and only got worse overtime so much so that i could not look after him by myself, then i became ill myself and so he became neglected and very ill / depressed again...

    With him not accepting any outside support he just became very isolated and reclusive in his flat where his condition grew worse and started to involve his neighbors and he felt that his flat and life where under attack by them and that they had keys to his flat and where drugging him and his foods , also gassing him and deliberately moving things in his flat ect..

    So his only place of comfort became a prison cell for the mentally ill. I could not just sit back and watch him kill himself or end up locked up, so as ill as i am i still do everything i can for him.

    But the battle i face is not helped by the DWP whom just make both our lives difficult and stressful because they just wont recognize his problem and leave him alone on the benefits he is entitled, instead they just add to the problems he has and make everything worse with the threat of him not being able to afford to live comfortably..

    Its all a long story that i am putting into a 1 min read, but as you can see, its a daily struggle.

    thank you for your reply's.


  • melissahicking2019
    melissahicking2019 Community member Posts: 131 Courageous
    edited August 2019
    Well today i finally got a hold of my friend and made a call to the DWP to find out why he had not received any forms to fill in.

    There reply was, "oh , he received them and filled them in over a year ago" 

    God knows who filled them in but they would not of been comprehensive and complete and yet the DWP feel they can Assess a person with a year old form .

    So either-way their assessment would not of been up-to date or accurate and myself and my friend would of yet again been put through yet another battle for his freedom and benefits.

    Fortunately Poppy and this forum have yet again provided the direction needed to avoid this, Although knowing the DWP they will still find a way to upset everything and put us all through yet another appeal and court case.

    So we cancelled the appointment and are going to yet again compile a comprehensive portfolio of his illness and problems along with supporting medical evidence.

    Of course though getting the doctors to provide the paperwork within the next 3 week will be a job in itself and then theirs addressing the administration myself in time for the appointment.

    Then theirs the issue of getting my friend to the appointment .

    So all in all, The DWP have yet again done an amazing job of causing everybody a problem and wasting everybody's time and energy just to have to prove that a long term schizophrenic with all his problem , whom has always been in the support group and has just been through a PIP tribunal and proved without a doubt that his disabilities are worthy of PIP, is still as ill as he always will be and is unable to work for the foreseeable future.

    So either-way we look at it, its all a waist of time and completely unnecessary.

    But what can you do.

    Im going to bed, that is what im doing.

    See you all tomorrow. And thanks again everybody.




  • poppy123456
    poppy123456 Community member Posts: 53,333 Disability Gamechanger
    Yes, this is what i thought may have happened. We do forget things, especially if it was quite some time ago. As you also had the PIP claim to deal with as well. Easy to forget what you've done when you're so stressed in life.

    Do you still have the evidence that was sent to the Tribunal? Copies should have been made before you sent them. If he does still have them, then send those and then you won't have to ask his GP.

    DWP have nothing to do with sending out appointments for these assessments, that will be the health assessment providers responsibility.

    Do remember that as you've canceled one appointment you won't be able to cancel another and he must attend this one. Did you ask for a home assessment before you canceled the first one?

    Fingers crossed that everything will be fine this time. Good luck!
    I would appreciate it if members wouldn't tag me please. I have all notifcations turned off and wouldn't want a member thinking i'm being rude by not replying.
    If i see a question that i know the answer to i will try my best to help.
  • melissahicking2019
    melissahicking2019 Community member Posts: 131 Courageous
    Hi, poppy, No i forgot to ask if he could be home assessed maybe we should ring again when i gets hold of him.

    Thanks for all your help poppy. im sure il be back soon with yet more problems and questions lol.

    Have a nice day poppy, and thanks again.
  • Chloe_Scope
    Chloe_Scope Posts: 10,586 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @melissahicking2019 and thank you for updating us! I hope you'll be able to put together another form which will be more detailed and accurate. I wish you and your friend the very best of luck!
    Scope

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