I need aswers — Scope | Disability forum
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I need aswers

Azelka Member Posts: 2 Listener
edited September 2019 in Autism and neurodiversity
I feel like my fiance isn't allowed to feel emotion and that he has to be always here for me no matter what is happening, like he isn't allowed to have meltdowns or be tired and every fight that we have end up like me crying and him reassuring me, can anyone with ASD relate? 


  • April2018mom
    April2018mom Posts: 2,872 Connected
    No experience but have you contacted the National Autistic Society or not? They might be able to help you both. 
  • Azelka
    Azelka Member Posts: 2 Listener
    It is like if I didn't allow him to be human. Like I want him to be a robot... That means without emotions.... 
  • Topkitten
    Topkitten Member Posts: 1,285 Pioneering
    @Azelka, if he had no emotions he wouldn't be with you at all as there would be no reason to be around a difficult person even IF there is a good reason why that person is difficult. Be careful what you wish for.

    "I'm on the wrong side of heaven and the righteous side of hell" - from Wrong side of heaven by Five Finger Death Punch.
  • Ails
    Ails Member Posts: 2,256 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Azelka and welcome to the Community.  It is nice to meet you and thank you for sharing with us.  I'm sorry to hear of you and your fiance's struggles.  That must be so upsetting for you both.  Do you receive any support from anyone else?  I'm sure that there will be other members on the forum with Autism who may be able to relate to your experiences.  You have received good advice from @April2018mom and here are also some recent discussions from Scope's Autism section of the website which may help:-


    Please let us know how you are getting on and keep in touch.  Meantime, if there is anything else we can help/support you with then please just let us know.  All the best.  
    Winner of the Scope New Volunteer Award 2019.   :)
  • paffuto10
    paffuto10 Member Posts: 388 Pioneering
    Hello @Azelka welcome to our friendly place :)

    Good Point from @Topkitten

    Can you explain Azelka, why you don't want your boyfriend to have emotions ?
    Are there any family members you can confide in that know you well and understand you? 
  • Adrian_Scope
    Adrian_Scope Posts: 8,576 Scope online community team
    Hi @Azelka, thanks for sharing this. It's a really interesting post. Do you mean that you feel like he can't express his emotions because doing so inevitably makes you upset?
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  • April2018mom
    April2018mom Posts: 2,872 Connected
    How are you today @Azelka

    Maybe try talking about your feelings. Would it help if you both saw a therapist or counsellor? 
  • Chloe_Scope
    Chloe_Scope Scope Posts: 10,545 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Azelka and thank you for sharing this with us all. How are you getting on at the moment?

  • vysvader
    vysvader Member Posts: 133 Courageous
    edited October 2019
    Azelka said:
    ...like he isn't allowed to have meltdowns or be tired and every fight that we have end up like me crying and him reassuring me, can anyone with ASD relate? 

    Before, did you live with an adult & heterosexual male which used to cry instead of reassuring you? I don't know that it is or not statistically related to ASD, but it sounds, there's a strong indication that he's a male (which doesn't cut onions) and according to your description, it looks that he's emotionally stable (no mood disorders anywhere around rather than calm phlegmatic). If he doesn't complain and explode, but instead, he's devoted, tolerant, careful, and empathic so it doesn't mean that he doesn't feel. Emotional/empathic ≠ psychically unstable, it doesn't equal. He cares about you. And you about him? Do you make him happy with you? How is it to stay with you? How do you behave? Answer yourself (you'll understand him). 

    Best regards
    You can feel free to get in touch 


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