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Azelka
Azelka Online Community Member Posts: 2 Listener
edited September 2019 in Autism and neurodiversity
I feel like my fiance isn't allowed to feel emotion and that he has to be always here for me no matter what is happening, like he isn't allowed to have meltdowns or be tired and every fight that we have end up like me crying and him reassuring me, can anyone with ASD relate? 

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  • April2018mom
    April2018mom Posts: 2,863 Championing
    No experience but have you contacted the National Autistic Society or not? They might be able to help you both. 
  • Azelka
    Azelka Online Community Member Posts: 2 Listener
    It is like if I didn't allow him to be human. Like I want him to be a robot... That means without emotions.... 
  • Topkitten
    Topkitten Online Community Member Posts: 1,273 Trailblazing
    @Azelka, if he had no emotions he wouldn't be with you at all as there would be no reason to be around a difficult person even IF there is a good reason why that person is difficult. Be careful what you wish for.

    TK
  • Ails
    Ails Online Community Member Posts: 2,237 Championing
    Hi @Azelka and welcome to the Community.  It is nice to meet you and thank you for sharing with us.  I'm sorry to hear of you and your fiance's struggles.  That must be so upsetting for you both.  Do you receive any support from anyone else?  I'm sure that there will be other members on the forum with Autism who may be able to relate to your experiences.  You have received good advice from @April2018mom and here are also some recent discussions from Scope's Autism section of the website which may help:-

    https://www.scope.org.uk/search/?collection=scope-meta&query=Autism

    Please let us know how you are getting on and keep in touch.  Meantime, if there is anything else we can help/support you with then please just let us know.  All the best.  
  • paffuto10
    paffuto10 Online Community Member Posts: 383 Pioneering
    Hello @Azelka welcome to our friendly place :)

    Good Point from @Topkitten

    Can you explain Azelka, why you don't want your boyfriend to have emotions ?
    Are there any family members you can confide in that know you well and understand you? 
  • Adrian_Scope
    Adrian_Scope Posts: 11,754 Online Community Programme Lead
    Hi @Azelka, thanks for sharing this. It's a really interesting post. Do you mean that you feel like he can't express his emotions because doing so inevitably makes you upset?
  • April2018mom
    April2018mom Posts: 2,863 Championing
    How are you today @Azelka? 

    Maybe try talking about your feelings. Would it help if you both saw a therapist or counsellor? 
  • Chloe_Alumni
    Chloe_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 10,506 Championing
    Hi @Azelka and thank you for sharing this with us all. How are you getting on at the moment?
  • vysvader
    vysvader Online Community Member Posts: 130 Contributor
    edited October 2019
    Azelka said:
    ...like he isn't allowed to have meltdowns or be tired and every fight that we have end up like me crying and him reassuring me, can anyone with ASD relate? 
    Hiya,

    Before, did you live with an adult & heterosexual male which used to cry instead of reassuring you? I don't know that it is or not statistically related to ASD, but it sounds, there's a strong indication that he's a male (which doesn't cut onions) and according to your description, it looks that he's emotionally stable (no mood disorders anywhere around rather than calm phlegmatic). If he doesn't complain and explode, but instead, he's devoted, tolerant, careful, and empathic so it doesn't mean that he doesn't feel. Emotional/empathic ≠ psychically unstable, it doesn't equal. He cares about you. And you about him? Do you make him happy with you? How is it to stay with you? How do you behave? Answer yourself (you'll understand him). 

    Best regards

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