confused ??

filly

Hi 
It is me again, hopeful you will not find my posts boring?
I thought things were getting back to normal? How wrong was I ....
     Last night he told me he doesn't want a relationship as its distracting him from his life long writing.He plans on moving out and living and working with like-minded people. He believes he is just about to after 19 years breakthrough into songwriting and films...
He will give me the house and make sure that I'm ok? But if i move another man in , it will be all taken away ...
Also asked me 2 stranges questions.
1. Am i making secret phone calls upstairs?
2. Has his friend asked me,if i would like to go on walks with him ?
Oh still too fat even though im losing weight, it's not fast enough so basically he doesn't fancy or love me anymore!
So what a head **** (sorry )
Oh, I can't see him in London but we will phone every day ??? Yes, he has a form for taking off in past relationships, but not with me...
I can't stop crying, im so confused !!

Adrian_Scope

Hi @filly. We certainly don't find your posts boring and we're always happy to talk. I am still concerned about your situation though. Have you sought advice from anyone about what's going on? It might be worth having a chat with Shelter, at least to figure out what your rights are in regards to the house. If he wants to leave, that's one thing, but he shouldn't be able to dictate your living arrangements once he's gone.

filly

Hi
No he dosnt want me to leave ! He the one whom thinks he leaving ??

filly

I have no rights to his house he owns it ! Im just the lodger or at least thats how im feeling.He blames me for his operation and been fat and lazy
I know it strange as i was a model before him..

filly

last night I tried to kiss him, he rebuked my advances and told me again ...
 That hes off to London in a few weeks time and if thinks ever return to love ...it would take more than a few weeks of me altering my lazy fat ways to change anything between us!
Any other man would have chucked me out to begin fat and lazy.
So again im crying all night and still confused?
I still love him and want to try to rebuild, but it is so hard and lonely

Adrian_Scope

It does sound very confusing @filly and I'm sorry you're having such a rough time of it. I'm concerned about how he speaks to you and the way it is making you talk about yourself. 

I know we've mentioned Women's Aid to you before but have you thought about maybe looking into relationship counselling? Relate say: "It doesn't matter if you’re on your own, married, living together, single, gay, bi/pansexual, straight or transgender - we’re here to help you, however you identify." So you wouldn't necessarily need to involve him in it. 

They even offer online services where you can talk to someone online or via video chat. 

filly

Thank you i will think about relationship counseling.
Today he took me to the dentist and bought me a lovely present a hair curler and walked to the shops arm in arm. Feeling very happy, you don't buy presents for people you don't love!

filly

Today not so good i moved his work !
He repeated about leaving again very cross,he calmed down later on.Eventhough I blow the oven up!Dont know why it blow up right in front of me it made such a bang lol

Adrian_Scope

Hi @filly. That sounds pretty frightening. Are you okay?
Is the oven still working? Do you need to get it serviced?

filly

Hi
Yes im fine, but sadly the oven isn't! New cooker coming on Wednesday thank goodness. Today he took me out, this is the first time we've been out since his operation. So its all good at the moment touch wood please lol.

Adrian_Scope

Did you go anywhere nice @filly? It's great your new cooker will be arriving tomorrow. 

filly

The new cooker arrived and fitted in ...
New news I have applied to do my MA in Victorian gothic literature and culture in Jan. Do know if I will get on this course but I do hope so...

Adrian_Scope

Sounds great @filly. Have you studied literature before?

Chloe_Scope

That course sounds so interesting @filly! You'll have to let us know how you get on.

filly

Hi
Yes I've studied literacy before at open university about 7 years ago.

Adrian_Scope

How are things going at the moment @filly? Are things any better at home?