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Is it time we asked for help...young adult daughter

Hello.
So we're parents of a 19 year old daughter who was diagnosed with Aspergers 5 years ago. She started Uni last year but she's struggling so much. Stays in her room and won't go into the shared kitchen terrified in case she sees anyone and is starving herself as a result. All the predictable stress of moving from lecture to lecture etc and the in your face feeling that she's not fitting in. The Uni are really good and she has a student disability award, but she seems to be slowly sinking despite this. So we are starting to think we should give up trying to encourage her to develop into a life she just doesn't feel a part of and bring her home. It's breaking our hearts.
Now we know nothing about what she may or may not be entitled to, but there is no way on earth she could hold down a job. She needs total support from us and always has. Are there any benefits that she may be entitled to in the hope that eventually she just may be ready if we can take away the stress for her and maybe find some treatment or medication that works for her?
Thank you.
So we're parents of a 19 year old daughter who was diagnosed with Aspergers 5 years ago. She started Uni last year but she's struggling so much. Stays in her room and won't go into the shared kitchen terrified in case she sees anyone and is starving herself as a result. All the predictable stress of moving from lecture to lecture etc and the in your face feeling that she's not fitting in. The Uni are really good and she has a student disability award, but she seems to be slowly sinking despite this. So we are starting to think we should give up trying to encourage her to develop into a life she just doesn't feel a part of and bring her home. It's breaking our hearts.
Now we know nothing about what she may or may not be entitled to, but there is no way on earth she could hold down a job. She needs total support from us and always has. Are there any benefits that she may be entitled to in the hope that eventually she just may be ready if we can take away the stress for her and maybe find some treatment or medication that works for her?
Thank you.
Replies
Much appreciate the time you gave to this reply.
https://www.scope.org.uk/advice-and-support/adult-social-care/personal-assistants/
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I'm going to tag in @melaniethorley, our disabled student adviser who might be able to make some suggestions for you.
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Good morning everybody. I am sad to hear that your daughter is struggling at university @nomy but I do have a few suggestions:
if she receives Disabled Students' Allowances - she can request a specialist autism mentor.
she could access the university counselling and/or mental health services.
join the university student union - either for a sports team and/or interest group.
she can join our Facebook group - University of Greenwich STAART - this will put her in contact with many disabled students who may have other suggestions.
the worst scenario is for her to move back home and transfer to a university close to home.
feel free to email me if it would be useful:
[email protected]
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A little more info...
Our daughter is in receipt of DSA and does also have a mentor in place. I was in uni yesterday and joined my daughter with her mentor meeting. So in short, the uni are providing a lot of support in so far as they can. But we are now getting very concerned for our daughters state of mind. She saw the GP last week who has started her on a low dose of sertraline (50mg i believe). But she seems to be going downhill even more. We have offered her ways out of the situation by deffering her degree, stopping altogether, home study, OU etc, but she seems consumed with confusion and conflict.
As parents of a young adult we feel overwhelmed and helpless with nowhere to turn with little support. It doesn't help that we are hundreds of miles from family and friends up here in the NE of Scotland and as she is an only child I think we all feel desperate. And desperately lonely with no social life whatsoever. And that certainly doesn't help.
We have looked for support groups, but even those options are extremely thin on the ground.
Obviously we are prepared to do whatever it takes to de-stress our daughter, but have no idea how.
I am so sorry to ramble on. I bet you regret asking now? 😀
I do not have a child, but as a disabled young person myself I am in awe of everything my mum has done for me over the years and I am sure your daughter feels the same. As parents you are navigating the unknown, and being a parent of a disabled child does make it more complicated. However, you are doing an incredible job, you are fighting for her inclusion and her health. I know it might not feel like it, but you really are.
I'm glad your daughter now has some options about how to progress in her degree and I am sure you will support her whatever her choice is.
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I will keep this thread alive and report back when we have news. It's a kind of cathartic experience for me anyway. And if I can get down the words, it helps a lot!
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