School not understanding my child SEN Plan help needed

Holly123

my daughter is on an SEN plan. Her current targets are two that are linked to her learning like to try problem solving in maths. Then she has to go out and access the schools emotional support group (thrive). I have her review meeting coming up. I’m wondering what I can ask for or what I can suggest as targets to improve her social skills at school. She presents quite ‘normally’ at school but she comes home every day frustrated that she has fallen out with someone or she wasn’t able to complete her work to her ridiculously high standard. Then we get big emotional meltdown at home. I find it hard to get school to understand how different she is at home xx

Sam_Alumni

Hi @Holly123
Do you have a good relationship with school? Could you ask to go in for a chat with her teacher and the SEN lead to see what you can come up with together?

Adrian_Scope

Hi @Holly123. I know a lot of schools are moving towards becoming more 'child-led' for EHCPs and SEN plans. Have you asked your daughter what she thinks would help her and what sort of support she feels she needs? 

My daughter sounds very similar and it often seems like she works so hard keeping it 'together' at school that she almost bursts when she finally gets home and feels safe to express how she's feeling. 

The review meetings are supposed to take into account your views so if you're not happy with the targets they are setting and want them to focus more on her emotional and social wellbeing, don't be afraid to speak up. 

Holly123

@Adrian_Scope it sounds like our girls are very similar! I’m not sure how your daughter views herself but mine never sees herself as being in the wrong, it’s always someone else’s fault! When I asked what would make school better she said no other children to get on my nerves! ? I’m hoping I get a better vibe from class teacher when I am able to explain my child’s needs a bit better. Fingers crossed 

dolfrog

Hi @Holly123
Your story about your daughter sounds familiar, I have been running a support group on  Facebook regarding my disability for over 10 years now. 
children who have various types of information processing disabilties and who have a high IQest able to develop and use alternative compensating skills and abilities to work around their personal information processing limitations. They learn and do things differently from most others and most others, both peers and teachers, do not understand how they are best able to communicate and need to do things their way. 
And running the alternative compensating skills and abilities is very tiring and taxing for the working memory, so at the end of the day when they get home, they feel safe to explode and let their real feelings out. 
So the question for the school is do the teachers understand and explain the various types of disabilities children may have, and do they they use teaching methods best suited to how your child is best able to learn, 
We are all different and some, like me and my family, are more different than many others. Which needs to be both understood and explained by thpose working in the education system.

Holly123

@dolfrog this is very true, as a teacher myself I feel much more confident teaching SEN children the more I gain understanding about my daughter 

April2018mom

Holly123 said:

@dolfrog this is very true, as a teacher myself I feel much more confident teaching SEN children the more I gain understanding about my daughter 

Request a review meeting. Before the meeting, prepare well. During the meeting, discuss her moments of achievement and progress and then list goals for the next school year.
This is your chance to advocate for your child so make the most of it.
This link has more information 
https://councilfordisabledchildren.org.uk/sites/default/files/uploads/documents/independent_support/ARfactsheets.general.cleancopy.FINAL.pdf

Adrian_Scope

Holly123 said:

@Adrian_Scope it sounds like our girls are very similar! I’m not sure how your daughter views herself but mine never sees herself as being in the wrong, it’s always someone else’s fault! When I asked what would make school better she said no other children to get on my nerves! ? I’m hoping I get a better vibe from class teacher when I am able to explain my child’s needs a bit better. Fingers crossed 

I have to admit this gave me a chuckle as I've had the exact same conversation with my daughter. In fact, she's extended this line of thinking to include some of the teachers too!
Other than Thrive, do they have any other emotional or social support for her in place at the moment?

Holly123

@Adrian_Scope haha that’s funny that she’s including the teacher! No other than thrive she gets nothing. I’ve been looking for a group in our local area but other than play therapy and counselling which come with a huge waiting list and huge costs, there isn’t much available. We are going to try yoga and horse riding. Does your daughter do anything that helps her to relax? 

Adrian_Scope

Hi @Holly123, we've found doing guided meditation (using YouTube!) in the evenings together helpful. I'll admit it gave us both a giggle to begin with as it wasn't something we were used to, but that wasn't a bad thing. 

We were really lucky to find a counsellor around us that is charity-run. They offer sessions on a 'sliding-scale' based on household income (and free for those on means-tested benefits). It might be worth you looking around as there could be something similar in your area. 

Yoga sounds like a great idea. Has your daughter's school got a pastoral support worker at all? It could be worth asking for their input.