Lost ? — Scope | Disability forum
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Lost ?

Onix
Onix Member Posts: 75 Pioneering
Having been taught to 'deal with it', 'suck it up' etc, even now I still find it hard to say i'm struggling - but I really genuinely am. It's just one of those days, nights, weeks that I can't find any way up or even want to. I'm on a lot of veterans groups but there is so much going on between them, I just don't trust where to post, although I know they will try to help. If I skip the bad bits and just go back to Fri, my ot had just been out (she was covering for my cpn who was going to have to cancel), she had just gone and I checked my mail. I had a letter from dwp stating I had a f2f home assessment on 01 Nov. The last one I had to go to actually broke me, even though I had someone there. Coupled with how I feel at the mo and what happened previously, i'm really, I don't know....... well I do but obviously can't say on here ?. I'm just so tired of everything being such a fight ???. People say it gets better, but when? Even my fight is about done, it's just getting at every corner. I'm sorry for long pathetic post, I really don't do 'feeling sorry for myself' posts but it feels like the 'gunfight at the ok corral'. 
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Comments

  • woodbine
    woodbine Member, Community Co-Production Group Posts: 7,766 Disability Gamechanger
    Hope it helped to post? and its not pathetic you feel how you feel, will someone be there with you when you have the assessment? is it for ESA or PIP? We all have periods when it all seems too much and i'm like you  i don't do "feeling sorry for myself" unless i'm totally honest because I do feel like that.
    Take care and come back if you need more help theres always someone here for you.
    Be extra nice to new members.
  • Onix
    Onix Member Posts: 75 Pioneering
    Hi, thanks for your reply @woodbine.
    Too be honest, posting hasn't done anything except make me more guilty for not being able to get a grip. 
    I shouldn't really have expected any different ?. Thanks anyway.
  • saz11
    saz11 Member Posts: 121 Pioneering
    @Onix

    Hi sorry to hear you are not feeling too great at the moment
     Please don't feel guilty , all of us on here at some point have needed a bit of extra support when we are struggling . 

    I know only to well things can become overwhelming and you can't understand why you can't just get on and deal with things like always.

    Do you have family you could talk to or a friends maybe. It can be hard to admit to those you are close to that you need a little bit of help. 

    It can sometimes feel like everything is happening all at once and its never ending but we are here anytime for any help or advice you may need. There is a coffee lounge that may interest you for having a chat to others about anything really.

    I do hope you feel better......anytime you need a chat just post there is usually always someone here that you can talk too .




  • Onix
    Onix Member Posts: 75 Pioneering
    @soz11, thanks for reply. I'm very much a loner through learning the hard way. 
    This is the only way I tend to chat with folk (keyboard warrior, lol), but even then don't give too much of myself away. I always believe there are folks worse off, so hate taking any replies/resources away from them.
    I'll get the dog out then see what's what. Thanks again for reply.

  • WhileIBreathIHope
    WhileIBreathIHope Posts: 216 Connected
    Speaking personally everyone has their dark place, a reservoir of fears and inadequacy. 

    Like quicksand delicate small movements. 

    I hope you find some comfort in the forums and camaraderie. 




  • saz11
    saz11 Member Posts: 121 Pioneering
    @Onix

    You sound a bit like myself i am a bit of a loner too but i am starting to talk and share and it does feel better.

    Just having a wee chat can make the world of difference. There is no pressure to discuss anything other than what you are comfortable with.

    Like me taking the dog out always makes me feel better. What breed do you have ? I have a fox red labrador and he is just the love of my life in fact he is lying next to me on the sofa all cuddled up.....i think he still thinks he is a little puppy the way he cuddles in but he weighs a ton and he is huge ??
  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Member Posts: 6,389 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @Onix   Pleased to meet you. Sorry to hear what you are going through. We do understand as a community have compassion and empathy.

    Please if this helps you. Speak to your CPN .  Say how you are and what is bothering you. That is there job their role. 

    Struggle to speak can not write it down. Please can I ask you to read this please thank you.

    I know myself all assessments are a difficult time and to reassure you there are positive outcomes besides the negative ones.

    What is important is to find and ask for support in your assessment. If the team you have is not working for you or you think they are not being useful.

    Which they should be advising you, supporting you if not. You need to say. Remember it is your own health that needs addressing and it up the team to help and give some goals, aims and a plan to cope with anything.

    Look at other options consider other choices.

    I use with my mental health issues and problems. Charities .

    Used this one last time.

    https://www.richmondfellowship.org.uk.

    Get floating support and advice guidance on your mental health. Well being and looking at everything you have. Including the benefits and probably help you being in attendance and filling in forms.

    Might not be in all areas.

    I am one of the team of community champions and do know many members struggle and have problems .

    Please use this forum to discuss how you are. I always on here. Offering friendship, my time to listen to any one who wishes to offload have a chat.
    Create a post talk about your interests, your life your experiences. Share and care.  The community will respond I know do this all the time.

    I know have put lots of things on here anything random.

    Your not alone. I live alone this my place to talk, be a friend offer a friendly, kind word.

    Please get in touch any time you want.

    Happy to be a friend.

    Please if I can help with anything please ask.

    Pleasure to meet you.

    Please take care.

    @thespiceman


    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • Onix
    Onix Member Posts: 75 Pioneering
    edited October 2019
    @thespiceman Thank you for taking the time to reply. I will have a look at the link you put, thank you. I'm really not in best place and sinking. Overcome one thing and another kicks in. I've tried talking/writing to cpn, I put a lot of stuff on about 3 letters which would have prompted question but she never discussed them, leading me to think they weren't even read. What's the point? I tried, I've tried loads of times - maybe some people just aren't meant to be fixed.

    Haha, even the universe has said no!! Closest place to Scotland is Liverpool. Should've known ??
  • saz11
    saz11 Member Posts: 121 Pioneering
    Hi @Onix

    Thought i would check on and see how are you today ?
  • Onix
    Onix Member Posts: 75 Pioneering
    Hi @saz11
    Thanks for messaging. I just realised I hadn't replied to you, my apologies ?.
    Ermmm, easier to smile and say i'm fine.
    In reply to your last post I have a Russian Black Terrier, he is 7 months old and 39kg. Just as well he's friendly ☺. I like fox red labs, I actually wanted one a while ago, but I'm just not physically fit enough to give it what he needs.
    I hope this finds you well.
  • saz11
    saz11 Member Posts: 121 Pioneering
    Hi @Onix

    Not a problem just wanted to see how you were. Wow 39kg he is massive god and i thought my dog was big. He must keep you on your toes. On these cold dark nights its hard to drag yourself up and walk them.

    I do hope you are starting to feel better as i said before just having a wee chat can 

    I hope you keep posting.

    I have done the last walk and my dog is now all cuddled up for the night i am terrible i spoil him so much but he makes me smile .

    Take care and i hope you enjoy the rest of your eveing.




  • Onix
    Onix Member Posts: 75 Pioneering
    @saz11

    Hi, this is my boy. He's cheeky, I had to smile when he picked up his kong food bowl and lay on the couch with it.
    We've got another wander to do yet but it will likely be early hours when there shouldn't be anyone around.
  • saz11
    saz11 Member Posts: 121 Pioneering
    edited October 2019
    @Onix

    Awwww he is gorgeous .
  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Member Posts: 6,389 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @Onix   Thank you for your post sorry to hear this your experiences with CPN.

    There is a duty of care for all service users and those wising all services. Guidelines and rules to make sure you get the care you need unfortunately this is not happening.

    I do understand as this has happened to myself before. I am sorry to hear not reading anything you write.

    There are members of the Mental Health Team who do not respond or care about the clientele they see.

    Sorry to tell you this. I learnt the hard way. Had a floating support did eject me from her list. Because she wanted a cup of tea and a biscuit . Oh I forget give you a cup of tea and a biscuit and a kind word.

    Do not have the cup of tea and biscuit . It is not about that it is about me helping me. To her annoyance decided to remove me from her list.  Some are very spiteful sorry to be harsh but they are.

    There are good staff in organisations and associations charities like I have mentioned. If there not in your area.

    Sorry about that if there not. Your entitled to support and advice, guidence with your mental health.

    I would consider the following steps.

    Contact RETHINK.  You need to do this. There an advocate Charity take on clientele who are having problems accessing support when no one listens or have nil response.

    From staff.  It is very useful. They set up a meeting with you before any appointment. What do you need to say ?  Speak on your behalf to the staff member the CPN.

    Used this for Doctors.

    https://www.rethink.org.

    I would also make a complaint to the Team Manager of your mental health support. If getting no where.

    Use RETHINK for that.

    Also you are entitled to look at other options to deal with mental health.

    I have left council services or certain charities. If it not working.

    This is another one to consider.

    https://www.mind.org.uk.

    Have a look on NHS website.  Other links.  Search Every Mind Matters on line. From my Doctor a leaflet.

    Another important point speak to your GP.  I would they have a duty to care and advise you. I know sometimes we hate bothering our GP.

    I am an old fashioned gent but have learnt they need to know how you are and can be beneficial to your well being.  Just a thought.

    Please if I can help with anything. Please get in touch happy to listen.

    Please take care.

    @thespiceman




    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • Onix
    Onix Member Posts: 75 Pioneering
    @thespiceman

    Thank you for your post. I will look into mind and rethink.

    I couldn't complain about my cpn, she is actually really nice but probably just forgot as she is so busy. 

    I even tried using an online counsellor from the better help platform, he was in America but when I was talking, I was obviously on speaker as he was doing various stuff. Clattering about in the kitchen, running water and then it sounded like he had gone to the bathroom - however at a minimum of £35 per week, it was going to be too expensive but I had 3 sessions. I found out where he lived, family history, his history etc lol. He wanted me to keep using him, saying I would open up eventually - ??. Maybe it's me, I really don't seem to connect with anyone.
    It shows when you have o'd then ask gp for more painkillers and get a full box of them.
    I'm really dreading tomorrow, i'm already on minimum sleep and strung out. I just wonder if things will ever get any better, even just a little bit. Surely that's not too much to ask? 

    Thank you for being so patient and posting different resources for me to try.

    I am really grateful to everyone for trying to help me, i'm just so sorry i'm not in a place to try and help others at the moment. I feel really selfish and that's not me - I'd rather help someone even to my detriment.
  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Member Posts: 6,389 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @Onix   Please can I thank you for your post and sharing.

    Understand I am concerned to hear you applied on line for therapy.

    Could cost you money. Please do not do this.

    I would if I can be open and honest with you.

    Look at the reasons why your CPN is no being responsive to your needs.

    Yes she may be nice but sometimes we need to say . What we need from a service.

    Understand thinking you may not wish to get her into trouble. Three times your trying to get help and support for your issues.

    You mentioning not listening or not read anything.  

    If you consider looking at what I suggested. The whole point of mental health services.  Is for you to deal with your issues and problems.

    Using coping methods, strategies a plan deemed fit to make sure your care and lifestyle needs are met.

    I do also think that if something is not working for you or is not fit for your own needs you must say so.

    One other point all mental health charities have care plans and coping methods, strategies in agreement with you.

    Please may I add one other valid point. They are there to help you but you have to realise. They do not run your life for you.

    You also may ask yourself how can I help myself.  You need to say yes and offer much compliance, agreement to benefit you own health .

    If they offer counselling or CBT or offer support groups.  Please consider doing or attending.

    Because this is where you learn about lifestyle issues that cause many difficulties.

    Including sessions on Sleep. Medication, Mental Health Acts, Diet, Fitness, Wellbeing and much more. Addiction including drugs and alcohol.

    Often invite organisations in to talk about a lot of this.

    Own support workers may discuss this as well. Some have a lot of qualifications in certain areas.

    Of course when you do attend you will meet others like you. 

    You build up a dossier a file on mental health, educate yourself.

    Have the knowledge.  To use to be beneficial for my own needs.

    Reason I put a lot on my posts on mental health and associated related to well being and health.

    I have to share with you had my illness for a long time..

    I hope I can be helpful and please let me know if I can be of further use.

    One other you can live again and cope . I do use one other aspect of my Life. Which is useful my Christianity and faith.

    Does help me as does this forum to talk what is bothering me. Something else to consider and look at.

    Remember small steps always. Do small achievements and you will succeed.

    Success comes in cans not can nots.

    Wish you well.

    Please take care.

    @thespiceman


    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • saz11
    saz11 Member Posts: 121 Pioneering
    @Onix

    Hey my lovely just wanted to send u hugs and wish you good luck for tomorrow and let you know i will be thinking about you.

    Just you remember how strong you are and we will all be he waiting to hear from. 





  • Onix
    Onix Member Posts: 75 Pioneering
    @saz11

    Aww, thank you - I really appreciate that ?. I'm absolutely terrified because of the last time, hence i'm on here ☺. I figure some light reading and replying will keep me occupied for a bit at least, then I'll take Onix a walk and hopefully I'll not have too much longer after that to wait.
  • saz11
    saz11 Member Posts: 121 Pioneering
    @Onix

    Awww i wish i could take your worry away....is it pip or esa you have f2f for ?.

    What happened the last time that leaves you feeling so troubled if you don't mind me asking ..
  • Onix
    Onix Member Posts: 75 Pioneering
    @thespiceman

    Wow, thank you ☺.
    I'll try and address your info best as I can.
    The online counselling is to try and teach me to actually speak to folk, so that I can try to open up a bit, i'm more used to writing stuff down as I get too tongue-tied and forget how to speak.  
    Because my confidence and self-esteem are totally smashed, I don't really know what help i actually need - I can appreciate how absolutely ludicrous that  sounds. They have tried cbt to no avail but the psychiatrist is taking everything slowly now which is good. I can't cope with multiple people to attend group sessions, that's going to take a lot of work.

    I know they can't run my life for me, heck even I can't run my life lol. I guess my writing it is me trying to help myself because what I write should prompt questions that gives me an opening to try and talk my answers through - I find it impossible to talk about me otherwise.

    It's good that you have your religion as well to help you. I was christened as a baby but never followed religion. For me now, I would be hypocritical to all of a sudden embrace religion to try and get fixed - I think I'm definitely beyond redemption now.

    Massive thank you again. You are all really helpful and have been voices of reason that gave me a bit of space to slow my panic down a bit.

    I really will try and return the favour. I'm not used to getting something for nothing. ☺

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