Strugging with my social health - I find it so difficult to talk to people now

nicki1

Hi I am 53 years old struggling with my health but more so with my social health. I find it so difficult to talk to people I never used to was always chatter box I have a set of friends but all older than me sometimes it would just be nice to have a coffee or maybe a glass of wine!! With someone my own age. Thanks for listening 

pollyanna1052

Hi nicki1. Have you seen the thread on social prescribing? It`s about getting put in touch with clubs and groups. Most towns have details of what`s around. Try your GP for info.

Chloe_Alumni

Hi @nicki1 and a warm welcome to the community! How are you doing today?

madness

Hi @nicki1. Im your age.  I have no social life as I work late evenings
XX im home today if yu want chat 

Pritchard

If you want help easing off, please feel free to visit the guide to Happiness and Good Health on the "Emotion' Section of website index www.poetryemotion.org.uk 

dolfrog

Hi @nicki1
some can have progressive communication issues from the late 40s onwards  as part of their health issues which may need investigating, it can be.
I have a  life long communication problem which causes problems talking to otthers especially those of my own age group, been that way even when at school. I have been running support groups for those who share may disability and some I have come into contact have acquired similar issues as part of the mid life aging process, or as the result of some health problems they have experienced.
Talking to others is not always easy especially if others do not understand why you may have problems communicating as the may expect you to. 
I hope you find some answers.

gram

I’m the same especially when o suffered Agoraphobia for two and half years ages ago I’m definitely developing social health and I’m nearly 59

leedevon

Hello all, well let’s get talking. 

kami24

I feel alone but frightened too as my issues make me feel like this and also tense. I have also had so many experiences of horrible friends and relationships and acquaintances that it puts me off people apart from my close family altogether. I think bad experience whatever that experience was e.g. Name calling, bullying etc etc does put people off of socialising or making new relationships 

kami24

I remember a horrible Bulgarian woman i used to work for and she upset me and now I cannot stand people like her there's a thing called transference where we associate someone or something to a bad experience and so do not like it and she was one of those people so now I feel negativity about anyone like her

dolfrog

leedevon said:

Hello all, well let’s get talking. 

OK, I have a listening disability, or my brain is not best able to process and understand what my ears hear.
Another symptom is that I have word recall problems not remembering the word i want to or need to use when talking to others or even when writing or typing, it can take days or weeks to recall the word again. When this happens i have to find an alternative more long winded way to explain what i want to say, and even during that process i can have more word recall problems. So i can ramble on for ever trying to discuss sometimes the most simplest of topics.
Which others who do not understand my disability can consider to be boring and annoying.
Which is why in recent years I have become almost house bound to avoid being considered an idiot by others

kami24

I hate the stereotypes disabled or 'odd' or slightly different people get and the treatment they receive because of it. I am eccentric myself and have extreme views and opinions sometimes due to my issues and personality and also my parents are absolutely lovely and my dad is the best you could ever imagine so i was raised to be nice ro people and animals therefore i find the way people treat animals and each other pretty shocking and so sad. My views are also from years of experience working many many places in the past with many different people 

debbiedo49

I would advise referral for c b t or similar. Do not let it fester. Also find out what's available in your area like charitable or voluntary organisations.  Look online at m h websites like Mind. Are there any community cafes where you live? Take one step out there towards being around others. That's what I did,  on my terms. I'm still struggling but I know I'm not alone. 

dolfrog

debbiedo49 said:

I would advise referral for c b t or similar. Do not let it fester. Also find out what's available in your area like charitable or voluntary organisations.  Look online at m h websites like Mind. Are there any community cafes where you live? Take one step out there towards being around others. That's what I did,  on my terms. I'm still struggling but I know I'm not alone. 

Unfortunately CBT is a on cheap form of support which does not even begin to address the real issues that can be the real underlying cause of these types of issues.
More a cheap form of support provided medical professionals who are not adequately trained and qualified to understand and provide support for the real issues.

Bettahm

I'm ASD with social anxiety too and have had depression and anxiety for over a year now, which I think has heightened everything. I cant see how CBT could help although people (not mental health care people) have suggested it.
"You have to face your fears" is the common one. I get so angry. They are not in my head! I have met people I know when I'm out and told them to leave me alone if they try and strike up a conversation.
I do try to avoid people and get anxious going to the supermarket in case theres someone there I might know.
Awkward, I'm stuck with the ASD and SA but hope when the depression and anxiety lift it might make life easier.
I might move house. Fresh start.

Chloe_Alumni

Hi @nicki1, how are you getting on?

OverlyAnxious

Have any of you tried MeetUp.com out of interest?

I looked last week in my local area but didn't find anything that really fitted me...so I tried to make a local group myself.  

The idea was for likeminded people with any sort of anxiety related issues to meet in an informal area (park, seafront promenade, etc) and talk about anything they wanted, come and go as you like etc...  But it turned out you had to pay to create the group.   I didn't realise this and it wasn't apparent at any point through the creation process...in fact it just wouldn't 'create' right at the very end so I kept trying it...until I finally realised it wasn't free by Googling, lots of other people were duped the same way, only realising after the hassle and effort of creating 99% of the group!  I know nothing in life is ever 'free', but I feel it would have been far better for them to use ads (like Facebook, Instagram, etc) instead of charging the people that are trying to improve social connections.  

Very disappointing tbh, as a lot of us become even more socially isolated because of the lack of income that comes with our other issues in the first place.  As I've mentioned in previous threads, I used to be able to do a lot more when I had some spare income than I can now.  It's meant that I've completely drifted away from the last few people that I used to see and message more regularly.  I don't see or even message anyone my own age now but don't know how to change that in my current position.

debbiedo49

dolfrog said:

debbiedo49 said:

I would advise referral for c b t or similar. Do not let it fester. Also find out what's available in your area like charitable or voluntary organisations.  Look online at m h websites like Mind. Are there any community cafes where you live? Take one step out there towards being around others. That's what I did,  on my terms. I'm still struggling but I know I'm not alone. 

Unfortunately CBT is a on cheap form of support which does not even begin to address the real issues that can be the real underlying cause of these types of issues.
More a cheap form of support provided medical professionals who are not adequately trained and qualified to understand and provide support for the real issues.

C B T is a cheaper form of therapy as m h nurses can do it and they usually limit the sessions from 4 -6 sessions targeting one issue